Molders of Men: Joe Paterno

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Considering the long, brutal offseason, I've devised a comprehensive list of some of the changes that I would like to see administered by my administrators and other middle-management types, mainly the kid, in the hopes of creating an overall leaner, meaner, more proactive interaparadigm experience for my loyal legions of partially amused readers. Most of these changes involve modeling the site after one of my favorite shows, the Mickey Mouse Club, and creating themed days of blog-u-tain-ment value. Suggestions include the traditional "Anything can happen day" (Currently in effect everyday-IO) , "Music Day", and "Random Cowboy Singalong Day," but I think we can do better than that!

Being the humble man that I am, I want to bring this latest Trevovation to the people! Feel free to comment in our bountiful comments section on this very topic.

Moving on, today is Odinsday, after the father of Norse mythology and my favorite reason to go to the non-Norse, but close enough, Brewhaus for definitely non-lutefisk based meals and ales. Somehow, this ties in to covering another Molder of Men. So, without further delay, today's Molder of Men is also as old as many mythological beings...


Name: Joseph Vincent Paterno

Known aliases: JoePa, GranPa, Old Man Winter

Current position: Head Coach, Penn State University 1966-Present

Previous notable position(s):
Chronos, Greek God of Eternal Time 1600-1100 BC
Bor, father of Odin 1100 BC-1066 AD
Offensive Coordinator, Norman Army, 1066-1966

Hobbies: Strat-O-Matic Football, model shipbuilding, chasing youth from lawn

Current hoopty: '88 Lincoln Continental town car. Gets him where he needs to go.

Playing Style: Previously known for its Tecmo Bowl simplicity, the Nittany Lions playbook now incorporates 8 plays, including 4 different passes.

Playing Time?: Any recruit is eligible for starting at any position if he can correctly answer coach's "questions three."

Coaching Style: A strict disciplinarian and decidedly old-school, JoePa prefers to correct insolent team members with the traditional tools of corporal punishment, mainly a ruler or knotted shillelagh.

Recruiting philosophy: Focuses on both Eastern and Western Pennsylvania as well as the neighboring colonies.

Trev Alberts is former Nebraska collegiate football player. He's not leaving until he gets his frisbee back.