Updated: Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Tale of the Tape: USC vs. ESU



Time to spin yet another good, old-fashioned off-season yarn for all of you. Unable to sate your primal sporting needs with the fancy lads of the World Cup, and unable to get excited about the WNBA as more than an odd, mysteriously alluring curiosity, FireMarkMay.com has brought me in to do yet another hackneyed "Tale of the Tape." Inspired by the latest internet foofurrah about USC linebacker Brian Cushing and the site's recent obsession with James Caan, let's put these two programs to the test...

Category
Advantage

USC
ESU

Location:Southern CalUm, Eastern State?USC for being specific


Home field:L.A. ColiseumLooks like Williams-Brice StadiumUSC vs. USC. Advantage Push.
Nickname:TrojansTimberwolvesTroy


Head Coach:Pete CarrollJames CaanSonny Corleone
Heisman QB:Matt LeinartJoe KaneKane missed 4 games and still won it. Advantage ESU.


QB seen with:Paris HiltonRandom tennis girl.Less press and fewer antibiotics. Advantage ESU.



RB tandem:Bush and WhiteJefferson and GriffinESU distracted by Halle Berry. Advantage USC.


Controversial Defender:Steve LattimerBrian CushingESU. Ding motherf**kin' dong!
Supporters have:Loaded apartmentsLoaded envelopesESU boosters lack subtlety. Advantage USC.
Motivational ploy:Faking player suicideFlipping Gatorade tableAdvantage Push.
Big Game Rival:Notre DameGeorgia TechNotre Dame -7.5 pts. Advantage USC.


So there you have it, 5-4-2. By the thinnest layer of latex, the Trojans hold on. I'm Nick Bakay reminding you that the numbers never lie and to always reach for that bell, that championship bell!

Nick Bakay is a former ESPN columnist. He used to voice an Angry Beaver.

3 comments

3 Comments:

Blogger Adi said...

Oes Tsetnoc one of the ways in which we can learn seo besides Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa. By participating in the Oes Tsetnoc or Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa we can improve our seo skills. To find more information about Oest Tsetnoc please visit my Oes Tsetnoc pages. And to find more information about Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa please visit my Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa pages. Thank you So much.
Oes Tsetnoc | Semangat Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa

6:18 AM  
Blogger Adi said...

Oes Tsetnoc one of the ways in which we can learn seo besides Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa. By participating in the Oes Tsetnoc or Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa we can improve our seo skills. To find more information about Oest Tsetnoc please visit my Oes Tsetnoc pages. And to find more information about Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa please visit my Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa pages. Thank you So much.
Oes Tsetnoc | Semangat Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa

6:19 AM  
Blogger ming said...

MPEG Converter for Mac
MPEG to MP4 Converter for Mac
MPEG to AVI Converter for Mac
MPEG to DVD Converter for Mac
MPEG to FLV Converter for Mac
MPEG to WMV Converter for Mac
MPEG to MOV Converter for Mac
mpeg to vob Converter for mac
MPEG to DivX Converter for Mac
MPEG to 3GP Converter for Mac
MPEG to iPod Converter for Mac
MPEG to iPhone Converter for Mac
MPEG to MP3 Converter for Mac

1:11 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home