Updated: Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Hot Seat: Grey Goose comes clean

Pleasant afternoon, everyone. A former star, fallen from glory, his escpades now seen only on the police blotter. A career in shambles, every step of the way, one friend was there to see it all. From Maurice Clarett's gridiron greatness at THE Ohio State Univerisity through his trials and tribulations with THE Denver Broncos, one friend was constantly at his side. Today, in an exclusive to FireMarkMay.com, it has decided to clear the air. Gentlemen and a sparse number of ladies, I present to you, Grey Goose vodka. Mr. Goose, an honor to have you here.

Thanks, Hot Seat. It's good to be here.

Grey Goose, I'll cut right to it. What was it like being in that car with Maurice? Your life, your very life, hanging in the balance?

It was intense. I mean, he told me we were going to the store, right? I thought, 'Great, maybe we'll pickup a few honeys for me and my friends in the cabinet.' Next thing I know, Mo's loading his rifle and strapping on a bulletproof vest. We pile into the SUV, punch the gas, and he starts hitting me like I'm going out of style.

Grey Goose vodka, the clearest of the clear liquors, makes an unexpected weekday visit to our offices.

Fascinating. So you had no idea what was going on?

Hell, no! He throws me onto the seat and I'm like 'WHOA, is that a freaking hatchet?!' Things started to escalate pretty quickly after that. I start to take a look around and see all of the other things he's got piled up in there, and then, I knew my life was in danger. I was either going to end up smashed on the side of I-70, or drained within an inch of my life.

Sitting there, barrelling down the road. What was going through your mind?

I had to get out of there. But how? Maybe if we drove around for a while, he'd tire out, or get lost, or calm down. It was a risky move, but I saw some highway patrol following us, and I knew I had to get their attention, so I grabbed the wheel from Maurice and U-turned right towards them.

Yes, well that would definitely get a rise out of them. Tell us about the arrest.

That's when things got real scary, fast. They couldn't taser Mo through the vest, see, so they brought out the mace, and that still wasn't enough. At that point, I thought I was a goner. A stray taser or a fling from Maurice and I was done for. I was lucky to get through it without much more than a lost cap.

I'm sure it's been a rough day for you, Grey, but, before you go, is this the end of you and Maurice Clarett?

I don't really see that happening, Hot Seat. I mean, my boy's got a mean streak to him, but he's always treating me right. He takes me everywhere, out to the bars in Columbus. He even tried to sneak me into some NFL workouts. I may take a little time off, but I'm sure I'll be back in the middle of it sooner or later. I'm only around until I run out. I might as well make the most of it. Thanks, for having me on, Hot Seat.

Thank you for letting us tell your story, Goose. You are officially off the Hot Seat.

The Budweiser Hot Seat can be seen everytime a Disney movie needs a push on SportsCenter. It is currently doubling as a coat rack in Trev's office.



Anonymous Andy said...

Umm.....Mark May was inducted into the college football hall of fame this week?!?!!?
Shouldn't he be barred from South Bend?

8:35 AM  
Blogger IrishOutsider said...

Trev's still recovering from the news. Our attempts to acquire press credentials encountered some obstacles, so our coverage will be minimal. Expect some analysis after he recovers from last night.

9:33 AM  

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