tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-264976732024-03-13T07:14:03.631-05:00Fire Mark MayUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger303125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-53128365917935287202008-07-27T10:37:00.004-05:002008-07-27T10:54:54.123-05:00Unified Scene<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />It's been a long time coming for something like this, and I can't say the Trev is all too surprised or all too pleased to see it go down like this. Well, I guess it could be all for the best as I'm left to stew here in my own private intertubes, continuing to fight the good fight against whatever the hell it is I feel like fighting today. What can I say? I'm a very angry Trev, but I am also a loving and compassionate Trev. So with this, I tell my young apprentice to go forth and do whatever the heck his flights of fancy send him off to. It will all be over soon, I know The Kid. He'll be all committed and "yes, sir Mr. Alberts" for like a month and a half, next thing you know he's looking up how e can make moeny at home by raising endangered alpacas or some crazy shit like that. The internet will set him free, if he could only sack up and take the plunge.<br /><br />So good riddance I say! I'll build my own college football blogosphere with blackjack! and hookers! Well, maybe not the blackjack. Anyway, this whole crazy thing is going to keep on keeping on whether you all like it or not, but I'll have to say that the Fire Mark May crusade will be taking on a different form, the next book in the Gospel of the Trev I guess. A corporate merger of sorts with plenty of goodwill from our FightinAmish friend over at that <a href="http://houserockbuilt.blogspot.com/">House Rock Built</a>. I seem to be losing my loyal sidekick and stenographer while he goes off an tries his hand at a new "joint" in the Spike Lee/Spike Jonze sense of the word.<br /><br />Godspeed, kid. I will hunt you down like the wild dog you are and kill you in your sleep, but I mean that in the most respectful way. You all haven't heard the last of the Trev. I swear a binding blood oath to myself to make you rue this day. On my self, I swear it.<br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/8_sPVtZMrYk&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/8_sPVtZMrYk&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object></center>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-4402387548826277992008-03-03T13:00:00.006-06:002008-03-03T12:12:32.644-06:002008 CFB: Best New Blog<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />It seems the interwebs have found some way back into our dusty corner of the blogosphere, so we might as well put our best face forward for all the shiny cameras and the many peepers that will be gracing our site. Kid! We're calling a truce in the name of this fine sport of college football blogging, and because the Trev can't let the good folks of the web down. Salt of the earth and a true son of these mountains I am.<br /><br />Now that we've got that exposition out of the way, it's time to give the award for Best New Blog to one of the following New Blogs, on this 2.0 version of tube-casting blogging interactive playground of 80s references and toilet humor. Maybe we're up to 2.3? I don't know, the Trev does not care for such things. Back to linking the nominees, interns, please form the orchestra as planned.<br /><br /><object height="355" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/pUru7nSyKxQ"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/pUru7nSyKxQ" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="355" width="425"></embed></object><br /><ul><li style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"><a href="http://www.barkingcarnival.com/">Barking Carnival</a></li><li style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"><a href="http://thebirddog.wordpress.com/">The Birddog</a><br /></li><li style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"><a href="http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/">Black Heart Gold Pants</a></li><li style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;"><a href="http://www.gate21.net/">Gate 21</a></li><li><a href="http://www.wbvg.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">West By God Virginia</span></a></li></ul>And the winner is, Orson Swindle, for <a style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;" href="http://www.edsbs.com/">Every Day Should Be Saturday</a>! What? That's not what's going on? I thought we were giving him every award for still writing? No? Not funny? Ok, moving on...you sure we're not giving this thing to that <a href="http://www.burntorangenation.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Peter Bean</span></a> guy? Alright, the winner is...<br /><br /><a href="http://www.blackheartgoldpants.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Black Heart Gold Pants! </span></a><br /><br />I'd like to congratulate the newest members of our fraternal order on their hard work and tireless devotion to keeping that Journey logo on their site. It takes determination and guts to rock the Perry as hard as they do over there, and this red-blooded American Trev salutes them for it. Oops Pow Surprise, Jebus H Christ, and their tireless crew of Iowa Hawkeye fans do their underground lair of Sports Blog Nation proud. It's always good to see a group of fellow fans band together under the common banner of Michigan bashing and general acts of keeping it real. Kudos, sirs, Kudos.<br /><br />As for the actual award, well there's a little bit of a problem with that. You can take it from my cold, dead, Trev hands! Sure, we have left this once proud meme building engine in neglect, but that doesn't give you whippersnappers the right to just waltz in here and take what is still rightfully mine! You and your daily updates and your weekly traffic numbers and your hard working journalistic integrity...its time to take care of you in the only fashion a botched ceremony turned ambush is allowed...<br /><br />STEEL FOLDING CHAIR<br /><br /><object height="355" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/sINADg5ejys"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/sINADg5ejys" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="355" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br /><span style="font-family:courier new;">Sorry for the shenanigans everyone. While he's getting that out of his system, and properly restrained, we'd like to pass the baton to the next award in this year's presentation, Best Looking Blog. Of course, they've got the Pimpala driving longhorn himself, Mr. Bean, to take care of things over at <a href="http://www.burntorangenation.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-style: italic;">Burnt Orange Nation</span></a> at 3:00pm.<br /><br />Again, just want to thank everyone for stopping by and assure you all that the building has suffered only minor structural damage. Drive home safely.<br /><br />-the kid.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-82807940504224090862008-01-31T16:44:00.000-06:002008-01-31T22:51:17.416-06:00Ezekiel 28:15I think its about time we let you all in on the horrifying truth. This charade has gone on too long, months even, with lackluster reporting from the compound. Bloo's figmentatious glee has fallen silent, the Muppets are gathering a fine layer of dust, and I can't remember the last time we sent out the interns for a real dose of mischief. This can all be explained, but I'm going to ask the few loyal Trevians we have left to take the closest seat for this one. <br /><br />Our Leader has abandoned us. <br /><br /><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/t-FIE0P-BV8&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/t-FIE0P-BV8&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object><br /><br />The Trev, Il Duce Emeritus himself, has fallen like the Morningstar and chosen to wreck vengeance on our beloved blogosphere. Like a tired interwebs metaphor, he is hunting down the noble blogging order and striking them down in the name of the Evil Empire. None shall be spared his wrath, not even <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.everydayshouldbesaturday.com/2008/01/29/wow-trev-wears-pants/">Master Swindle</a>. <br /><br />So, we have hidden in secret. Destroying our own traffic just to lay low in hopes that we may survive the carnage, and putting out only <a href="http://firemarkmay.blogspot.com/2007/12/new-car.html"><span style="font-weight: bold;">our weakest efforts</span></a> when necessary to remind all that there is still hope. Rebel forces will once again have a voice in this cold and unyielding future, but until then, we proceed with caution. <br /><br />Rumors of this site's demise have been greatly exaggerated. Until then, we lie in wait, remembering <a href="http://firemarkmay.blogspot.com/2007/03/espnthe-weeknd-pt-2-trevs-guide-through.html"><span style="font-weight: bold;">the good times</span></a>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-57571364762726706302007-12-20T22:53:00.000-06:002007-12-21T09:35:19.800-06:00A New Car?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhQtqHqFVbcsoxFu7NyU8n0ycyXSK0nrc2_TWjAdD7gdS7f6YDLYs9Oyf5xbOILKiti59X_n1V8p4Vd3EUBvAmKKnYCfXpPxIn-RFXBXEz6qsJCFHdoXdaECEQDUn0ROpL2u7/s1600-h/price+is+right2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVhQtqHqFVbcsoxFu7NyU8n0ycyXSK0nrc2_TWjAdD7gdS7f6YDLYs9Oyf5xbOILKiti59X_n1V8p4Vd3EUBvAmKKnYCfXpPxIn-RFXBXEz6qsJCFHdoXdaECEQDUn0ROpL2u7/s320/price+is+right2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5146297703295404450" border="0" /></a><br />Bob Barker: All right Coach Rod, since the original Rod is dead, I'm going to have what his name up in the booth let you know what fabulous prize you can win today.<br /><br />What's-his-name: It's A BCS CHAMPIONSHIP<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQR9pVtzbI8b8xArX1tTkKtHNrjoomSpviRVx4SPtpPPHAC8vfxdltYpoOwINELWLdpZI1myeNkPbWXAD28k2jBPygiKumQqg7hB5dSaV_w2yboZtqdkIR3XfzhNBkJhzP04NB/s1600-h/2008bcs.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 211px; height: 159px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhQR9pVtzbI8b8xArX1tTkKtHNrjoomSpviRVx4SPtpPPHAC8vfxdltYpoOwINELWLdpZI1myeNkPbWXAD28k2jBPygiKumQqg7hB5dSaV_w2yboZtqdkIR3XfzhNBkJhzP04NB/s320/2008bcs.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5146297707590371778" border="0" /></a><br />(Coach Rod hoots and hollers on stage and almost does the worm, but thinks better of it. He proceeds to flip out, point to his lovely wife in the crowd, and gives Bob a big ol' bearhug.)<br /><br />What's-his-name: That's right, its a 2009 BCS championship! Hand crafted crystal in the crystal mines of deepest darkest Ireland, next year's trophy is exquisitely furnished by the talented trophy smiths of Waterford. This, fully sanctioned NCAA honor can be yours if the Price is Right.<br /><br />Rod: Me Wantee! (still flailing wildly, he points to wife again, mouths "I love you, baby!")<br /><br />Bob: Ok, Rod. Now just calm down for a second. In order to get to that BCS title, you're going have to play one of our pricing games, and it just so happens to be a favorite of mine. We're going to play Cliffhanger!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsSorwXq9qNQo41YkK_-PL8l5LLfFkW4giHz2vhN60BoTi8SenmbencIcsRJu3aEncvzxxTS9VMxizxIb9pYNZNxZJtWr2AvY7T-BQbu8B_M_lPFI2juF5YxbbodAoOBoZaW5Z/s1600-h/180px-Cliffhangers.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsSorwXq9qNQo41YkK_-PL8l5LLfFkW4giHz2vhN60BoTi8SenmbencIcsRJu3aEncvzxxTS9VMxizxIb9pYNZNxZJtWr2AvY7T-BQbu8B_M_lPFI2juF5YxbbodAoOBoZaW5Z/s320/180px-Cliffhangers.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5146297707590371762" border="0" /></a><br /><br />Rod: Alright. Alright. I can do this. Lay it on me, Bob, just lay it on me.<br /><br />Bob: Ok, Rich. Now, the object of the game is to get the correct amount for the following three items without going over 25. That's all three items, combined, Rich, and as you get them wrong our cliffhanger is going to scale this treacherous trail of his inch by inch. Ok then, Rich?<br /><br />Rod: I got it, Bob.<br /><br />Bob: Alright. Random announcer guy, tell us the first item for Rich here today.<br /><br />Guy: Our first item is a collection of tenured assistant coaches, Bob. The entire staff of former Michigan legend Lloyd Carr from coordinators Ron English and Mike DeBord to the strength guy and decades of experience between them. Hail to the victors with these familiar faces.<br /><br />Bob: Ok, Rich. how many assistants do you want to keep?<br /><br />(The crowd comes to life, yelling out an assortment of numbers at a frantic pace. Coach Rod, once again consulting the wife, holds up what appears to be a combination of 5 and 7. It may be sign language. Satisfied with his decision he leans in to Bob's microphone.)<br /><br />Rod: Zero, Bob! WHOOO!<br /><br />Bob: Let's see how you did, Rich.<br /><br />(The cliffhanger climbs his craggly peak, yodeling along his merry way.)<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjahE1652hxyUGU5xQPq9Fa5436J7rEgElRFhxpfo3UPkqGm1xQW_aNFrYCANVepa6mBn3k7o6UpRyPlf6CtnhA9_SnIY2-GQd4pjvwR-90wQH9VxjKyhs8dC00UZokBFncuPXl/s1600-h/cliffhanger.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjahE1652hxyUGU5xQPq9Fa5436J7rEgElRFhxpfo3UPkqGm1xQW_aNFrYCANVepa6mBn3k7o6UpRyPlf6CtnhA9_SnIY2-GQd4pjvwR-90wQH9VxjKyhs8dC00UZokBFncuPXl/s320/cliffhanger.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5146297707590371794" border="0" /></a><br />Cliffhanger: Yodelyodely yodley yodley yodely yo de yodley....<br /><br />Bob: Oh, that's not a good start, Rich! Not a good start at all! Looks like the gentlemen thought you should have kept all of those Michigan men, and that's too bad, Rich. Now, you're going to have to do better on the next item, or else you're just going to dig yourself deeper, and we don't want that, do we Rich?<br /><br />Rod: No way, Bob!<br /><br />Bob: No way, indeed, Rich! Now let's hope you'll have better luck with the next item from Guy.<br /><br />Guy: Our second item today are an assortment junior college transfers, Bob. JUCO brand junior college transfers have been known across the country to provide quick fixes to new and old coaches alike. Whether installing a new offense or defense, or just looking to keep your career rolling, look no further than JUCO brand transfers. JUCO! Because you can!<br /><br />(Again, the crowd erupts in an orgy of vicarious opinion. Coach Rod once again consults the mob for their input, nods to himself, and turns to Bob for his answer.)<br /><br />Rod: I think I'm going to shoot for nine, here Bob!<br /><br />Bob: Nine?<br /><br />Rod: Yeah, Bob. I'm sure on this one. I don't want to make the same mistake twice.<br /><br />Bob: Are you sure?<br /><br />Rod: Yeah, definitely sure.<br /><br />Bob: Alrighty.<br /><br />Cliffhanger: Yodelyodely yodley yodley yodely yo de yodley....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgme1y0JY12lGeaZ9OH2a3iMdPRwnerA_7hZvGP32GtjZUR0YFfQCNoaajgYnIqcCQkjApnD1ucWfo-G7BfybxoXWVXmKiDwcSsuTcWE3oKr4MVE8gNfgCpAzSlevQ-CJ4MUxl1/s1600-h/cliffhanger2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgme1y0JY12lGeaZ9OH2a3iMdPRwnerA_7hZvGP32GtjZUR0YFfQCNoaajgYnIqcCQkjApnD1ucWfo-G7BfybxoXWVXmKiDwcSsuTcWE3oKr4MVE8gNfgCpAzSlevQ-CJ4MUxl1/s320/cliffhanger2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5146297711885339106" border="0" /></a><br />Bob: Oh noooooooooooo, Rich.<br /><br />Rod: SON OF A BITCH!<br /><br />Bob: That's not the number we needed, Rich. We needed a low number! We needed a low number! Zero would have likely been best! It seems we've got ourselves into quite a jam here.<br /><br />Rod: It certainly sucks, Bob.<br /><br />Bob: Yes, it does. But, the good news is that you've still got a chance on our last item. Guy?<br /><br />Guy: Our last items today are a pile of Letters of Intent. 2008 Letters of Intent from a perennially stout Michigan recruiting class. Well into the teens, this crop of potential Midwestern talent would do well for any program hoping to compete on a national stage.<br /><br />Bob: Now, Rich. We're going to ask you to do something a little bit different here, so listen carefully. How many of those letters do you think you can keep? How many of those letters do you think you can keep?<br /><br />(The crowd bursts into opinion one last time. Coach Rod is in a frenzy. His eyes darting all around the crowd for the correct answer. He finally settles on ignoring them all together and motions to Bob confirm in his answer.)<br /><br />Rod: All of them Bob.<br /><br />Bob: All of them is not a number, Rich.<br /><br />Rod: I don't care! ALL OF THEM!<br /><br />Bob: I don't know about this. I'm going to have to ask the gentlemen for a ruling. Gentlemen, can we accept "All of Them?"<br /><br />(A car horn blares over the PA, signaling approval of the answer.)<br /><br />Bob: Ok<br /><br />Cliffhanger: Yodelyodely yodley yodley yodely yo de yodley....<br /><br />Bob: Oh no....Oh dear. This doesn't look good for you Rich.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj84A27uWdEj45vYmW5fmA8IwFm_objk1IZ6r4zacJSz-07ZsSab92ryoN7_IwDSKXdfLEd9XPzA_fSEQlw_0NirZcyjfJ1ssMKvHEbDDx2xc52KtVyVbpS6Wy0Aj0RXCYsW-rR/s1600-h/cliffhanger3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj84A27uWdEj45vYmW5fmA8IwFm_objk1IZ6r4zacJSz-07ZsSab92ryoN7_IwDSKXdfLEd9XPzA_fSEQlw_0NirZcyjfJ1ssMKvHEbDDx2xc52KtVyVbpS6Wy0Aj0RXCYsW-rR/s320/cliffhanger3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5146298656778144242" border="0" /></a><br />Rod: AW HAYSTACKS!<br /><br />(A trombone plays the well known Price is Right theme in a minor key, as is its wont. Coach Rod has lost.)<br /><br />Bob: Cheer up, Rich. We'll see you right after these words to spin the Wheel of Death.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">FireMarkMay watches too much daytime television.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-71331086835509989692007-12-04T13:48:00.001-06:002007-12-04T14:56:51.845-06:00Return to Sneakyness<div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/westquinsington.jpg" align="middle" border="0" height="79" width="54" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Broderick West <span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0"><span onclick="BLOG_clickHandler(this)" class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Quinnsington</span></span> IV</strong><br /><strong>Local Ne'er Do Well</strong></div></div><br /><br />BWAH-HAHAHAHAAH! NYAH-HAHAHAHAHAHA!<br /><br />Just when you think I had been long forgotten, swept off into the ether of old news, I return, triumphantly to expose my deception, trickery, and other forms of dastardly derring-do! Most of my work has been done in secret this year, as my efforts have focused on revenge against those who spurn true talent! How else does one believe the Miami Dolphins could be so horrible in the face of mind-numbing parity in the professional leagues? No matter! But, I will suggest everyone take a look at the iron-cladness of Cam Cameron's contract, not to mention which mustache-twirling notary public has aided in sealing the fate of the franchise.<br /><br />ENOUGH! Let us get back to the business at hand. Long has my trickeration been absent from these halls. Oh, how they echo with the howls of agony and the cruelty of past defeats. I only wish I could have been around more this season, but it seems I had been undercut by other less expensive forms of chaos. All of these upsets seemed to go on unaided by my own hand, but I would like to take some credit in pioneering the evil footballing arts. So, without further adieu, get me some interns to wheel in my Wheel of Death! Interns? Anyone? Hello? Fiddlesticks, Ill just do it myself...damn it all! Look at what they've done to you, my precious wheel, all dusty and what not, and it seems Mr. Alberts may have used you as a water closet at some point. Let's clean you up....<br /><br /><center><img style="width: 181px; height: 210px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/wheelofdeath.jpg" /></center><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-style: italic;">BEHOLD THE WHEEL OF DEATH!!!!!!!</span></div><br /><br />Tremble at the sight of it! My glorious wheel has spun and spun, leaving the whole of the BCS system in upheaval! Revel in the fetid stench of corruption as this bowl season gives us such feats of despondence!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://thefeed.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/mangino_t450.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 170px; height: 201px;" src="http://thefeed.blogs.com/photos/uncategorized/mangino_t450.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />The Fat Man, in all of his corpulence, graces this year's BCS despite losing to once top-ranked Missouri and having a pitiful strength of schedule! Sure, Mizzou lost last, you might say, but only because they defeated the Jayhawks! Now, they must be exiled to the lesser bowls, unable to reap in the benefits of national exposure, despite being ranked higher in the BCS! Clearly, the largesse of Mangino has perswadded blazer-clad organizers that Kansas is a larger draw than Missouri. Be conpuzzled by the thought! This leaves Missouri in the long-forgotten Cotton Bowl against....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.rollbamaroll.com/images/admin/houstonnuttcrazy.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 159px; height: 241px;" src="http://www.rollbamaroll.com/images/admin/houstonnuttcrazy.JPG" alt="" border="0" /></a>THE CERTIFIABLE HOUSTON NUTT! At least we think. The man known only as crazier than a sack full of weasels makes my black heart smile with his duplicity. He will possibly lead his Arkansas Razorbacks in Dallas, but one thinks what could have been of Mizzou had the cruel BCS not been involved. A good showing might have allowed them to back into some kind of champeenship under the old system, now they have no chance at a long shot, and a meaningless exhibition trip to the Texas State Fairgrounds! Extol their cruel fate I shall! Speaking of cruel fate, behold my henchman in the chaos....<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.post-gazette.com/images4/20060806LFWannstedtBYMT_230.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 181px; height: 234px;" src="http://www.post-gazette.com/images4/20060806LFWannstedtBYMT_230.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>The malevolent Wannstache! Only his boorish backyard brawling could deliver the death blow to the noble couchburners of the Appalachias! Their late season stumble contributed to the bubbling cesspool of the final results, and their reward for such failure is a BCS bid, but there is another cruel twist, for they must head to Tempe to face a team that knows it all too well...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2007/writers/arash_markazi/01/05/fiesta.bowl/t1_johnson_wire.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 171px; height: 234px;" src="http://i.a.cnn.net/si/2007/writers/arash_markazi/01/05/fiesta.bowl/t1_johnson_wire.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>The Oklahoma Sooners, out for revenge in the desert, will surely be ready to crush all who oppose them into a fine powder. Pepper their porridge they will, and the remaining allure of biggest non-title matchup will crumble twixt their pestle and mortar, leaving us with the final display of BCS incompetence from none other than the Baron of Incompetence himself!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://deadspin.com/assets/resources/2007/02/zookskiing2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 175px; height: 235px;" src="http://deadspin.com/assets/resources/2007/02/zookskiing2.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>The coach without a name! The [Fighting Redacted] have stumbled their way into the Rose Bowl, thanks mainly to the embarrassment that is the Michigan Wolverines and the overall bore that a rematch with SC would invite. This leaves the orange-clad neophytes being thrown to the lion's den itself, the granddaddy of them all, the winter home of the Trojan Horde. They are out of their weight class in this one, and I don't think the various wagering houses can devise a line high enough to handicap their fortunes. I wager a whole two pence that at least 5 former Indian chiefs will be torn asunder into little itty-bitty pieces by the end of the fixture!<br /><br />This leaves us with the relatively unexciting coronation of my favorite familiar, the werewolf with a chained saw for genitalia!<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUiZf2u-FXhaq2agfv7qIS_fX_gwUgPBa5lhvaU_Iyp5LbXweMD73nHSpg7xAn81UgIEmj9Q29jOlK-Yjz4WPOaeqx_H6bdsFqA-Fu-LUI4Un8S-eirb_upi0x714ghIGk556N/s400/LSUgorilla.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 159px; height: 219px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhUiZf2u-FXhaq2agfv7qIS_fX_gwUgPBa5lhvaU_Iyp5LbXweMD73nHSpg7xAn81UgIEmj9Q29jOlK-Yjz4WPOaeqx_H6bdsFqA-Fu-LUI4Un8S-eirb_upi0x714ghIGk556N/s400/LSUgorilla.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Behold as it is gifted a title match in its own domicile! The darkened skies will foreshadow the coming of thousands upon thousands of local fans that are both raging and of Cajun descent. The unending wails of the Buckeyes shall know no bounds as they are once again humiliated on the largest stage, shaming themselves and their conference once more! So it is written! SO SPINS THE WHEEL OF DEATH!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Broderick West Quinnsington IV is a charlatan of the highest order. His zeppelin is currently in the shop.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-88546865725862020602007-11-30T13:00:00.000-06:002007-11-30T13:10:55.725-06:00Week 14 Trevonics: Championosity<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />Oh for Pete's sake! Is this season over yet? There has been so much craziness, so much sheer ridiculousness, I mean Missouri, MISSOURI!, of all people, are number 1, that the Trev has just had too much awesome overloading his Trev circuits. Its almost too much for anyone to bear, and admittedly, I have been in an extended weakened state due to the excessive drinking that accompanies said understanding of the 2007 season. So, without further excusing, procrastinating, or superfluosity, the scoreboard entering the homestretch!<br /><br />Week 13 Results:<br />Against the Spread: 10-5<br />Straight Up: 9-6<br /><br />Season to date:<br />Against the Spread: 96-102-3<br />Straight Up: 138-61<br /><br />The dream of being somewhat respectable against the demon spread is still within reach for me, loyal Trevians. With a good showing in this championship weekend, I can claim at least parity with the foul German gamblers and declare moral victory in the face of such incredulous results. I'm going to save the Trev-polls for when the dust settles, but its pretty much academic in certain regards. Missouri wins and theyre in. Same for West Virginia. After that? Well, we might just have to consult our long lost ne'er do well to fill us in on his secret dastardly plans. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Virginia Tech (-7) over Boston College</span><br />The glorious ACC title game in sunny Jacksonville County! Scenic vistas, hard fought football, and plentiful cabs, all huddled around a vibrant urban nightlife! Not one thing I have said those two sentences is the least bit true. I. Effing. Hate. Jacksonville. The lazy bastards couldn't even name their individual towns and cities. Yes, I know thats a copout excuse, but I can't think of any good reason to defend this "largest city." VT over BC in a walk, once again embarrassing the ACC in what I hope will traditionally become the "forgotten" title game.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Virginia Tech</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Louisiana State (-7.5) over Tennessee</span><br />Behold, the last ride of Les Miles and his immortal chainsaw. I'm not adding to the speculation of his participation in the always twirling SEC coaching carousel, but this may very well be the last we see of the werewolf geauxrilla lacerating hybrid that are the LSU Tigers, at least in a meaningful game. The so-called Super Bowl of The Southland, so-called by the Me, is going to be rough, its going to be tough, but its not going to be close. LSU is going to be in "go big or go home" mode attempting to 2-loss their way into the title game by brute force. This reduces the chance of this game being decided on a last minute field goal, and more likely by multiple scores.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Louisiana State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">UCLA (+20) over Southern Cal</span><br />I know. I know. I KNOW! UCLA is just absolutely horrible. I really can't argue anyway around it, as their only memorable games are beating a hobbled Oregon and losing to Notre Dame. However, the state of college football at this moment has allowed this game to determine the PAC-10 champion. Granted, the Bruins don't control their own destiny, but they wear the underdog hat so well, especially against the Trojans, that this game is going to be closer than most think. The Trojan Horde offense may be once again fully operational, but I can't discount the Dorrell shoulder chip. I won't split the pick on the merit of the chaos this game could cause.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: UCLA</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oregon State (even) over Oregon</span><br />Oregon is a broken team. They are physically broken in the matter of Mr. Dixon's leg, and spiritually broken that now that they have a Pac-10 Leaf brother under center. Although Brady Leaf probably isn't getting 100% of the snaps, and why should he, his mere presence on the two-deep casts a deathly pallor on the proceedings. Where once this game would have been Ducks -14.5, now we have the Pacific Northwest's Civil War at a pick 'em. This is our season, Go Beavers!<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Oregon State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">West Virginia (-28.5) over Pittsburgh</span><br />I will only say this to the scrappy Mountaineers: this line is more than about covering. This line is the bar to the national title game. If you cannot clear this bar, WfnVU, you open the door to all kinds of shenanigans Sunday morning, and I don't just mean the activities or your average post game holding cell. Take care of business, and there are no excuses. Slit the Wannstache's throat, spread option style.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: West Virginia</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oklahoma (-3) over Missouri</span><br />You may even want to chalk this one up as a reverse jinx, as earlier in the season, Missouri looked like they could run right along side the Sooner Schooner. A few bad bounces either way, and the Sooners might not have been even in this game, let alone the national title discussion. Not so fast my friends, the Tigers still play in the North, so that marks them for a blowout of Big XII Title proportions. Doing my best Bill Swerski impression, Sooners 385-Tigers tree.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Oklahoma</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Arizona State (-7) over Arizona</span><br />Ladies and gentlemen, your potential PAC-10 champions, the Arizona State Sun Devils! Volcano golfcarts for all! Hail Satan! If ASU can take care of business and UCLA pulls the improbable once more, the Best Ever Death Metal Band out of Tempe is headed to Pasadena. They get the pick just on that merit, and all of the Erickson stories Ill get to watch for the next month. Hail Satan!<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Arizona State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Hawaii (-14.5) over Washington</span><br />The Vicious Animals get a psuedo-bowl game against the Warriors....and that's about all there is to that. Has there ever been 3000 yards of total offense in a single game?<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Hawaii</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Trev Alberts is a former ESPN commentator. He regrets nothing.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com19tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-84643497135242035652007-11-23T23:16:00.000-06:002007-11-23T23:19:26.255-06:00This Year<center><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/fYCzDhaRV60&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/fYCzDhaRV60&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></center><br /><br />I broke free on a Saturday morning<br />I put the pedal to the floor<br />headed north on mills avenue<br />and listened to the engine roar<br /><br />my broken house behind me<br />and good things ahead<br />a girl named Cathy<br />wants a little of my time<br />six cylinders underneath the hood<br />crashing and kicking<br />aha!<br />listen to the engine whine<br /><br />i am going to make it through this year<br />if it kills me<br />i am going to make it though this year<br />if it kills me<br /><br />i played video games in a drunken haze<br />i was seventeen years young<br />hurt my knuckles punching the machines<br />the taste of scotch rich on my tongue<br /><br />and then Cathy showed up<br />and we hung out<br />trading swigs from a bottle<br />all bitter and clean<br />locking eyes<br />holding hands<br />twin high maintenance machines<br /><br />i am going to make it through this year<br />if it kills me<br />i am going to make it though this year<br />if it kills me<br /><br />i drove home in the California dusk<br />i could feel the alcohol inside of me hum<br />pictured the look on my stepfather's face<br />ready for the bad things to come<br />i down shifted<br />as i pulled into the driveway<br />the motor screaming out<br />stuck in second gear<br />the scene ends badly<br />as you might imagine<br />in a cavalcade of anger and fear<br /><br />there will be feasting and dancing<br />in Jerusalem next year<br /><br />i am going to make it through this year<br />if it kills me<br />i am going to make it though this year<br />if it kills me<br /><br />-irishoutsiderUnknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-47142872178706549962007-11-20T21:05:00.000-06:002007-11-20T21:35:01.205-06:00Week 13 Turkey-fried Trevonics<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />Distractions, drinking, an abridged prognostication week, and all sorts of other fantastical excuses are in store for this post of all trades, loyal followers. Sorry for the Bloo-ness of last week, but he distracted me with a cup and ball, and then we played for the site in a rousing game of marbles. Damn bastard plays keepsies, and he plays it to the bone. Before we get back on the Trevonic Horse, let's reset the major errors made both in actual football and imaginary polling. For those who took my little azul friend serious...you have to live with that.<br /><br /><ol><li>Kansas</li><li>Louisiana State</li><li>Missouri</li><li>West Virginia</li><li>Ohio State</li><li>Arizona State</li><li>Georgia</li><li>Virginia Tech</li><li>Oregon</li><li>Oklahoma</li><li>Southern Cal</li><li>Florida</li><li>Boston College</li><li>Hawaii</li><li>Texas</li><li>Tennessee</li><li>Illinois</li><li>Virginia</li><li>Boise State</li><li>UCONN</li><li>Clemson</li><li>Wisconsin</li><li>South Florida</li><li>Texas Tech</li><li>Cincinnati</li></ol>Its just that time of year when logic is overridden by losses, freak injuries break the ties, and I keep teams like Texas in the purgatory they deserve. I'm not fair, but I certainly am tough, and if I'm not tough, I'm certainly phony tough and crazy brave, that special kind of crazy reserved only for those in the throes of desperation. Now for the scoreboard! We're keeping the season to date, its like when Corso takes a sick day, the last of which I believe was in 1986. Antioxidants, kids, antioxidants.<br /><br />Season to date:<br />Against the Spread: 86-97-3<br />Straight Up: 129-55<br /><br />There's only one way to dig out of this ATS hole this week. Well actually, there are several: toast, pretzel sticks, popcorn, and jelly beans.<br /><br /><br /><center><object height="355" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/AnohHTLMs3Q&rel=1"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/AnohHTLMs3Q&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="355" width="425"></embed></object></center><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">LSU (-12) over Arkansas<br />Texas (-5) over Texas A&M<br />Boise State (+3.5) over Hawaii<br />Virginia Tech (-3.5) over Virginia<br />Tennessee (+3) over Kentucky<br />BYU (-4.5) over Utah<br />Georgia (-3.5) over Georgia Tech<br />West Virginia (-17) over Connecticut<br />Oklahoma (-11.5) over Oklahoma State<br />Oregon (-2) over UCLA<br />Florida (-14) over Florida State<br />South Carolina (+2.5) over Clemson<br />Cincinnati (-20) over Syracuse<br />Auburn (-6) over Alabama<br />Kansas (-2) over Missouri<br /></span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Trev Alberts is not a recognized Blogpoller. He no longer has the motor skills to play ping pong.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-67930521951987640102007-11-16T17:48:00.000-06:002007-11-16T18:58:22.155-06:00Week 12 Bloo-vonics!<span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 62px; height: 93px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3269/1218/1600/bloo.png" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Blooregard Q. Kazoo<br /><strong>Staff Figment</strong></strong></div></div><br />You probably thought Old Trev forgot about you, loyal Trevians. Well, he did. So we're still letting the imaginations run wild around here, ie moi, so strap it down for another run through this week's Trevonics, Bloo-vonics. The big man is obviously too drunk, lazy, or probably a combination of both with a dash of cowardice, to run down this week's Top 25 matchups, so I'm going to take a crack at some of the progostickleing. Let me get out MY scoreboard...<br /><br />Bloo's scoreboard<br />Season to date:<br />Straight Up: probably-not<br />Against The Spread: delicious-orange-marmalade<br /><br />I'm going to shun the traditional top 25 model and go straight to my favorite games of this week, the rivalries! If your rivalry or other so-called important game isn't on here, too bad! Produce a trophy or step aside!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Illinois over Northwestern</span><br />We start with one of the coolest arbitrary trophies out there, the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk. Now, I'm not one for research, but I'm getting the feeling that the collected mediocrity between these two teams have kept things pretty much level over the years. However, this year the Wildcats are really sucking wind compared to the latest version of [redacted], so I have to favor said [fighting redacted]. Sorry, Northwestern, but there's not enough heart in those awesome purple jerseys to pull this one out. Them's the breaks. Maybe if you had a more tribal mascot, you could pull off the upset.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Purdue over Indiana</span><br />I want to know what the Old Oaken Bucket is traditionally used for. Not necessarily the trophy per se, but what exactly are we meant to imply the purpose of said bucket? Horse feed? Water transportation? Spittoon? Chamber pot? Carny puke pail?!? The possibilities are astounding. I like the Boilers over the Hoosiers in this game, especially if we're talking about a possibly carnival themed bucket. All of those rides need skilled engineers to keep the rides running, especially the miniature railroad and that spinny flippy not quite a ferris wheel zippy thing that makes everyone ralph on their safety harnesses. WHOO!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Michigan State over Penn State</span><br />The state of Michigan sure has a lot of Land Grant issues with their neighbors, even the ones the don't directly touch. I guess its all a ploy to create some kind of tradition in the Big Ten...but maybe I'm thinking about this too much. I know that either team can only look forward to winning an arbitrary trophy of indeterminate size over the other for the remainder of this season.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wisconsin over Minnesota</span></span><br />I would like to point out right now the connection between the two traditional trophies in this rivalry matchup: Paul Bunyan's Axe and The Slab of Bacon. One hand just washes the other now, doesn't it. Man, back in the day a slab of bacon must have been worth more than a slab of gold, what with all of the salty deliciousness it contained therein. What a great way to sustain oneself over the course of a bitter Northern winter than the bacon of one's enemy. Succulent. Now, the victors get to swing around a freaking axe! That is just ridiculous! Who doesn't like axes? Minnesota better like them a whole lot, because they are going to get a metaphoric axe right between the eyes when Wisconsin gets done with them. The Gophers are horrible, and they will make a fine salted game meat.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ohio State over Michigan</span><br />Of course, the rivalry of all rivalries, The Game between The Ohio State and The Bluey Blue Skunkbears of Michigan. I have to vote against my brothers from another mother here. Besides, I refuse to recognize that compromised shade of Navy as part of the true bloo family. Combined with that dirty corny yellowy "miaze" they mince around up there? P U! THE Buckeyes, the lesser of two evils, and likely the better team, get the nod in this one, if only I get to the see film of the post-game festivities on Cops, America's Most Wanted, To Catch a Predator, and all of those fine reality law-enforcement procedurals that clutter my television.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Boise State over Idaho</span><br />Idaho is totally going down! WHOOOOOOO! GO BRONCOS! BLOO! BLOO! BLOO! My Boys! Man, I love those crazy Boise-onians and their sweetest playing surface ever. I would go there myself for a game or two, but I'm sure they would confuse me for some extra bloo sod or some kind of spirit banner. Idaho is no match for the Big Bloo Machine of the Broncos. The trophy is an afterthought....because they're not touching it. If they do, I'm going up there with my potato gun and taking no prisoners.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Duke over Notre Dame</span><br />Finally, the lamest rivalry of them all, the battle of aspirational peers! I like the Blue Devils in this one for obvious reasons, and besides, what better way to keep the streak alive at Notre Dame! Why ruin a perfectly good winless home season with a victory! Don't mess with history!<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Bloo is FireMarkMay's official imaginary union rep. He has successfully lobbied for "More S'more Fridays."</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-52511505949098624572007-11-14T12:35:00.000-06:002007-11-14T13:14:20.253-06:00Week 12 Bloo-poll!<div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 62px; height: 93px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3269/1218/1600/bloo.png" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Blooregard Q. Kazoo<br /><strong>Staff Figment</strong></strong></div></div><p><br /><br />I'm free! Ahahahahahaha! My brilliant plan of distracting Trev and the kid with alcohol and Xbox has worked to perfection. Now its time for some imaginary fun with your old buddy Bloo. Let's see what's on the docket today....mock naval battles, no.....lighting things on fire....no.....hmm...what the heck is on this darn to do list. Week 12 Blogpoll....and.....that's it?! Where's the whimsy? Where's the fun? Where's the unjustified hate of popular college football figures? And where are the Kitten Civil War reenactments?<br /><br />Oh well, I guess if this is all we've got then it will have to do. But, I'm warning all of you, this is MY Blogpoll, my BLOO-poll, so I don't want to hear any cry babies going on and on and on about how theyre favorite team got the boot, or that I'm not respecting their school enough....blah blah blah. Boring! We're going to do this my way, and its going to be pretty darn clear who's in charge this week.....<br /><br />Week 12 Bloopoll<br /></p><ol><li>Kansas</li><li>Oklahoma</li><li>Missouri</li><li>Louisiana State</li><li>West Virginia<br /></li><li>Oregon</li><li>Arizona State</li><li>Southern Cal</li><li>Virginia Tech</li><li>Boise State<br /></li><li>Ohio State</li><li>Hawaii</li><li>Clemson<br /></li><li>Georgia</li><li>Florida</li><li>Illinois</li><li>Tennessee</li><li>Virginia</li><li>Texas<br /></li><li>Kentucky</li><li>Cincinnati</li><li>Connecticut</li><li>Wisconsin</li><li>Auburn</li><li>Duke!</li></ol>Ta Da! It would almost make a little bit of sense if I had any sense. Whoo!! Look at that lineup! What a great way to talk about this crazy season. I'm sure there's a bunch of people who would like this year to be imaginary, but this is the best we can do. Up is down, down is up, and we're all twirling, twirling!, towards the splendid bowl season. I cant wait to see some of these perfectly normal teams playing northern bowl games weeks before Xmas! Hahahahaha!<br /><br />Let's get to the method of my madness:<span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />The top 5: Kansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Louisiana State, West Virginia</span><br />There's at least some kind of logic, albeit twisted right here at the top. First things first, the Jayhawks have pretty colors, an even prettier record, and the coolest fat man this side of Santa Claus. He is just resplendent, isn't he? Mangino in a track suit kind of looks like that Violet Bouregard gal in Willy Wonka. Amazing. They didn't lose to Colorado, so Oklahoma has to take a back seat, but they beat Missouri, so that explains that. The Big XII might actually be in the drivers seat for once. Louisiana State comes in after that knot, as the chainsaw is still so much fun to write about. West Virginia didn't have their schedule, but who doesn't like a good knifewrench? KNIFEWRENCH!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The next 5: Oregon, Arizona State, Southern Cal, Virginia Tech, Boise State</span><br />Now we start getting un-rational. Oregon is fun to watch, but they ain't a knifewrench, sorry guys. I hope the sweet uniforms get you some points in the real polls. Arizona State is up here as they are a staple Xbox team in the office....we don't know why....Southern Cal comes so lamely predictably at 8, but only because I can't really drop them much further. Besides, extra points for NCAA infractions! RUMOR MONGERING! YAY!!!!!!! VT had a tough go this year, so its hard to drop them any further either....I mean, they lost to the chainsaw and that ridiculous Matt Ryan business. Boise State, my boys, round out the top ten. Sure, they lost to the vicious animals, but they are still super awesome and might get to play a concussed Colt Brennan!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The middle 10: Ohio State, Hawaii, Clemson, Georgia, Florida, Illinois, Tennessee, Virginia, Texas, Kentucky</span><br />Alrighty, Ohio State falls here because I don't like them. There, I said it! It's my poll and I can do what I want. You lose to redacted, you get the horns. Hawaii comes in behind my Broncos because I don't like them.....no one cares? Moving on. Clemson is head and speedy shoulders above the rest of these speedy teams because there's nothing we like more than fluky ACC teams with blue as a secondary color...or is it purple....now even I'm confused. Next, we rank the orange teams, Florida, Illinois, Tennessee, Virginia, and Texas, also in order of how awesome I think they are. Illinois gets extra points for kicking out the Buckeyes, Texas gets knocked back for not impressing me ever. Kentucky rounds out the end because I enjoy their jerseys, their offensive fireworks, and would draft them all in fantasy if I had a legitimate pool.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The last 5: Cincinnati, UCONN, Wisconsin, Auburn, Duke</span><span><br />Cincinnati and UCONN are practically the same team. If I offered them both ice cream, they'd both say yes, so let's not split hairs here. Wisconsin gets major props for defeating my most hated of the blue, non-bloo, family of teams, the smelly smelly skunkbears. Auburn sneaks into the rear because they can win the big game. Finally, rounding out the crazy, I give 1 vote to Duke! Don't act so shocked.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The mysterious remains: Brigham Young, South Florida, Air Force</span><br />Mormons! Bulls! Flying Zamboni Squadrons! Er....Falcons! Why not? These teams are so cool....do I have to explain myself? Crazy offense, hand signals \m/ , and the entire freaking Air Force! <br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Bloo is FireMarkMay.com's official figment. He is currently having tea and cake with the Vicar of Imaginationland.</span><br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-34721883477343710962007-11-07T17:01:00.001-06:002007-11-07T17:47:18.813-06:00Week 11 Blogpoll/Trevonics: On the Road Again?<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />We're compressing posts all of the place, my loyal lemmings of football knowledge. The kid is out there "finding himself" or some other kind of lame new age crap this weeekend. I don't know. Something to do with Himalayan shamans and those weird Scandinavian midget guide business or something. Maybe he's just sick of me and is already abusing my new mental health vacation policies. These are the kinds of things that are important when your staff is normally run by a bunch of figments of the imagination. On top of that, there's that whole bombing of ImaginationLand that's really cramping production around here, not to mention that the Muppet Newscaster is out picketing for the Writers' Guild for reasons only known to him. Anyway, we're going to take a look at the sections of polled blognostery, then some quick picks. <br /><br /><ol><li>Ohio State</li><li>Louisiana State</li><li>Oregon</li><li>Kansas<br /></li><li>Oklahoma</li><li>Missouri</li><li>West Virginia</li><li>Arizona State<br /></li><li>Boston College<br /></li><li>Virginia Tech</li><li>Hawaii</li><li>Connecticut</li><li>Georgia</li><li>Southern Cal<br /></li><li>Florida<br /></li><li>Texas</li><li>Boise State</li><li>Auburn<br /></li><li>Alabama<br /></li><li>Clemson</li><li>Virginia</li><li>Tennessee</li><li>Kentucky</li><li>Florida State</li><li>California<br /></li></ol>The breakdown: <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />The top 5: Ohio State, Louisiana State, Orgeon, Kansas, Oklahoma </span>-<br />Ohio State takes the lead yet again as the world's most boring #1 team. Only some team from Michigan stands in their way from rolling into the title game with nary a scratch on them. The chainsaw and the duck is more that just a bedtime story Papa Alberts used to read to me in my youth. This time around, the chainsaw's conference buddies may not be enough to get it past a PAC-1o champion duck. Of course, in the story, the townspeople all rigged their votes in the end anyway, so the predictions were all thrown to hell. Kansas has a legitimate claim to spoil everything if they can run the table, but that would involve a Big XII Champion from the little known North division. Oklahoma stands in their way, rounding out the top 5 for destroying Mizzou.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The next 5: Missouri, West Virginia, Arizona State, Boston College, Virginia Tech</span>-<br />Things begin to sort themselves out now. Missouri has a chance to scratch and claw its way past the Jayhawks into the Big XII title game. West Virginia is the best team in this crazy Big East season. Arizona State could give the Mountaineers a game, but I'm sure they've their ranking between WfnVU and BC. BC is a falling dagger ladies and gentlemen. Its time to play for Matt Ryan's Heisman, and its basically the Dolphins model from the Marino years. Look that up, see how it worked out. Virginia Tech is doing what Virginia Tech does.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The middle 10: Hawaii, UCONN, UGA, Southern Cal, Florida, Texas, Boise State, Auburn, Alabama, Clemson</span>-<br />The fine logjam of a dilly of a jam of a pickle down here in the middle ten. Hawaii, UCONN, and UGA are doing all they can to get some notice, but its just not happening these days. The Huskies still have a chance to make some waves if they get past Cincy and West Virginia. If they do that, no reason they shouldnt have at least the Mountaineers current ranking. SC>Florida>Texas in the remaining class of the blogpoll, with Boise State ahead of the next tier by means of their resume. Bama has been playing well, but I still think Auburn can win the Iron Bowl this year (and maybe ruin Georgia's season too). Clemson ran so fast, I couldn't put them any lower.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The last 5: Virginia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Florida State, California</span>-<br />In the last 5, resumes are ruling the roost. What else can I say if I'm ranking the Cavaliers ahead of all of these teams? I'll just point out how far Cal has fallen and move on.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The mysterious remains:</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Cincinnati, Illinois, Arkansas</span>-<br />Three teams that still have the opportunities to do some serious damage to their conferences and cobble together some kind of respectable season. They're all having "good" years, but they are on the precipice of OK. I'm looking at you, Arkansas.<br /><br />Now for the quickened picks:<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />Wisconsin (+2.5) over Michigan<br />Clemson (-9) over Wake Forest<br />Missouri (-19.5) over Texas A&M</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tennessee (even) over Arkansas<br />Alabama (-5) over Mississippi State<br />Kentucky (-3.5) over Vanderbilt<br />Boise State (-24) over Utah State<br />Virginia Tech (-6.5) over Florida State<br />Ohio State (-15) over Illinois<br />Texas Tech (+6.5) over Texas, Texas to win<br />Cincinnati (-6.5) over UCONN<br />Arizona State (-7) over UCLA<br />Auburn (+2) over Georgia<br />Oklahoma (-38) over Baylor<br />Virginia (+3.5) over Miami(FL)<br />Florida (-6.5) over South Carolina<br />Kansas (-6) over Oklahoma State<br />Louisiana Tech (+36.5) over Louisiana State, LSU to win<br />California (+4) over Southern Cal<br />Boston College (-6.5) over Maryland<br />Hawaii (-17.5) over Fresno State<br />Air Force (-3) over Notre Dame</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Trev Alberts is not a recognized Blogpoller. His gets migraines when he does it too much.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-57223188017164399832007-11-06T13:22:00.000-06:002007-11-06T13:52:55.884-06:00Week 10 Rundown<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />I'll start this week's Rundown with the end Navy 46-Notre Dame 44. Trev loves him some America, and the kid loves him some Notre Dame, but in the end, what a glorious day for our Naval Academy. I'm sure the plebes celebrated as much as did Saturday night, flooding the office in contraband and leaving our editor with the thankless ceremony of cleaning up after the fruits of my largesse. I think he really appreciated us going all out for the celebration of this glorious streak. I mean, hell, he's already packed his bags again. Hey kid, before you hit the road again, could you mind getting those interns to wheel in my scoreboard?<br /><br />Week 10 Results<br />Against the Spread: 12-7-2<br />Straight Up: 13-8<br /><br />2007 Season-to-date:<br />Against the Spread: 76-86-3<br />Straight Up: 113-51<br /><br />The scrap to .500 and later awesome domination continues, but first we need to get level against Herr Spread. Meanwhile, the straight up still looking pretty damn dead sexy. On to the mostly boring slate of this weekend. We've got a whole lot of mismatches, close games that should have been mismatches, and out of nowhere mismatches. Damn it, Nebraska....<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Ohio State 38-Wisconsin 17</span><br />A methodical pasting of the Big Ten morning order. The Buckeye schedule weakens by the day, and they are the odds on favorite to be the least challenged #1 team ever....until the title game.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Clemson 47-Duke 10</span><br />Basketball....Basketball....Basketball....just keep muttering to yourselves Blue Devils.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Virginia 17-Wake Forest 16</span><br />Virginia is the New Wake Forest? Should I even care? Can we at least get them to short circuit Boston College out of the ACC title game? Is that even possible? I dont really care?<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Florida 49-Vanderbilt 22</span><br />Oh yeah....that's right....Florida is really good, aren't they? And....I learned something today.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Kansas 76-Nebraska 39</span><br />WOW! We gave up 76 points? And Mangino ate a giant wheel of cheese?!? I'm not even mad, that's amazing! Callahan, we hardly knew ye. Man. We are not good.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Georgia 44-Troy 34</span><br />This is why I hate on the 'Dawgs. You have to cover against Troy. Must cover.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Boise State 42-San Jose State 7</span><br />Fair play to Boise State. I think this makes them better than Hawaii, and potential WAC at-large spoiler.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Texas 38-Oklahoma State 35</span><br />Texas keeps managing to win, and I keep managing to find ways to not give them any credit for them.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Michigan 28-Michigan State 24</span><br />Hey, remember when this game mattered for Michigan State? Yeah, that was a great week back in September. Michigan, keep reaching for that NIT.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Cincinnati 38-South Florida 33</span><br />Oh my stars! Would you look at that! The Kiss of Death for the Bulls continues, and the Big East refs decided to stop being socialist for the first time in almost a month.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Tennessee 59-UL Lafayette 7</span><br />See Georgia? That's how you beat your random non-SEC game in November.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Louisiana State 41-Alabama 34</span><br />The Tigers escape the hellmouth of Tuscaloosa, the revenge of the Dark Lord Saban, and head on to the defacto #2 in America. They better keep it up, or they might just get leaped by the Ducks.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Missouri 55-Colorado 10</span><br />These Tigers sure are an interesting bunch too. They're smoking Big XII North teams like they were in the South. I'm ready for a Mizzou rematch with OU in the conference title game, if only because the BCS implications would be insane.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Oregon 35-Arizona State 23</span><br />I'm still not ready to call these Ducks for real. I mean, the PAC-10 is certainly winnable, but are they better than the chainsaw? That's too close of a call for Week 10. Arizona State however, is back on the road to being disproven.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Connecticut 38-Rutgers 19</span><br />The Big East refs are back to their senses! UCONN, the 1-loss team the power conferences love to hate, continues to chug along. Rutgers, on the other hand, remains a disappointment. Well, to last year at least. Two years ago, and everyone would think they were improving.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Oklahoma 42- Texas A&M 14</span><br />It's really sad that these days its a no-brainer that the Aggies won't be competitive. How many negatives did I cram into that sentence? I'm not entirely sure, but its still not enough to express the sucktitude of Coach Fran these days.<br /><br /><span style="FONT-WEIGHT: bold">Arkansas 48- South Carolina 36</span><br />Games like this keep Darren McFadden in the Heisman race. I'm not saying he's a bad running back. No sir, not at all. He is still Humanity Advanced, but it makes it hard to really defend those gaudy numbers he puts up when he gets like 500 of them between two games. I am surprised that he lit up the normally stout 'Cock D, but there are still games where he disappears.<br /><br /><strong>Southern Cal 24 - Oregon State 3</strong><br />The Trojans beat the Beavers! The Trojans beat the Beavers! Do you believe in miracles? Yawn.<br /><br /><strong>Florida State 24 - Boston College 17</strong><br />The Seminoles beat the Eagles! The Seminoles beat the Eagles! Do you belive in miracles?! YES! That's more like it. Big massive, hearty props to everyones favorite Floridian tribe as they end this long national nightmare. No more does the concept of BC leaping LSU or Oregon enter anyone's mind. Go home, Boston College. Don't worry, we'll turn out the lights.<br /><br /><strong>Navy 46-Notre Dame 44</strong><br />The every falling bottom for Notre Dame. Oh, the kid is in good and proper agony, but more on that somewhere else on this fine interwebs. We're all still having to clean up the mess I made in celebration of his torment. Media room? Totally flooded for mock naval battle. Bloo and I decided to recreate that scene in 300 with the Persian Navy, er half the Persian Navy, er that part where a whole bunch of stuff sank. Maybe it was in Troy. I dont remember, I just remember that we need to get new carpeting in here before the mold starts writing articles on its own. Gigantic 43 year old high five to the aquatically inclined armed services. Ram Vela, whose name shall live on in infamy as "that guy that made that sack and also sounds like an Indiana Jones villain," makes a ginormous play that you've probably seen a thousand times by now. The guys vaults his blocker and goes full Superman on Evan Sharpley. Superman, the superhero, not superman as half-brother to "supersoaking that ho" as the young people like to describe these days in song. We looked that up in UrbanDicitonary, and let me tell you, you people are sick! Anyway, back to Navy. So much better than Notre Dame. How did it come to this?<br /><br /><em>Trev Alberts is a licensed football rundowner. He can go straight to hell.</em>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-25006121534814565252007-10-31T13:23:00.000-05:002007-10-31T13:25:54.118-05:00Happy HalloweenOur creditors are allowing us to show this video in repayment of Trev's massive gambling debts this season. Apologies in advance. Damn you Welt Sexy Computerspeilenhaus.<br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/IC-791QlYUo&rel=1"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/IC-791QlYUo&rel=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object></center><br /><br />-irishoutsiderUnknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-52625100846801870652007-10-30T21:04:00.000-05:002007-10-30T23:42:03.789-05:00Week 10 Trevonics<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />Shock and awe for my loyal followers! A Trevonics by Odin's day? MADNESS! To be honest, its cause we're ditching this Popsicle stand yet again this weekend, as the kid is still roaming the Earth like that Kung FU guy in the wake of this awful Notre Dame season. Meanwhile, we had to make sure we didn't leave our cult following without another dose of the Trev. Scoreboard, ho!<br /><br />2007 Season-to-date:<br />Against the Spread: 64-79-1<br />Straight Up: 100-43<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ohio State (-15.5) over Wisconsin</span><br />3 months ago, I had this game circled on the calendar. Wisconsin on the rise, blah blah blah, and Ohio State not exactly lighting the world on fire. Well, the Buckeyes still aren't doing anything more than the ruthlessly methodical grinding of thier opponents into a thick Midwestern paste. The Badgers will be turned into the latest dumpling.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Ohio State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Clemson (-16) over Duke</span><br />Its basketball season now, right? DONE!<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Clemson</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Virginia (even) over Wake Forest</span><br />UVA is the new Wake Forest. You bore me, Demon Deacons. Off to basketball season with you as well!<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Virginia</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Vanderbilt (+16) over Florida</span><br />These Commodores are no pushovers, sirs. They can sling it, and they can hang with their conference big brothers. 16 points is too damn much for a day game at The Swamp, but Ill split the pick. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Vanderbilt to cover, Florida to win</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Kansas (-19) over Nebraska</span><br />Oh, where is the horse and the rider? How did it come to this? The fat man, he comes for the Huskers, in the afternoon, and in the clanging and gnashing of husking shall echo into the still night, in a flurry of velour and awesomeness.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Kansas</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Georgia (-16.5) over Troy</span><br />I've been been doing what they call "hating" on the Dawgs this season, but this won't be a challenge for them<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Georgia</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">San Jose State (+25.5) over Boise State</span><br />Watch out for San Jose State, they can put up some points, and they've given Hawaii a good scare this year. Boise State, on the other hand, is still "that team that lost to Washington." I think you know where I stand.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick:San Jose State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oklahoma State (+3) over Texas</span><br />I'm still riding this to hell. Texas is still not impressing me this year. Heck, they almost lost to my Huskers for crying out loud. This one could be a shootout, and I favor the Cowboys, as is the style at this time.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Oklahoma State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Michigan (-4) over Michigan State</span><br />Sigh. Michigan is good again. Its not cool to root for Michigan State anymore. Just root for the Skunkbears to bring their Appalachian Stink to the Rose Bowl.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Michigan</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">South Florida (-4) over Cincinnati</span><br />New law of the Big East: screw the team with fewer losses.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: South Florida</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Tennessee (-29.5) over LA Lafayette</span><br />Ugh. Why is there a line? Now I have to be somewhat concerned with this game. Its November! How is this even happening? <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Tennessee</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Alabama (+7.5) over Louisiana State</span><br />Hmm. The Revenge of the Saban? Isn't it really the revenge of the Chainsaw? Louisiana State is very angry, and I don't like pissing off any mythological creatures with power tools for members. This is an SEC rivalry game of the highest order, so I'm taking the points and splitting the pick.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Alabama to cover, Louisiana State to win</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Missouri (-3.5) over Colorado</span><br />This feels like a trap line, like someone on the inside knows coach Hawkins is planning on spiking the Mizzou Kool-Aid or something, but I have to go with the likelihood that the Tigers could still hang 50 on the Buffs while under the influence.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Missouri</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oregon (-7) over Arizona State</span><br />Its put up or shut up time for Arizona State, where they go from one possibly lucky win to rising to meet a second challenge. They get by Oregon in Autzen, and they have a legitimate shot at running the table...REALLY?<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Oregon</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Rutgers (+2.5) over Connecticut</span><br />Big East screwjob number....I've lost track...I think this will be number four by then.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Rutgers</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oklahoma (-21) over Texas A&M</span><br />The Aggies are still playing football this year? What with all of the turmoil and rumors and whatnot, I lost track of if they were any good. Judging by the line, I'm guessing no, and I'll have to stick with Oklahoma and their awesomeness.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Oklahoma</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">South Carolina (+4.5) over Arkansas</span><br />Also in the "hey, they were supposed to be kind of good, right?" is Arkansas. The 'Cocks are getting points in an equally tumultuous setting in Fayetteville. Maybe we'll get to see another exciting 9-6 SEC showdown, but I have to like the Visor's chances.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: South Carolina</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Southern Cal (-15) over Oregon State</span><br />A lot of Trojan revenge here, between last year's upset, and coming off of last week's loss.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick:Southern Cal</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Florida State (+6.5) over Boston College</span><br />Please Please Please Florida State. Stop this madness. Restore some Order. Throw a Flaming Spear through Matt Ryan's head, and end this long national nightmare.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Florida State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Notre Dame (-3.5) over Navy</span><br />While we're discussing national nightmares, I think Notre Dame (-3.5) is an affront to our fine men and women in the armed services. Not just the Naval Academy, either, but the entire armed services. This game is the true test of naval fortitude. If they can't beat easily the worst Irish team in the modern era, that streak is going to take another world war to get the necessary footballing talent back to Annapolis.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Notre Dame</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Trev Alberts used to be an empty suit for ESPN. He is a roadtripping fool.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-23285646513664677112007-10-29T18:45:00.000-05:002007-10-29T19:27:10.422-05:00Week 10 Blogpoll: Deception!<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br />I see the loyal Trevians are storming the gates like the college football barbarians of yore. I am so proud of my internet army of the night. Kudos to you, fine savage beasts of the Trev! you have awoken me from my slumber, the kid from his numerous distractions, and have earned an earnest and humble apology from your overlord, the Me. Actually, the kid will be the one truly apologizing, because he is sorry, and a little whiny bitch, and my eternal scapegoat. Long story short, I tried to start composing the entire site on his iPhone, but there were just too many spelling errors, too many things unnecessarily auto-corrected, and the entire office is full of sausage-fingered freaks! It was really a perfect storm that was just plain out of control. Also, the Germans have tried to break my legs on numerous occasions, and we lost some of our best interns trying to distract them these past few days. The current casualties of my lackluster selections this season are two thumbs, a pinky nail, three kneecaps, a sternum, and a minor concussion. <br /><br />With that out of the way, the best way to get the ball back and rolling is with an unnecessary list! Something really arbitrary and time sensitive. You know, something that will be dated almost as soon as we're done posting the damn thing. Of course! A Blogpoll! Specious reasoning ahoy!<br /><br /><ol><li>Ohio State</li><li>Boston College</li><li>Louisiana State<br /></li><li>Arizona State<br /></li><li>Oregon</li><li>West Virginia</li><li>Kansas<br /></li><li>Oklahoma</li><li>Missouri</li><li>Virginia Tech</li><li>Hawaii</li><li>Connecticut</li><li>Georgia</li><li>Auburn</li><li>Alabama</li><li>South Florida</li><li>Southern Cal</li><li>Florida</li><li>Texas</li><li>Clemson</li><li>Purdue<br /></li><li>Virginia</li><li>Wake Forest</li><li>Boise State</li><li>South Carolina</li></ol><br />The breakdown: <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br />The top 5: Ohio State, Boston College, Louisiana State, Arizona State, Oregon </span>-<br />When last met our top 5, I was giving USF the kiss of death. Now, we see some kind of cream surface to the top of this rancid buttermilk of a season. Ohio State and LSU, ok, that makes some sense, even Oregon to some degree, but man, Boston College and Arizona State? This just doesn't happen, people. I almost gave the Sun Devils the number 3, but then remembered that LSU would still chainsaw them into itty bitty pieces of tanned devil jerky 9 times out of 10. Also, their only real victory is this past week over Cal....which is becoming less impressive by the day. Oregon is only a few more steps from claiming the title of best 1-loss team, as I'm sure 2nd losses will continue to be handed out like free Comcast broadband internet.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The next 5: West Virginia, Kansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Virginia Tech</span>-<br />Some real judgment calls here, and a big ol' Big XII knot if there ever was one. First of all, WVU has the best remaining one-loss in my opinion that doesn't involve directly losing to Oklahoma. Therefore, they are ahead of OU, which begats the Mizzou, son of Shahazbar of the Ozark tribe. But, where to place Kansas? The current reigning awesome fat man of college football deserves some credit for this ridiculous Jayhawks season, but they can't enter the class of the 1-loss power programs until they backslide into them, defeat Missouri, or win the Big XII title, whichever happens first...and then whatever happens next. Virginia Tech is really wishing for a playoff system right now, as their only losses are to the #2 and #3 teams in the county. They are two Matt Ryan ass-rabbits from the top 5 and riding shotgun in the 1-loss-title shot mobile, but thems the breaks.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The middle 10: Hawaii, UCONN, UGA, Auburn, Alabama, USF, Southern Cal, Florida, Texas, Clemson</span>-<br />Questions start off the the middle ten. Is there enough crazy juice left in this season to give Hawaii and UCONN various kinds of BCS mojo? Can I just pencil them into the Fiesta Bowl now? Georgia keeps proving me wrong and is on a collision course for the SEC title game if they can get past Auburn in two weeks. The Tigers get the WTF award at this time of the year, having been so up and down while being on both sides of some truly pivotal games. Bama has the shot to do its fair share of damages at home against The Chainsaw. South Florida's ranking is honorary at this point, just because they can almost be argued as a pick'em against the Trojans...and I'm enjoying that right now more than anything else. Florida rides its quality 5 wins and 3 quality losses as far as their SEC pedigree will take them, and that's more than sleepwalking UT. Clemson still gets style points from me, and I'll still take them over anyone in the bottom 5.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The last 5: Purdue, Virginia, Wake Forest, Boise State, Tennessee</span>-<br />Purdue gives the Big Ten their second representative in the top 25 on the merits of them not being Wisconsin or the exiled Michigan. They have 2 losses...to UM and tOSU. That's the Big Ten equivalent of losing to LSU and Auburn, but, you know, not as much because its not the SEC. UVA and Wake Forest are surviving the allure of mediocrity, the siren song of the ACC, and Tennessee rounds out the top 25 for being better than the Visor head to head.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The mysterious remains:</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Wisconsin, South Carolina, Kentucky, California</span>-<br />Again, a constant reminder that Michigan remains unranked. No points awarded. None. We are, however, secretly rooting for them to win the Big Ten by the destruction of Ohio State, whirling the free world into chaos, and spreading the Appalachian State herpes to a vast majority of the nation. Wisconsin, South Carolina, and Kentucky can still back into the bottom 5 (or better) if they win out....but California is hanging on by a very thin thread.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Trev Alberts is not a recognized Blogpoller. He cannot be auto-corrected.<br /></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-44376668310944664642007-10-25T14:57:00.000-05:002007-10-25T15:00:43.666-05:00Bye WeekAs if we weren't taking 15 consecutive breaks around here before, the Bye week for the Irish is an official holiday for all of us this season. So sayeth the me. Catch everyone after this weekend. <br /><br />Mao! Boston College, Mao!<br /><br />-irishoutsiderUnknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-48986507346883582202007-10-24T00:19:00.000-05:002007-10-24T00:53:02.051-05:00Week 8 Rundown: Finally, with Sloth.<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br />Sorry everyone, the entire office had been shut down for a while whilst the kid recovered from that so-called "football game" involving ND and Southern Cal. No hilarious excerpts from J Peterman this time, and certainly no time for Muppet Broadcasting, as this is truly the abyss for our fearless editor. The nothingness of the Irish completes dominates his being, and he is not wont to do anything other than stare into its endless darkness. Personally, I think its awesome. I mean, finally someone is using that abyss we had installed late last season, and he's giving everyone all of these sweet extra personal days. Fortunately, I have nothing better to do than to hang out at the compound and mock his misfortune. Unfortunately, with no interns around until later this week, I have to lug in this scoreboard all by my damn manly Trev self.<br /><br />Week 8 Results:<br />Against the Spread: 7-8<br />Straight Up: 9-6<br /><br />2007 Season-to-date:<br />Against the Spread: 64-79-1<br />Straight Up: 100-43<br /><br />Another anemically burly showing in the straight up column, but that ATS line still ain't pulling its weight. Good thing I didn't have to pick the UCLA game, that would have been completely out of left field. I have run out of excuses for this season other than total chaos....we can't even get the Wheel of Death out here because it won't stop spinning. Its unwieldy that one, it is.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Pitt 24-Cincy 17</span><br />Oh, that whole fair catch thing wasn't cool? Thanks, Big East refs, for totally ruining another Cinderella story. First, no way that was offensive PI in the USF game....and now this. It's like you're trying to make sure no one can "Rutgers it up." Whatever, you don't need al that national exposure anyway, right? And at least the Panthers won a giant rectal themometer for their troubles.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Vandy 17- South Carolina 6</span><br />I honestly don't know how to feel right now. Go 'Dores? You have to feel awesome for Vandy, but they do have Visor blood on their hands. Oh well, at least SOS will get more credit for losing than Vandy will get for winning. That's how poll inertia works.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Alabama 41-Tennessee 17</span><br />Yeah.....they got the snot kicked out of them. Dark Lord Saban mind tricked us all with his fully operational Crimson Tide.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oklahoma 17-Iowa State 7</span><br />This should make Cyclones fans feel optimistic about their future defenses under Chizik. Now, if they could just find another year of eligibility for Seneca Wallace, they can run that crazy spread Missouri business that seems to be so popular these days.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Texas 31-Baylor 10</span><br />Completing the Big XII mails it in duet are the Longhorns putting away Baylor convincingly, but not convincingly enough for the Germans....Damn Texas.....<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">West Virginia 38-Mississippi State 13</span><br />Well at least one offensive machine can still cover the spread around here. Too bad these style points only mean something if your schedule strength is worth a damn...and the Big East has certainly seen to it that it does not....no sir....it does not. Nice Sly Week though.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Missouri 41-Texas Tech 10</span><br />The Tigers have out pirated the Pirate King! The Dread Pirate Leach has been depirated! I'm pretty sure this is how he got the title in the first place. Good job, Leach, your boosters will likely kill you in the morning.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ohio State 24-Michigan State 17</span><br />What I really want is for Michigan State to be coached by Dennis Green. Dusting off the old chestnut...THE BUCKEYES WERE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE. Meanwhile, the Sweatervest grinds it out like Sweatervest does. THE remaining schedule is Wisconsin (snuh...now), Penn State (BRAINS! AND 7 INTS!), and Michigan (Bo, still dead). The remaining question is whether Southern Cal or the SEC champ gets to wax them by three scores.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">UCLA 30-California 21</span><br />I know this wasn't a pick but REALLY?!?!?! Karl Dorrell has dug himself quite the trench in Westwood, winning just enough, just big enough to stick around. Watch them beat Southern Cal again....and their fans might actually boo.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Kansas 19-Colorad 14</span><br />Mmm....Buffalo. Mangino is the smartest fat coach you've never heard of...or at least the one with the least credit. Kansas is undefeated this year. KANSAS! THIS YEAR!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oregon 55-Washington 34</span><br />How to keep your job in the PAC-10, fall backwards into a kickass QB who's first words as a child were "I'm going to play for the Huskies," and sit back while he turns broken play after broken play into some kind of offense. This works on the West Coast. Meanwhile, keep every game close at the half, and don't make any adjustments, ever. Looking competitive is just as good as actually being competitive right? <br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Michigan 27-Illinois 17</span><br />Personally, I wanted to see this game go down to a field goal, because [redacted] decided to give Michigan the wind in the 4th in a close game. He's thinking, "hey, we're tied at home here, I've deferred, let's go ahead and make this as easy as possible for UM to pull it out of their ass." Luckily, it didn't come down to that, as somewhere in the 3rd quarter, [fighting redacted] looked at their jerseys, realized they were Illinois, and that Midnight Madness had occurred. DING! Illinois turned back into a basketball school.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">LSU 30-Auburn 24</span><br />Les Miles, once again proving that brains does not win games in 2007. I think most things have already been said to that effect.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern Cal 38-Adidas Green Jersey Models n/a</span><br />A four-hour exhibition match between an actual football program, and a bunch of dudes wearing throwbacks. It was basically a fashion show, but with much more falling down. I'm sure if I was on the ND offensive line, I wouldn't be able to hear the coverages over my bright yellow pants either. Yes, this is a down year, and yes, the recruiting classes are still awesome, but for the Irish faithful, this year has gone beyond bad, beyond sad, to the just plain life-questioning inky blackness of the void....and that's what I have to deal with every day<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Trev Alberts is a former ESPN hair model. He owns The Abyss on Laserdisc.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-45510033845905561892007-10-18T10:11:00.000-05:002007-10-18T16:22:53.899-05:00Week 8 Trevonics: Trickeration<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />For once I get back on track and get the Trevonics in under the gun, early rather than never. The kid tricked me into thinking South Florida was the deadline tonight. Smooth operator, that editor of mine, but it still doesn't change the fact that I'm the only one pulling his weight around here lately. Granted, the Trev pulls himself a lot of weight, but that is besides the point. Interns, pull in my weighty scoreboard.<br /><br />2007 Season-to-date:<br />Against the Spread: 57-71-1<br />Straight Up: 91-37<br /><br />There's some interesting games on the slate, some interesting interesting as well as some "interesting" interesting, so let's get right down to it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Cincinnati (-9.5) over Pittsburgh (1200et)</span><br />The Wannstache is not in a very good situation. Maybe its just a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but the Big East has just exploded since he's shown up. Then again, maybe it's the exposure other programs are getting by shellacking the Panthers on ESPN. I don't know, I'm not a scientist, but now it's Cincy's turn to stand on the shoulders of former giants. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Cincinnati</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Vanderbilt (+13) over South Carolina (1230et)</span><br />I am fully aware of how awesome I think the Visor and the 'Cocks are this season, but don't doubt the Commodores. They played UGA real tough last week at home, and this game isn't going to be played in the deep, dark Columbian evening. I'd like to think it will be a close match, and I'll split the pick.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Vanderbilt to cover, USC to win</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Tennessee (pick) over Alabama (1230et)</span><br />However, my blatant favoritism of the Dark Lord Saban has waned these past few weeks. Anyone been watching the Volunteers lately? They're playing well enough to make 'Bama a home dog in light of recent troubles with Florida State et al. Again, a close game, but no split pick as I think the Vols pull it out in the end. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Tennessee</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oklahoma (-30) over Iowa State (1230et)</span><br />This is why we make fun of the Big XII North. The Sooners let Mizzou into last week's game by divine providence, something the Cyclones won't be as fortunate to receive. Fewer turnovers, more possession, and a weaker team are going to add up to more points...many many many more points.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Oklahoma</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Texas (-25) over Baylor (1230et)</span><br />Same story here. Texas will play like the best damn 2-loss team in the universe in a game that doesn't mean anything. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Texas</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Kentucky (+6.5) Florida (330et)</span><br />Wowzers. Kentucky knocks off the chainsaw that still is LSU, and now plays host to Florida, a perfect defensive mismatch against Andre Woodson's air-raiding. They are going to open it up against the Gators, and as long as they can stop UF's three plays (hint: one of them is Tebow Off-Tackle), they'll keep it close. Combine that with the home field and the UK mojo, and the pick is clear....although I have to make sure they kid doesn't subliminally dictate Florida.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Kentucky</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">West Virginia (-24.5) over Mississippi State (330et)</span><br />This will not be pleasant, and it will not be fast.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: West Virginia</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Missouri (-3.5) over Texas Tech (330et)</span><br />There is a very real possibility that there are 100 points scored in this game, and that might just be Texas Tech. However, Missouri may just have the edge in defense and dare I say, offensive flexibility. A mobile QB in a spread out offense is all the rage these days, and I don't know if the Red Raiders have it in them to stop anything, let alone that.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Missouri</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Michigan State (+17) over Ohio State (330et)</span><br />Don't think for a second that Sparty is going to pull off the upset du week 8, because its just not happening. However, there is a very real possibility that MSU makes a game out of this, sans John L Smith, not to mention Ohio State playing its particular brand of tight, regimented Tressel Ball under the weight of a 2007 #1. 17 points is just too much, but the Buckeyes escape faster than you can dot the I.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: MSU to cover, OSU to win</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Cal over UCLA (OFF) (330et)</span><br />I can't make an official pick here, but I do want to point out that this line is hilarious.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Kansas (-3.5) over Colorado (530et)</span><br />Mangino will not fall to the same fate as Oklahoma, second helpings just aren't as delicious...I mean, coach will eat them anyway, but there will be no double dipping in Boulder. <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Kansas</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Kansas State (+3) over Oklahoma State (705et)</span><br />In a game like this, with the way these teams can open it up at any time, I have to go with the team that looks like it wants it more, and that has been KState all year long. No offense to the Cowboys, but there is something going on in Manhattan these days, and I don't think OSU is ready for it.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Kansas State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oregon (-11.5) over Washington (730et)</span><br />Just as an experiment, I want to know how many first half lines Washington has won this year. I'm just saying its the only chance they got this week.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Oregon</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Illinois (+2.5) over Michigan (800et)</span><br />[Redacted], go you [redacted], fight on [fighting redacted], stop all of this crazy talk of skunkbear resurgence. Do it for the Trev.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Illinois</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Louisiana State (-10.5) over Auburn (900et)</span><br />NIGHT GAME IN BATON ROUGE. The gates of hell spring open, the chainsaw werewolf is fully formed, and Auburn is going to need more than three field goals to get this done. This is not Arkansas.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: LSU</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Southern Cal (-17) over Notre Dame (330et)</span><br />The kid is about to stab me to death with various steely knives as I dictate this, but even in the light of Southern Cal's truly disappointing, by Trojan standards, season, Notre Dame is too young, too green, too everything that SC is not for this game. The Irish need to play perfect football to have a chance, as every turnover WILL be 7 points. Its not a very good matchup for them at all. That, and the poodle has all sorts of vengeance on his mind. I'm going to hide in my sniper proof office now.... <br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Trev's pick: Southern Cal</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Trev Alberts is a current CSTV analyst. He is a major tool.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-7135659610851616592007-10-15T19:55:00.000-05:002007-10-15T20:10:50.818-05:00Week 8 Blogpoll: Extra Tasty Crazy<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />Get ready for an extra dose of crazy, loyal Trevians, as if the season to date hasn't been chock full of absolute life-questioning upsets. Just saying, there's a lot of madness to go around, and this week's blogpoll is no exception. Between my over-correcting, my under-correcting, and my flat out bold presumptions...well....you take a look.<br /><br />1. South Florida<br />2. Ohio State<br />3. Boston College<br />4. South Carolina<br />5. Kentucky<br />6. Louisiana State<br />7. Southern Cal<br />8. Oklahoma<br />9. California<br />10. Virginia Tech<br />11. Oregon<br />12. Hawaii<br />13. Kansas<br />14. West Virginia<br />15. Florida<br />16. Arizona State<br />17. Missouri<br />18. Tennessee<br />19. Auburn<br />20. Georgia<br />21. Florida State<br />22. Virginia<br />23. Cincinnati<br />24. Texas Tech<br />25. Kansas State<br /><br /><br />The breakdown: <span style="font-weight: bold;">The top 5: USF, Ohio State, Boston College, South Carolina, Kentucky</span>-<br />There it is. I'm saying it right now. South Florida is the best team in the country today. Undefeated, untied, and with wins over West Virginia and at Auburn that leaves them above the rest. A consensus number one in the computers, and if they'd been around for more than 10 years, they'd be no doubt number one. Ohio State may have the pedigree, and they may have a chance to close the gap with games against Penn State and Michigan, but for right now, put up the horns for the Bulls. Boston College is here on undefeated momentum, a Heisman candidate at QB, and that lovely East Coast bias. South Carolina over Kentucky over Louisiana State by the wonders of the transitive property.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The next 5: Louisiana State, Southern Cal, Oklahoma, California, Virginia Tech</span>-<br />And that leaves a very angry, very deadly Tiger team here at number 6. Its at that point in the season that you can argue that they are the best team, but are also the most underrated. That point when talent and potential start giving way to computers, polls, wins, and losses. Southern Cal is up here yet again trading on their name, as Stanford isn't the best loss in the world. In fact, Colorado, Oregon State, and LSU are better losses, but that's the way it goes.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The middle 10: Oregon, Hawaii, Kansas, West Virginia, Florida, Arizona State, Missouri, Tennessee, Auburn, Georgia</span>-<br />We now settle on strength of losses and quality wins. Oregon's sole loss to Cal looked really good until they forgot they couldn't stop the clock against the Beavers. However, since some crazy types think Michigan is rankable, I guess that shellacking gets more credit. Kansas should probably be higher than Hawaii, and they'll have plenty of opportunity to overcome the Colt Brennan mojo. WVU has the 1-loss edge over Florida, to USF of all teams, while Arizona State retains zero credit for their resume to date. Mizzou has the ability to shock some people, but they couldn't get past Oklahoma, placing them in the strange creamy middle of talent vs. resume. Tennessee is back to pasting people proper while Auburn and Georgia still fail to impress....beyond beating Florida of course.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The last 5: Florida State, Virginia, Cincinnati, Texas Tech, Kansas State</span>-<br />Rounding out the bottom of the list are some teams with some respectability, like Florida State, some teams clamoring for SOME respect, like UVA, Cincy, and TTech, while Texas, like many of the mysterious remains, clamoring for someone to look past their record and trade on their name a little more. See also Michigan. K-State beat Texas, so that puts them here, and the horns down there.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The mysterious remains:</span><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Illinois, Penn State, Texas, Michigan (really?!)</span>-<br />Let's get this out of the way right quick. Michigan lost to a DI-AA team. I don't care how good Appalachian State is this year. I don't care how good Michigan is now. All I care about is that at the bottom of the Top 25, there are plenty of teams with better resumes than the skunkbears that deserve the honorable mentions that this ranking strata entails. The redacteds and the zombies are having better years overall than UM, not to mention K-State thoroughly. Texas may be back to there cupcake stomping ways, but they need to earn it just like everyone else.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Trev Alberts is not a recognized Blogpoller. He is the Trev.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-34874747553277211092007-10-14T10:10:00.001-05:002007-10-14T11:26:24.587-05:00Week 7 Rundown: Jovi Punch!<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br />The power of the subconscious Trev! I pulled a sweet record without even thinking, subliminally serving up some Trevonic beatdowns....too bad I get no points from Yahoo! Sports, and may God have mercy on my soul. Save me, Scoreboard!<br /><br />Week 7 Results:<br />Against the Spread: 12-8<br />Straight Up: 15-5<br /><br />2007 Season-to-date:<br />Against the Spread: 57-71-1<br />Straight Up: 91-37<br /><br />That straight up is still so scrumtrillescent if I must say so myself. In this crazy mixed up world of bizarro college football, the great predicting mind that is me is almost 75% at just picking random teams. Coin flips rock! Anyway, in salute of the absolute madness that is this season, please enjoy this film that I view as a metaphor for the entire 2007 season: Andy Samberg punching people just before eating.<br /><br /><center><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/WxIEjZUw8yg"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/WxIEjZUw8yg" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="350"></embed></object></center><br /><br />See, its like the guy eating the pizza is Cal, and Andy is Oregon State. MURDER! Enjoy the snappy tune as I rundown the latest chapter of insanity.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Hawaii 42-San Jose State 35</span><br />Once again, Colt Brennan snatches victory from the jaws of defeat, continuing their march to being "the next Boise State." Honestly though, I'm not seeing it right now, especially if the Warrior defense is this swiss-cheesy.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Virginia Tech 43-Duke 14</span><br />Thanks for coming out, Duke.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Ohio State 48-Kent State 3</span><br />Ohio State, the best team in Ohio. We know this because they play every team in Ohio. Are they even in the Big Ten anymore?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">South Florida 64-Central Florida 12</span><br />This was quite unexpected. Thumbs down to me for thinking UCF had some fight in them. You'd think they'd defend their title as "that other Florida team" a little bit harder. I am still pulling full transitive USF > Texas arguments.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Iowa 10-Illinois 6</span><br />This is why you're [redacted]. Iowa gets to hang their hat on the chiefs, and what a sad state of affairs it is when that is your Big Ten.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Texas 56-Iowa State 13</span><br />This still doesn't make you good, Texas. Glad you're getting your practice reps in now as a opposed to say....August...and glad to see you can beat up Iowa State instead of, you know, football teams.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Kansas 58-Baylor 10</span><br />Ladies and gentlemen, your undefeated Kansas Manginos.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Tennessee 33-Mississippi State 21</span><br />The Vols win their Sly Week in convincing enough fashion.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oregon 53-Washington State 7</span><br />This is kind of like Texas' match up with Iowa State as celebrating such a victory is akin to kicking a dog.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">South Carolina 21-North Carolina 15</span><br />The Tarheels put up an unexpectedly tough fight with the Gamecocks as the Visor click clacks his way out of danger.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Southern Cal 20-Arizona 13</span><br />Southern Cal, you're like totally not impressing me anymore. I find it very hard to believe that the PAC-10 and/or Idaho are all that talented, and you're like, the bestest team ever right? Where's the style points?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Kentucky 43-Louisiana State 37</span><br />The crazy meter is officially gone to 11 with this game, everyone. Kentucky is ranked ahead of the chainsaw, who may still be the best team in the country, but must now overcome their single-loss ness. Unbelievable. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Penn State 38-Wisconsin 7</span><br />Equally shocking, the Wisconsin Badgers have been thoroughly exposed by the Big Ten, and will have now fallen from 5 to out of the top 25 in two weeks. Staggering. It boggles the mind. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Georgia 20-Vanderbilt 17</span><br />I would have absolutely loved to see the Commodores add to the seasonal madness, but alas no. Georgia, this is why I don't like you, and I still can't explain it.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oklahoma 41-Missouri 31</span><br />This game has gained a bunch of respect in my book for giving the Sooners a game in Norman. Its a moral victory, but while those don't really exist, I'm giving full credit here. Mizzou is better than I've given them credit. Oklahoma, however, is a very good team, and good teams win these games at home.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Oregon State 31-California 28</span><br />Cal was the number one team in the country for about 90 minutes on Saturday night...and then that redshirt QB of there's forgot that he can't get sacked....but scrambled for the endzone anyway. That's what you get for not kicking the field goal I guess. Actually, I hope no one is too hard on the poor kid. I mean, I guess that play did just make Ohio State #1....so yeah....hate is a strong word in this case....but he's getting transitive Buckeye hate from the Trev. Fair play to the Beavers for adding to the crazy.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Louisville 28-Cincinnati 24</span><br />The Big East is a mess, a right solid mess, and I don't know what to say about it other than throw my hands up in the air and say "Done!" Moving on.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Auburn 9-Arkansas 7</span><br />Its good to see someone wanted to win this game. Auburn is quickly clawing its way back to respectability on the bodies of big name SEC teams.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Arizona State 44-Washington 20</span><br />A Sun Devil is a vicious animal, ok?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Boston College 27-Notre Dame 14</span><br />Its nice that the Eagles let Notre Dame skate by on the point spread, its discernible progress. There's not much more to say about this game other than Boston College plays a solid football game, Notre Dame is still working on it. No questionable calls, no shady pass coverage, and no offensive meltdowns will change that Boston College was winning this football game. However, they are the reason the kid is still passed out in a St. Joe County holding cell.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Trev Alberts is a former ESPN analyst. He is the sanest guy you know.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-33763222429925158322007-10-12T18:48:00.000-05:002007-10-12T19:29:28.265-05:00Week 7 Trevonics: Sparing us All<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br />Holy heck! Where did the week go? One second I'm building the perfect blogpoll, the next its Friday night, and I'm locked out of the stupid Yahoo pick them! I'd like to blame lots of things, but they are too numerous to have the kid type out. Mainly, they're all out to get me. The Germans, the NCAA, college football in general, and the concept of the points spread itself. In the abstract, seriously, after me. Let's get the equally fictional scoreboard out here for some rapid fire paranoia.<br /><br />2007 Season-to-date:<br />Against the Spread: 45-63-1<br />Straight Up: 76-32<br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Hawaii (-18.5) over San Jose State<br />Virginia Tech (-14) over Duke<br />Ohio St (-31) over Kent State<br />UCF (+11.5) over USF, USF to win<br />Illinois (-3.5) over Iowa<br />Texas (-16) over Iowa State<br />Kansas (-27) over Baylor<br />Tennessee (-7) over Mississippi State<br />Oregon (-18.5) over Washington State<br />South Carolina (-7) over North Carolina<br />Southern Cal (-21) over Arizona<br />Kentucky (+10) over Louisiana State, LSU to win<br />Penn State (-7) over Wisconsin<br />Georgia (-7) over Vanderbilt<br />Oklahoma (-10.5) over Missouri<br />Cal (-14) over Oregon State<br />Louisville (+10) over Cincinnati, Cincy to win<br />Auburn (+3) over Arkansas<br />Arizona State (-13.5) over Washington<br />Notre Dame (+13.5) over Boston College</span><br /><br />I'd love to stay and explain the methods to my madness, but the office is going on a bear hunt early in the morning. There will be barenjager and Canada. That's really all I can say for certain.<br /><br /><span style="font-style:italic;">Trev Alberts is a member of the legitimate media. He is not recognized this week by Yahoo! Sports.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-58619138263446484182007-10-10T11:50:00.000-05:002007-10-10T12:03:59.887-05:00Week 7 Blogpoll: Mass Hysteria<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br />Just more damn chaos in the ranks this week. Let's just get on with this before I change my mind. I have no freaking clue how to sort this out. Look at this. I mean....just look at this. This is what I stay sober for? The hell with it!<br /><ol><li>LSU</li><li>California</li><li>Ohio State<br /></li><li>South Florida</li><li>South Carolina</li><li>Boston College</li><li>Southern Cal<br /></li><li>Oklahoma</li><li>Virginia Tech<br /></li><li> Oregon<br /></li><li>Hawaii</li><li>Florida<br /></li><li>West Virginia</li><li>Kentucky<br /></li><li>Wisconsin<br /></li><li>Missouri<br /></li><li>Arizona State</li><li>Cincinnati<br /></li><li>Kansas</li><li>Georgia<br /></li><li>Illinois</li><li>Auburn<br /></li><li>Florida State</li><li>Tennessee</li><li>Texas A&M<br /></li></ol><span style="font-weight: bold;">The breakdown:<br /><br />The top 5: LSU, California, Ohio State, South Florida, South Carolina-</span><br />Ladies and gentleman, the undisputed number 1 with a chainsaw. On all fronts, resume, record, and the ability to devour any lesser ranked opponent with big sharp, pointy teeth, the Tigers are the best team in the country. Cal and Ohio State follow on the strength of their records with South Floridas and Carolinas tumbling their ways upwards with good wins and just plain survival. However, no one is safe from the next unknown kittening. It's coming<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The next 5: Boston College, Southern Cal, Oklahoma, Virginia Tech, Oregon-</span><br />I don't know how the hell they're doing it, but BC is ranked ahead of Southern Cal. Maybe if they'd played Stanford, they'd lose too, there's really no way of knowing, but I'm sure if they did, they'd drop further than 7th. Southern Cal's lofty pedigree keeps them this high, just as it does for Oklahoma, but Colorado at least has a mascot. The Hokies, I admit, are still a bit overrated for now, as I just don't know what the hell they are up to in Blacksburg. They are maybe the most confusing team on this list. Oregon takes the end with the the only 1 loss better than VTs.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The middle 10:</span><span style="font-weight: bold;"> Hawaii, Florida, West Virginia, Kentucky, Wisconsin, Missouri, Arizona State, Cincinnati, Kansas, Georgia-</span><br />The middle ten is just a jumbled mess of tangled resumes. Hawaii deserves something for being undefeated, and considering Florida's main weakness is their secondary, Colt gets the nod. West Virginia should probably switch places with Virginia Tech, and they will as soon as the Big East stop sucking, or Virginia Tech cobbles a consistent offense, or both. Kentucky and Wisconsin are both having great seasons, save for some stumbles, with Kentucky's being more respectable like. They lost to the Visor, not the redacted. Missouri, Arizona State, and Cincinnati are stuck down here on lack of name recognition, and the fact that I just don't plain trust them. Kansas and Georgia get the same treatment, but without the nice resumes...or something....<br /><br /><span><span style="font-weight: bold;">The last 5: Illinois, Auburn, Florida State, Tennessee, Texas A&M-</span><br />The logjam has to end somewhere, and here it do. The Fighting Redacted make quite a statement with their win over Wisconsin, not to mention the crazy state of the Big Ten at the moment. Auburn is prepared to take their role of spoiler as far as it will go, as will Tennessee. Florida State and the Aggies fill out the rest with their potential to also rock the boat.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">The mysterious remains:<br />Purdue, Rutgers, Virginia, Texas- </span><br />The first teams out all show the ability to work their way into the top 25...except Texas....because I am still hating on them. However, everyone else has them on this list somewhere, but when you can barely beat UCF and Arkansas State, while your not living up to the potential, I'm not ready to put them into anything just yet. However, they have the kind of upward mobility reserved for a talented team in a top-heavy conference.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Trev Alberts is not a recognized Blogpoller. He likes to recreate Civil War battles with kitties.<br /></span></span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-8210590369697890232007-10-08T18:18:00.000-05:002007-10-08T20:46:50.108-05:00Week 6 Rundown: The Kitten Virus<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br />Sweet Jeebus, I can't shake whatever the hell is going on here! It's like some kind of plague has followed me from the swampy plague filled swamps of Florida and followed me home. I can't figure it out. The kid's throwing up in the corner, half from illness, half from "overly celebrating", and I am tripping balls on whatever antibiotics I was able to forge from the pharmacy. The great thing about sporting my anchortastic good looks is that I can fake my way through almost any situation that can be covered by not actually being a doctor, but being able to play one on TV. Just grab some paper, write sloppily, possibly while drunk, and throw in some completely random shorthand and voila! Medicated. Scoreboard?<br /><br />Week 6 results:<br />Against the Spread: 4-11<br />Straight Up: 9-5<br /><br />2007 Season-to-date:<br />Against the Spread: 45-63-1<br />Straight Up: 76-32<br /><br />Mercy. The Trev train is spiraling out of control, and there are really only two places this can end up if I don't find the brakes: broken limbs or Mexico.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Boston College 55-Bowling Green 24</span><br />Boston College, the greatest team in the world apparently, gives Bowling Green the whatfor. For beating up on a MAC team with a pretty boy Heisman QB, what do we give them? A top 3 ranking. Really? This guy is Brady Quinn without getting penetrated by Michigan. <span style="font-weight: bold;"><br /><br />West Virginia 55-Syracuse 14</span><br />At least I can still pick winners, its that pesky point spread getting in the way. Glad to see the effing Mountaineers can still hang half a hundred on horrible teams. College football needs that. Side note, however: Big East-still horrible.<span style="font-weight: bold;"></span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Kansas 30-Kansas State 24</span><br />Mangino finds Wildcat delicious. When properly seasoned, it's not too gamy, and it goes well with a nice Caesar salad. Coach however enjoyed his Wildcat with a drum of wedding cake icing and a shopping cart full of pre-cooked meatballs in a light alfredo sauce. The Jayhawk celebrated in a much more disturbing fashion. Hooray for internets!<br /><cente><object height="350" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/9NyrayAmxuc"><param name="wmode" value="transparent"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/9NyrayAmxuc" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" height="350" width="425"></embed></object><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Illinois 31-Wisconsin 26</span><br />On [redacted]! On [redacted]! Confirmation that this is, in fact, Bizarro Year 2008! A team coached by [name redacted] is actually good? I place a late question mark on that, not unlike Ron Burgundy, because I have no freaking clue. That's the kind of year we're having here. I am so confused. Juice! That's a good one?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tennessee 35-Georgia 14</span><br />Correcting the confusion behind my pick on this game. I obviously had no reason to pick Georgia, so I didn't intend to, and I wanted them to prove me wrong....yet I still picked them? Fallacy! Our editor will receive the riot act for his false dictation as soon as he recovers from whatever debilitating illness is currently overtaking his section of the office. We think it might be chlamydia.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oklahoma 28-Texas 21</span><br />Good for you Texas, you pit up a fight. You still lost. I award you no points, and may no one have mercy on you. You are 4-2, 0-2 in conference, and I will personally punch anyone considering also giving you votes. Oklahoma is down, but not out, and I hope they return to their unstoppable ways, if only for discussion's sake.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Arizona State 23-Washington State 20</span><br />I have been fooled by Erickson once more, for he is a bold deceiver. Watch as he mystifies us all into thinking his team can take Southern Cal. I have full faith that he drugged the Trojans this weekend for this exact reason.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Virginia Tech 41-Clemson 23</span><br />With all apologies to the Brothers Mac, Clemson has run itself back in time to when they completely suck. Virginia Tech scored 41 points. That's like 4 ECUs.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Stanford 24-Southern Cal 23</span><br />"With all of the trash talking coming out of Palo Alto, you'd think Stanford was an actual football team." Wow. That was....unexpected. Way to go Cardinal! Everyone, please rise for the Stanford fight song(s):<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">To the tune of "The Victors":<br />3! Point one four one five, Nine! Two six five three five eight, Nine! Seven! Nine three two three, Stanford f-ing RULES!<br /><br />For an official recording of "Stanford F-ing rules" please <a href="http://www.thehouserockbuilt.com/davictors.mp3"><span style="font-weight: bold;">visit HouseRockBuilt.</span></a><br /></span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">To the tune of "Fight On":<br />Stanford! You f-ing trees!<br />You f-ing trees! You f-ind tress!<br />Stanford! You f-ing trees!<br />You f-ing trees! (In the forest!)<br />F-ing trees! (With googly eyes!)<br />F-ing TREEEEES!</span><br /><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Ohio State 23-Purdue 7</span><br />Panty-waist cupcake eaters, the Boilers are. Yes, Notre Dame, you are one of them cupcakes, and your coach finds you delicious. However, all of that sugar made Joe Tiller get all diabetes on everyone. Oatmeal for all as they slowly collapse into Big Ten also-rans, give or take a near miss with Illinois. At what point do we start saying Ohio State's backed into a 1/2 ranking?<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Louisiana State 28-Florida 24</span><br />LSU still gets it done in Mordor. The fires of Hades, a brown liquor tinted furor that swallows all that is good in the still night whole, burns through a 14 point Gator lead, banishing Florida to the massive heap of talented two loss teams. Just for the record, Texas is in the bottom of said pile, and you don't want any part of that madness, Urban.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Cincinnati 28-Rutgers 23</span><br />We've all learned a valuable lesson from all of this Bearcat hysteria, and that is how to properly spell Cincinnati. Big East. WTF. I am so done with you this year, except for USF, because they rock. STOP MESSING IT UP, REST OF CONFERENCE! Put 'em up! \m/<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Missouri 41-Nebraska 6</span><br />Speaking of done with you, let the rebuilding process begin again! I would start burning Callahan in effigy if I was anywhere near Lincoln, or if I had any unburned Callahan effigies still laying around the office. ITS THE BIG TWELVE NORTH! MAKE PLAYS!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Hawaii 52-Utah State 37</span><br />Ick, I forgot it was the WAC, and Hawaii. This is basically par for the course on the big island, they're like a good Texas Tech without the pirates, or last year's Louisville with an even weaker schedule.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Notre Dame 20-UCLA 6</span><br />The current method of celebration is as follows for the Irish supporting interns and colleagues. Firstly, Canadian flags for the rest of the season, as hopes for the International Bowl are reaching critical mass. Secondly, a moving tribute, a shrine really, to defensive coordinator Corwin "Boxy" Brown is to be commissioned and paid homage to. This is your season, Notre Dame, while the rest of the world screams "You're just a box," you scream "I'M JUST A WHAT, BITCH?!?"<br /><br /></cente><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://cache.spreadshirt.com/users/75000/74970/motives/74970_1515989_big.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 138px; height: 138px;" src="http://cache.spreadshirt.com/users/75000/74970/motives/74970_1515989_big.gif" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><cente><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Trev Alberts is a former legitimate journalist. He is not the Duke of New York.<br /></span></cente>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-87193907266758182772007-10-04T23:45:00.000-05:002007-10-04T23:57:58.409-05:00His next trick is to make UCLA disappear.....<center><object width="440" height="361"><param name="movie" value="http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/player.swf?mediaId=3049707"/><param name="wmode" value="transparent"/><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"/><embed src="http://sports.espn.go.com/broadband/player.swf?mediaId=3049707" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="440" height="361" allowScriptAccess="always"></embed></object></center><br /><br />-irishoutsiderUnknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26497673.post-59327730123800635682007-10-04T19:18:00.000-05:002007-10-05T15:51:50.502-05:00Week 6 Trevonics: DayQuil is Orange<span chatdir="2"><span chatindex="EEA8B42F0A55F4F475"><div class="bylinebox" style="margin-top: 8px;"><br /><div class="bylinephoto"><img style="width: 54px; height: 79px;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/4745/3234/1600/trev.jpg" align="middle" border="0" /></div><br /><div class="bylinetext">By <strong>Trev Alberts</strong><br /><strong>formerly of ESPN.com</strong></div></div></span></span><br /><br />We're back to rocking, loyal Trevians. We're rocking the jet lag, the DayQuil, the NyQuil, and I think there's some whooping cough make its way through the ranks. We are completely miserable, internet! On top of that, I've decided we need to do some unexpected management restructuring, so I've punched a hole through the wall of my corner office. Look! You can see the scoreboard from here!<br /><br />2007 Season-to-date:<br />Against the Spread: 41-52-1<br />Straight Up: 67-27<br /><br />If I don't pick up this ATS business, I might punch a hole through that scoreboard....with my face!<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Boston College (-20) over Bowling Green (1200et)</span><br />Boston College, this new and improved, and offensive (in more ways than one) Boston College must be a 3 score favorite over any MAC team if they want me to take this Top 10 business of there's seriously. Anything less is officially beneath them with a lofty ranking like that. I know about absolutely zero about these teams other than "white guy throw ball good."<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Boston College<br /><br />Syracuse (+26.5) over West Virginia (1200et)</span><br />Oh, the effing have fallen! Look at that. Keep the orange mo rolling and get behind one of the sport's greater citrus inspired mascots. The Orange, nee OrangeMEN, have another one in them, while these shaken 'Neers are reeling. They showed me nothing of merit last week, but I'm not medicated enough to actually pick the upset. Split pick.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Syracuse to cover, West Virginia to win</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Kansas (+3) over Kansas State (1200et)</span><br />There are lots of things at play in this rivalry game. First, take the points in the rivalry game. Two, take the points in the rivalry game. Three, take the fat man in the rivalry game. While Ron Prince is a husky gentleman, his girth is nothing compared to awe-inspiring gravitas of the Mangino. I'm pretty sure the Jayhawk offense revolves around using the man's gravitational pull to hurl the ball to previously unseen depths. I blame Weis' recent slimming, slight slimming of course, for this tactic not working in South Bend.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Kansas</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Illinois (-2.5) over Wisconsin (1100et)</span><br />Get on the bus for the [Fighting Redacted]! Again, this feels like an obvious play on Wisconsin, but, honestly, I can't find any specific reason to choose them at this time. What have they really shown us this season? I love me some Badgers, but Sparty was able to move the ball rather well on them, and I think the Juice can do the same. The steady march to bowl eligibility, and a righteous defeat of preseason prejudice!<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Illinois</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Tennessee (-1) over Georgia (330et)</span><br />Again, my uneducated dislike for this year's Georgia team rears its ugly head. Sure, they pulled one out in the heart of Alabama, but can they do it once more? Just another situation where the Dawgs feel like the obvious pick, but I don't have a good reason to actually think they'll win this. I can't explain it. Prove me wrong, kids, prove me wrong.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Georgia</span> <br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Oklahoma (-11) over Texas (330et)</span><br />The shine has certainly come off of this year's shootout, thanks to K-State and Colorado, but in my mind, is all that's really done is drop the points of Oklahoma. Think about it. If the Sooners squeak it out against Colorado, this spread is at least 14.5 in the face of Texas deciding to take this year off. Sure, there's the chance that the Longhorns decide to become an actual Texas football team in this game, but have we really seen any signs of that happening anytime soon? Lest we forget, this is an Oklahoma team that has shown some huge pointy teeth this season.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Oklahoma</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Arizona State (-9) over Washington State (400et)</span><br />Erickson, how you continue to taunt me, with your flashy smile and PAC-10 enigmosity. Of course, I'm going to take you over anonymous State. It's too soon for you to break my heart.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Arizona State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Clemson (-5.5) over Virginia Tech (600et)</span><br />I really should be taking the points. However, I'm still hesitant to think that the Hokies have an actual offense. I understand the intricacies of no-offense BeamerBall, but even Georgia Tech needed some offense of their own to stop the Tigers. Also, maybe Spiller has run back in time to when the Tigers were amazing.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Clemson</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern Cal (-40) over Stanford (700et)</span><br />Jim Harbaugh has called down the thunder. Do not taunt the poodle, sir. With all of the trash talking coming out of Palo Alto, you'd think Stanford was an actual football team. No sir. Southern Cal is a real football team, and they will make you pay for your insolence. Oh? You're starting a green as hell QB? Excellent. You're carcass will make a fine feast at the upcoming Triumph.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Southern Cal</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Purdue (+7) over Ohio State (800et)</span><br />Get ready for it. Here's the part where the Boilers are exposed for the pantywaist cupcake eaters they are, but I'm taking them anyway just in case they pull it off. I'll look like a freaking genius. An oatmeal loving, mustache admiring genius, and you will all sing my praises to the beat of an overly large novelty drum! <br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Purdue</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Louisiana State (-8) over Florida (800et)</span><br />I just don't get it. HOW THE HELL DO THEY ALLOW LSU TO PLAY NIGHT GAMES?!? It's like a giant cauldron of evil down there. The festering hordes of dark followers, their fangs glistening in the light of the full moon, their chainsaws readied at the crotch, to stab the Gators with their steely knives in preparation of a macabre Cajun buffet. Hot Boudain. Cold Couscous. EVIL. Florida, you do not have an actual secondary. This will pose troublesome. Half of your plays Saturday night will involve running a white boy at Glenn Dorsey. This will prove fatal.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Louisiana State</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Rutgers (-3.5) over Cincinnati (800et)</span><br />Sure, this game is important for the Bearcats, but does anybody care? I'm not hating on Cincy per se, I'm just saying if you watch this game over the LSU-Florida game, you currently attend either school, or your son is starting. I'll simply put my fake money behind regression to the mean on this one, although I realize said regression involves Rutgers being good.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Rutgers</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Nebraska (+7) over Missouri (915et)</span><br />I've said all I can say at this point. I'm taking free points. If this does not work, Callahan gets cut. For reals this time.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Nebraska</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Hawaii (-39) over Utah State (1205et)</span><br />Finally, sometime early Sunday morning, Hawaii gets to bomb the crap out of Utah State. Beer still delicious. Football=Popular.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Hawaii</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Notre Dame (+22) over UCLA (800et)</span><br />I'm not going to go too in depth here. The kid's had a hell of a week as it is, and all he really wants to see is his Irish cover. Well, he'd like to see them play a bowl game in Canada, and who am I to crush that dream? It's a freaking awesome idea if they let me leave the country. Anyway, I can't possibly think of any reason to favor UCLA by 3+ scores, so I have to go with the Irish here....as if you didn't already know.<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trev's pick: Notre Dame</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Trev Alberts is a current CSTV football analyst. He freaking loves orange.</span>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3