Updated: Sunday, September 24, 2006

Week 4 Rundown

Great Paterno's Ghost! Week 4 was just one ridiculous series of events loosely tied together by a football theme. There's just too much going on here for me to possibly comprehend. All I know is that somehow my picks thoroughly dominated, therefore I rule. This was not new knowledge. Let me just get the scoreboard out from under my probably alcohol-poisoned editor...

Week 4 Totals-
Straight Up: 6-1
Against the Spread: 5-2


Michigan 27-Wisconsin 13
Wisconsin, running the wildly successful "Don't spot them 24 points" defense, still managed to spare Chad Henne and his three INTs from any meaningful damage. Mario Manningham becomes the "WR Man-Child du Jour", catching 7 for 113 yards with 2 TDs, while the press tries to figure out the best way to pronounce his name. My vote is for Mario, like the video game plumber, and not "Mare-e-o" like some would want you to believe.

Ohio State 28-Penn State 7
In the realm of ridiculous back door covers, there are very few things that compare to back to back pick sixes, but that's what this took. Ohio State, looking very mortal in the rain against a motivated Penn State, managed to get the job done in a struggle very similar to last year's game. It was a scare, but the stage is still set for the Michigan game being the next "greatest game in the history of the world...ever." Rumors of Ted Ginn's death are wildly exaggerated.

Cal 49-Arizona State 21
I guess it's better that nobody saw this bloodbath. 41-14 at the half, and the California roller-coaster continues. "They're going to beat USC!" "Not a chance!" "Whoa, what's all this then?" "I need to watch that game!" In absence of television coverage, we simulated this game on the office Xbox. I played as ASU on a dare and it was still no contest. Even with my mad 360 skillz and American footballer Sam Keller still on the roster, I was no match for our legal dept.'s Captain Eclectic armed with Tedford's playbook. No contest.

Texas 37-Iowa State 14
Nature apparently had a real problem with me splitting up my picks on this game. Taking Texas to win was a no brainer, but I had a feeling ISU would try to keep it respectable. I would like to thank Rule 3-2-5e and Thor, god of Thunder, for making this game as short as possible.

Florida 26-Kentucky 7

Let me get this straight, Florida. You have some kind of sick schedule ahead of you, right? It's like Alabama, Auburn, LSU, and a home and home with the Denver Broncos or something...and this was all you could cobble together against Kentucky in The Swamp? Yikes. This would have never happened if Urban Meyer was still alive.

NC State 17-Boston College 15

Leave it to Fredo to ruin a perfectly good blowout. The Chuck Amato Pec-O-Meter stays partially inflated for at least another week, and Boston College "overrated" period is over before it starts. I need to stop picking this team, and ESPN needs to stop showing them.

Notre Dame 40-Michigan State 37

Also sullying my otherwise immaculate weekend, and also tainting my bloodstream, was this absolutely mindblowing game in East Lansing. Judging by the weather forecast, this thing was bound to get biblical, and from the looks of Notre Dame's first three quarters, GOD. WAS. PISSED. Thankfully, John L Smith and his merry band of S protectors were able to let the Irish back into this one. The kid started drinking heavily at 14-0, committing himself to going on a bender regardless of outcome. I actually don't know where he is right now. I lost track of him after that final interception, and he could still be passed out in his office for all I know. I hope everything is OK. Drinking in shame or triumph...same result.

Trev Alberts is not a licensed physician. However, in his professional opinion, you should not chase Sparks with whiskey.

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