Updated: Thursday, May 25, 2006

The Man with the Plan



Trev Alberts! Man, I loved you on College Gameday! Hey, I know how rough it is to be on the outside of ESPN looking in. I've been trying to get in myself like forever, you know? I applied for Dream Job twice although I didn't really hear back from them. That Mike Hall is great, though. I ran into him at the Chipotle the other day. He didn't really say much about ESPN when I was building his burrito, but he totally let me keep the change. Top notch guy. Great hair.

Anyway, its not easy to get into ESPN, as we both know. They don't just let anyone with a restraining order waltz past Jerry and Steve at the front gate. No way! You've got to be clever to get past those guys, wily even. Guys like us are on our own out there! I've had a few ideas on how to break into the compound:

  1. Rent policeman's costume, enter unconspicuously.
  2. Three words: Ninja Grappling Hook.
  3. Seduce Mr. Met, steal security badge.


  4. Mr. Met is a master of disguise. Deceiving him would be no small task.
I figure if I follow any one of these plans, I'm sure to be hosting ESPN Hollywood in no time. No? They don't have that? Could Cold Pizza use another gadget guy? We'll find something...

Best of luck, Trev. Remember, never resist arrest. It makes you look guilty.

ESPN Mobile Guy is at least 500 feet from ESPN.

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