The time of the preseason has ended

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

With the waning moments of the preseason behind us in our make believe rear-view mirror, do not be fooled by its made up warning. While it does appear closer than it appears, take my word that the preseason is firmly behind us. Now that the last of the practice updates are a thing of the past, let me be the first to ring in this glorious gameweek! No more shall the analysis be of the backward looking variety, no more future projections based on incomplete 2006 knowledge, no more discussion of summertime blues in the mode of KC and his benevolent Sunshine Band. Why? Because I, the Trev, have willed it!

Your soul belongs to me once again, mysterious interwebs, and as I flip this large novelty switch, signifying the end of our darkest of seasons, please feel free to picture any one of the following ceremonial accouterments to ring in this glorious transition:

• the release of several hundred doves
• the pealing of bells, both religious and secular
• the hissing-tap of several kegs at once
• that crinkly tin sound the bottle of lighter fluid makes
• the expensive sound of an electric guitar destroying personal property
• the wail of our editor as his credit rating is soon to drop
• and many more!

With the pomp out of the way, let us move on to the circumstances. Please rise, gentleman doff your caps, and join me in the recitation of the FireMarkMay loyalty oath:

The FireMarkMay Loyalty Oath
by Trev Alberts

I [state your name], pledge allegiance
To the Trev, and the glorious state of football,
And to the obsession, for which it stands.
One nation, under the influence
with tailgating and marching bands for all.
Amen.

Please remain standing, and join all of us, especially The Hasselhoff, in the singing of "Looking for Freedom"




Trev Alberts is a former ESPN empty suit. He is currently reenacting this video in his office.