Combine fajitas

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

The offseason has not begun to drag, but at least we have the NFL combine to sate our message-board yearnings for useless stuff to obsess about. Am I right, comrades? Eh? Eh? Damn right, I'm right!

It's just me and the kid while most of the staff takes a not-really deserved winter break. Ah memories, it seems like just a year ago it was me and my scrappy editor before all the scruffy types and tag-a-longs tagged a long like so many unnecessary boxes of second-tier Girl Scout cookies. The delicious Samoas and Thin Mints of the season are long behind us now, leaving only the stale half open boxes of girly shortbreads hidden towards the back of our metaphorical snack cabinet.

Back to the endless stat-parade that is the NFL combine, The Wiz is reporting that Florida's Chris Leak scored an 8 on his Wonderlic. I don't exactly recall what I got on my test, but I'm pretty sure it was a 10, or at least a check plus, because I totally pwn those ScanTron tests. I'm an excellent bubble-filler. Here's a few more tidbits and unsubstantiated rumors I dug up on my own. This is usually Bloo's territory, but he headed off to Pismo Beach in the middle of the night...freaking free-loading cartoon figments....

• The press is reporting Leak scored an 8, but the coaches have him at a 16 and the computers are giving all Florida players 2s.
• GT's Calvin Johnson ran a ridiculously fast 4.3 40. The trial time was slightly flawed as he was hit in the back of the head by an errant Reggie Ball pass somewhere around the 38.
• Rumors that LSU's JaMarcus Russell ate a water buffalo in under 6 seconds remain unconfirmed at the moment, but we did observe the buffalo running a sub-5 cone drill.
• That Notre Dame's Brady Quinn scored 24 bench presses, more than a fair number of linemen, is not surprising to most pundits. Having to carry teammate Darius Walker (5'10", 205) had to be plenty of preparation.
• WR Jacoby Jones tied for the highest broad jump among receivers. This is exceptional considering he is 107 years old.
• Auburn's Kenny Irons scored a 38-inch vertical jump, but it was still not good enough to ride nearby Indiana Beach's "Hoosier Hurricane."

Trev Alberts enjoys poring over extensive lists of the physical attributes of young athletes in a laboratory setting. He can ride the "Hoosier Hurricane" whenever he damn well pleases.