Hot Seat: The original Couch

By The Budweiser Hot Seat
ESPN.com

Pleasant morning to you all. Once again, I am privileged to be in the esteemed company of one of the most innovative college mascots in the modern era. One so visionary, that he has been flattered by countless imitators across this great land's various dormitory quadrangles. An illuminating pillar of spirit, a symbol of the burning football passions within us all, ladies and a resounding number of gentlemen, I give you, the West Virginia Couch!

Thanks for that flowery speech, Mr. Seat. It's my pleasure to be here. Do you mind if I light up?

I insist. If you would indulge me in a personal confession, I would just like to say that you are my inspiration. Your work in Morgantown inspired me to pursue my interests in the flaming arts.

That sure does mean a lot to me, really it does. Fans all over have really taken a shine to my ways in both victory and defeat. I've seen plenty of admirers at other schools, and it just makes me smile. It feels good to give so much kindling to the spirit of college football.

Our storied guest pictured with one of his many adoring minstrels. (HT: The CBN)

Where would you say you have the biggest following?

Far and a ways, it's got to be THE Ohio State University. What with all the various student types celebrating all sort of whatnots through sparking up a few couches. Football vicories, bar mitzvahs, football defeats, bridal showers, keggers, beer blasts, barn dances, arraignments, women's lacrosse...

I think we get the idea...

...dental appointments, baby's first couch burning, la dia de los muerte, and Advent. Sometimes they'll even throw in a few coolers filled with...

AHEM! I mean, of course. Fascinating stuff. The makings of legend, I'm sure. I know you must be very excited for the Mountaineers match this evening with the Maryland Terrapins. Couchy, do you fear the Turtle, as one would say?

Shoot no! Them boys ain't done nothing since ought-three! Coach Rod and the team are going to kick the tires and light the...well I guess light me up, taking down them Terps and their jelly-filled coach! WHOOO!

No need to fire that rifle inside the studio, sir...Ok, fine...Anyway, I guess I'll have to discard my remaining qustions regarding our esteemed guest's views on the current state of geo-political affairs as he has apparently exited the stage amidst a plethora of racous fraternity lads....Yes....Pikes rule....Good day.

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