ND fandom officially declared disorder by APA

By Dr. Otto von Scratchansniff
Mental Health Correspondent

In anticipation of the glut of new patients following last night's Sugar Bowl drubbing of the Notre Dame Fighting Irish, the American Psychiatric Association (APA) has officially declared Notre Dame Fandom (NDF) as an official disorder. The move is intended to streamline diagnosis of future Irish head-cases and expedite treatment profiles in a time when such efficiency is needed most.

NDF was commonly treated as a combination of various inter-related syndromes and other overlapping symptoms, and the traditional diagnosis of patients was the laborious "Narcissistic personality disorder with bipolar and megalomanical tendencies" (NPDBMT). The new diagnostic criteria will be included in fifth and latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistic Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM V) estimated to be printed by 2011, however, considering the unrelenting "pwning" of Notre Dame in recent high-profile contests and the upcoming recruiting season, the APA felt compelled to release the new classification now.

Under the new guidelines, the diagnostics from the previous NPDBMT symptoms will be combined to form one complete NDF profile. Based on the current DSM-IV-TR, the

Recently, NPDBMT had been treated with repeated viewings of the 1997-2004 Irish football seasons.

following traits are associated with the new Notre Dame Fandom (NDF) disorder:

• a grandiose sense of self-importance
• a preoccupation with with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.
• a belief that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by other special people
• requires excessive admiration
• a strong sense of entitlement
• is often envious or believes others are envious of him/her
• general arrogance
• delusions of grandeur
• a distinct period of persistently elevated, expansive, or irritable mood, lasting throughout at least 4 days, that is clearly different from the usual non depressed mood
• markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day (as indicated by either subjective account or observation made by others)

The APA has declared that patients experiencing 5 or more criteria should be diagnosed with NDF while those patients experiencing 8 or more criteria should also have their internet access severely limited, if not completely removed. Previous treatments of alcohol in moderation are still acceptable.

Dr. Scratchansniff is on retainer for the offseason here at FireMarkMay. We have issues.