Updated: Monday, July 17, 2006

Coach heads South

You guys need to keep making with the updates over there. Trev, I've known you for a long time, ok, and the thing that I know you do best is "stick to your guns." The offseason is almost over, but if you keep your nose to the grindstone like I know you can, you're going to be my pick for comebacker of the year. Look at me, for example, I've been shuttling about all over the south, polishing up my game for the upcoming season. Just the other day, I proselytized down in Atlanta (HT:The Wiz), gave the people what they wanted to hear. Hey, if everyone thinks Notre Dame is going to destroy Georgia Tech, why should I agree with them? This is how I pay the bills!

Alright, back to my southern tour. While not as eventful as your trip to Austin, Trev, I got my hands dirty in the trenches, hanging out with some of those big uglies in the scorching heat of two-a-days. I tell, you, the strength and conditioning coaches out there have all sorts of new-fangled training techniques, and they're pulling them all out of the bag hoping to get the most out of their touted student-athletes.

While in Atlanta, I was close to several teams stretching their way to victory. Don't let the macho South fool you, these guys are deep into yoga. Here's some of the highlights:

Lanny Poffo would be perfect for fixing Auburn's struggling image.

  • For starters, Chan Gailey's got his hog mollies doing their "downward dogs" under the watchful eye of WCW's Diamond Dallas Page. Yo! I wouldn't want to get on his bad side! Watch out, though. I think DDP only went 7-5 in his matches too.
  • Auburn's been getting into some trouble with the NCAA lately, so they hired "The Genius" Lanny Poffo to double as strength coach and sociology tutor.
  • Ed Orgeron has his boys flipping tires and carrying tree trunks to prepare for this season. Mississippi State is preparing by rolling a large boulder uphill.
  • In an effort to increase team speed, Florida State wideouts are stealing heavier consumer electronics items.
  • Urban Meyer took his playbook to that Briscoe High School I keep seeing in those Nike ads. Apparently, it's not working there either.
  • Maryland linemen training still involves pulling Ralph Friedgen around in a festive Christmas sled.

  • Lee Corso is a doddering anchor on ESPN's College Gameday. He would like you to please get off his lawn.



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