Updated: Friday, September 08, 2006

Week 2 Trevonics

It's a red letter weekend in the college football season. The newly minted "game of the year" is now a bonafide #1 vs. #2 donnybrook, Joe Paterno leads his zombie hordes into South Bend, and we edge ever closer to the beginning of the conference schedule. Meanwhile, the month-long cupcake tuneup continues for many. Michigan, Miami, FSU, and West Virginia are all playing teams that even the most hardcore Xbox gamer would sim.

Straight Up:10-1
Against the Spread:7-4

Virginia Tech (-12.5) at North Carolina 1200et (ESPNN)
In a time slot usually reserved for early morning Big 11 tilts, this game will have North Carolina fans thankful to just get this game over with. The Hokies don't have either one of the Mexico brothers at the helm anymore, but Beamerball is still alive and well. North Carolina isn't a bad team, but they're about to look like one. After a few hours of the new, extended Gameday, you'll be sucked into watching the Tech defense frighten and confuse the Tarheels for at least thirty minutes.
Trev's pick: Virginia Tech

Iowa (-19) at Syracuse 330et (ABC)
I don't think there is much to say in defense of this pick. Syracuse has one of the best mascots in football, but not even the entertaining power of Otto the Orange can save the Orange(men) from an Iowa beatdown. Honestly, no contest. Syracuse is actually Greek for "respectable sounding doormat."
Trev's pick: Iowa

Oklahoma (-16) vs. Washington 330et (ABC)

"Championship football begins with championship whistling, ok?"

Check your local listings for this one, but I'm sure a good portion of the country will be forced to watch Iowa mop up due to the iron justice of the ABC regional coverage map. Oklahoma did struggle a bit against a scrappy UAB team, but I can't possibly pick the Huskies in this one. For starters, the kid would stop taking dictation. Two, I can't take Willingham seriously at Washington knowing there's a driving range across the street from Husky Stadium. Stoops may be assumed to be lighter on the talent lately, but he can still coach circles around a guy like Ty.
Trev's pick: Oklahoma

Notre Dame (-8) vs. Penn State 330et (NBC)
Normally, I would leave this game for last, but while I think it is one of the bigger games on the schedule, even irish knows the "big game" is Saturday night. That won't stop the interns from stealing my car and heading out for many hours of South Bend boozing, though. I'm on to you bastards! I know what you're up to, you hear me? I'll be guarding my wheels like a hawk, a hawk with a sweet BB rifle. Try driving with some of those lodged in your rear. That's right. Back to the game, Penn State brings a new QB, on his first road start, with a running game that struggled against Akron into Notre Dame against a team that has had the fear of the Robot Genius struck into them after a tough test at Georgia Tech. Both teams are sure to show improvement after last week, but I have to think Notre Dame will improve more. Zombies can't eat robots. Robots are made of metal, and robots are strong. You may commence drinking, kid. (Too late. -IO)
Trev's pick: Notre Dame

Oregon (-3.5) at Fresno State 1000et (ESPN)

Not even the most xtreme bulldog can get through molded plastic.

One more before I get to TGOTC. The Rollerballers take the carnage to the valley to face Fresno State. While normally, a bulldog can take a duck hands down, you have to adjust for the fact that the Oregon Ducks are "new-age football dominance to the Xtreme! Now with 20% more Kevlar!" I'll be patiently waiting for my royalty check, Nike. It will be a fun game to watch, but the fantasy stat parade continues.
Trev's pick: Oregon

Texas (-2.5) vs. Ohio State
It's the game of the century! If you're not watching it, you better be dead...or in jail! And if you're not in jail....BREAK OUT! Ahem...Sorry there, I got carried away. Now that this is the anointed 1/2 game the media have been clamoring for, all I can really hope for as a football fan is that it is a close game and under 4 and a half hours. Honestly, I'll probably be happy with one of those. It will be the end of a long day of football, feasting, and miscellaneous imbibing before this one hits pregame. On paper, it is a clash of the titans, two powerhouses primed for a heavyweight fight, and many many other cliches. Under the watchful gaze of the shiny new Godzillatron, Texas will win, ladies will swoon for new demigod Colt McCoy, and couches will burn from Austin to Columbus, a pyre that will be visible from space.
Trev's pick: Texas

Until then, the eyes of Trev are upon you. Stay the hell away from my car!

Trev Alberts carefully guards CSTV's Crystal Ball. He also has one of those "Zoltan Speaks" fortune tellers in his office. Yeah, it's kind of creepy.

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