Vegas Field Trip!

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Give me an effing siren!!! (HT to Orson, Peter, and their legions of internet fans for having us on the podcast last night-IO)

Las Vegas. Won't that be fun? Lake Mead...Hoover Dam...


Myself, our fearless editor, and a handful of honorary gaming (read: gambling) interns are headed out to the desert. Three days and four nights in the clutches of Gamblor and his neon grip. The Trev Mobile 1 is gassed up, ready to go, and prepared to document some of the highlights to the fullest extent of the law. Nevada gaming photography laws will be stretched, I assure you. Just in case, prepare for non-odds related audio-visuals from such boring locations as bars, lounges, and anywhere else I can't bet on black.

Let's take a look at our lineup for this week:

• Trev- the man with the plan. Plans on exploiting TSA loophole by bringing 10 3oz. containers of hair gel onto aircraft. He also needs a new pair of shoes.
  
  
• The kid- the clueless editor. Completely frightened by the concept of Vegas with Mr. Alberts. By the end of the weekend, all sucker bets will be renamed kid bets. Thinks house edge is a good thing.

• Free Money Dave- local shark and resident gaming expert. Setting up offices in the fabulous pokering parlours of Wynn Las Vegas, the Bellagio, and Mandalay Bay. Plans on dazzling opponents with striped shirt brilliance and mind-boggling parlays.

• Let's Go! Justin- honorary intern for excellence in 24-hour wagering. Known aggressive and likely to yell trademark "Let's Go!" at any competitive event. Cash rules everything around him.
  

• No Name Pace- the wild-card. Most likely to get "crunk" in the absence of World of Warcraft. Odds-on favorite to just plain vanish.
  

And now, for a brief primer on casino fun by one, me, Trev Alberts:

1. The so-called Wheel of Fortune is good for exactly one (1) "wtf" bet per trip. All subsequent wagers on said wheel must be accompanied by groin kicks from the dealer.
2. There are no free drinks in the Race and Sports Book. Don't even try.
   
3. Prepare to feel stupid placing at least one wager at said sports book with grizzled cashier. Do yourself a favor and brace for it ahead of time.
   
4. Over generalizing, never enter a blackjack table mid-shoe against a dealer of Asian decent. Trust me on this.
5. Insurance is for sucks.
   
6. There is no rule 6.
7. No poofters.
8. "Invented" table games, such as "Caribbean Stud" and "Let it Ride," are strictly forbidden. "War" is allowed if the dealer is an old, French whore, for obvious comedy reasons.
9. There is nothing wrong with $1 craps. Nothing.
   
10. If someone gives you 10,000 to 1 odds....on ANYTHING...you take it.

Trev Alberts is a degenerate gambler. He once wagered on Cirque du Soleil.