A line in the sand

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

TRAVASHAMOCKERY! Yeah, don't get me wrong, it's fantastic that my analytical prowess has been determined toppest by the communal blogging community. I kicked all forms of internet backside this year, and I know it. In fact, I make it a point to remind the staff daily how much the website baring my visage both serves and "pwns." But, if you think I'm just going to sit idly by in the corner with my Best New Blog award and go quietly into the still night, you've got yourself the wrong Trev Alberts my friend. Maybe in some alternate dimension were awesomeness is outlawed and sissy-marys run nimbly-pimply over the land, I could see how my journalistic exploits would not be awarded the honor of the award that bears my name.

OH NO! This is what we get here, in apparently such a Bizarro internet, is
this: Funniest Blog of 2006 (a.k.a. "The Trev)- Orson Swindle, EDSBS

This will not stand! This isn't 'Nam, there are rules. I AM THE TREV! You'd think that I am the only one deserving of the Trev. Sure, I didn't write about lame Appalachian State recruiting videos or surrender my site to some basement-dwelling numbskull, but I employed a muppet and a whatsit! I've got the freaking "Short Circuit" robot breaking down game tape AND a dastardly villain attempting to break down the system from his zeppelin fortress! This disgraces me! This disgraces them.

I'm fully aware that I did not even take second in my own award category, but I will spare the good people at Hey Jenny Slater, and focus the Wrath of Trev squarely on the one Orson Swindle. It's going to be like "Raiders of the Lost Ark," man. I am the boulder. I am the idol. I am the Ark of the Freaking Covenant, and I will rain the holy fire of jihad onto you, sir. You and you're entire lot of goose-stepping, organized marching, questionable hand-saluting gang of stereotypically jort-wearing, electric blue-wearing, North Floridians!

You are entering a world of pain, Swindle.
(I dont think I have to warn anyone that this clip is R rated, but I will anyway.-IO)



Trev Alberts is Il Duce Eterno of FireMarkMay.com. The streets will flow with the blood of the non-believers.