Pledge allegiance

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

A beautiful morning to you all! After a long and unseasonably hilarious summer, we being the college football season anew today. Let us cast off the harsh chains of weekend leisure time and take up the cold, steely steel chains of the new campaign. Now is the autumn of our content, and while I am fully aware that autumn does not begin for some time, varying on your country of origin, it is time to once again renew our commitment to awesomeness. Please join me in reciting the FireMarkMay loyalty oath.

Try to look excited, fatty.

The FireMarkMay Loyalty Oath
by Trev Alberts

I [state your name], pledge allegiance
To the Trev, and the glorious state of football,
And to the obsession, for which it stands.
One nation, under the influence
with tailgating and marching bands for all.
Amen.

And now, please rise and remove your caps for "Looking for Freedom."

Stirring. It all gives me goosebumps every year.
Anything can happen this season, and if I have anything to say about it, it will.

Trev Alberts is a CSTV figurehead. His liver retains the right to secede from his union.