Get Tribal

By Jim Rome
ESPN.com

Honestly, you blogger types are sick in the head. Seriously. I mean no disrespect to the actual mentally handicapped, but get it together over there! No? Fine. But remember, you've brought this on yourself. Rack me.

This one goes out to all the interns. I know it's hard for you without the lack of a real man in the authority post out there. Easy. I know it's rough, and I'm all the way out here in LA, and there is no way in heck I'm abandoning my sweet Malibu estate to schelp out there to babysit you halfwits. But, I have some experience in these matters, so I'm going to bring in some of my years of clone-herding experience. You psychos and my psychos are cut from the same crazy cloth, so this should be cake.

The solution to all of this is simple, and Trev touched on it already. Tribal law, the law of the jungle. I want you guys to get freaking feral, cull the weak, and exhaust all supplies of caffinated beverages. We will begin eliminating all of you be simple physical challenges, rewarding the winners with such luxuries as fire, immunity, and old ESPN mobile phones. Those who cannot complete the tasks at hand due to exhaustion, dehydration, or mortal wounds will be asked to leave the compound until order is restored, leaving only the most savage cubicle monkeys to maintain the anarchy in the absence of order. We tried this on the national broadcast once, and its working like a charm. Why else do you think I've got the guy who hosted 'Studs' on my set? The man is a freaking stone-cold assassin. He could kill me with his thumb if he wanted, but I keep him knee-deep in hookers and vodka to sate his urges, makes for great television though.

So, in the interests of stoking the crazy fires, I will know further provoke the kid's emotional tailspin with this scathing pitard from MGoBlog. I'll be watching it all burn from here.




Jim Rome is an ESPN rabble rouser. He suggests you use Piggy's glasses to make fire.