Week 3 Rundown

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

We press on, noble Trevians, though the wilderness of Week 3 and onto the vast unknown of Week 4. This past weekend was almost too much to bear. Our editor is still holed up in what's left of his office, the internet tube is making all sorts of strange noises, and Peterman's brownies aren't getting the job done! Ok....back to the scoreboard.

Week 3 total-
Straight-Up:5-2
Against-the-Spread:2-5

Season-to-date-
Straight-Up:20-4
Against The Spread:13-11

I have spread the gospel according to Trev, and tamed the mighty Magnificent Seven...mightily. I may have lost more of the kid's funding, but that is besides the point. The main point is that I am twenty and freaking four to date straight up. Suck it down, ESPN. Suck it down.

Auburn 7-LSU 3
What an SEC barnburner! A defensive struggle that still manages to illustrate the fact that Auburn is the freaking fastest team on Earth. You tell me right now that its going to be OSU/Auburn in Glendale and not only will I believe you, but I will start working at a Tempe Blockbuster video to get used to the local scene. You can all crash at my sweet ASU bachelor pad.

Louisville 31-Miami of Florida 7
Miami of Florida, I have to say it that way until they decide to start playing like Miami, and not just getting crunk before jacking their opponents in pregame warmups. Footballpocalypse may have claimed its first victim.

Oregon 34-Oklahoma 33
Oregon sets it to "grueling pace" and rolls up 500 yards on the Sooners. Sure, everyone will be tlaking about the veritable Hanukah bestowed upon them by the refs, but the fact remains that the Ducks are able to beat their fair share of good teams. Oregon is the new Cal...

Michigan 47-Notre Dame 21
I'm not going to take anything away from a Michigan team that was clearly prepared for Notre Dame and got a hefty serving of bounces as well. This is an Irish loss under almost every set of circumstances, and in the end, that's what matters. Now, where did I put that poncho?

TCU 12-Texas Tech 3
Yarr....that's all I have to say. TCU's Gary Patterson is the new "belle of the BCS ball." I'm sure there's plenty of traditional power programs touting him as their new savior on message boards all across this great land. I give rumors of his courtship to emerge by the end of the month. Welcome to hell, Mr. Patterson.

Southern Cal 28-Nebraska 10
The ex-girlfriend fails to score at will against the Huskers, and nobody cares. Next.

Florida 21-Tennessee 20
A game worthy of the weekend hype, these two go at it in traditional style. Urban Meyer starts off 2-0 against the Vols, the first Gator coach since Galen Hall. Orson, you're welcome to have all the Kool-Aid we have in stock, but please, use it only in moderation.

Things are falling apart around here. I've spent all day watching the interns run around with lack of editorial control. If only there was something I could do as their leader. I guess I could serve as magistrate over their new tribal law, or preside over physical immunity challenges.

Trev Alberts is FireMarkMay.com's dictator-for-life. He doesn't know how to use our fax machine