Updated: Friday, August 11, 2006

Glory is overrated

For months, I've had my interns and other various lackeys hold vigil at the red phone in my office. Every minute of every day, they waited. They waited for the call from the College Football Hall of Fame that I so richly deserve. Last night, the kid finally got up the nerve to break me the bad news himself. While I was packing my bags for South Bend, prepared to step in to be enshrined should any candidate fail to uphold his duties, my editor told me the heartbreaking truth. Not only was I not elected as even an alternate, but Mark May would be elected this weekend.

I don't think I need to tell you all how I dealt with this news, but I can safely say that I am over it now. Why would I want to be in a class that included Mark May? I'd have to stand up there, like a dink, and listen to one of his lame speeches about how awesome his Pitt teams were. If I'm lucky, some really bad analysis at various press functions would be sure to follow. Pass.

There are more important things to attend to as the offseason wanes. There are mascots to analyze, alcoholic sidekicks to interview, and ice cream bars to sell! Not to mention, I have to take a few spins of the Myles Brand wheel to mete out some Trev justice to those interns who didn't tell me I got snubbed! On top of all of that, I've got to start hitting the books if I'm going to make a good impression to those guys over at CSTV's Crystal Ball. I haven't bothered to learn the studio guys names yet, but you have to start somewhere.

Trev Alberts is a former ESPN anchorman. He attempted to bribe the Hall of Fame voters with "Trev Fun Dollars."




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