Week 7 Rundown: Jovi Punch!

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

The power of the subconscious Trev! I pulled a sweet record without even thinking, subliminally serving up some Trevonic beatdowns....too bad I get no points from Yahoo! Sports, and may God have mercy on my soul. Save me, Scoreboard!

Week 7 Results:
Against the Spread: 12-8
Straight Up: 15-5

2007 Season-to-date:
Against the Spread: 57-71-1
Straight Up: 91-37

That straight up is still so scrumtrillescent if I must say so myself. In this crazy mixed up world of bizarro college football, the great predicting mind that is me is almost 75% at just picking random teams. Coin flips rock! Anyway, in salute of the absolute madness that is this season, please enjoy this film that I view as a metaphor for the entire 2007 season: Andy Samberg punching people just before eating.



See, its like the guy eating the pizza is Cal, and Andy is Oregon State. MURDER! Enjoy the snappy tune as I rundown the latest chapter of insanity.

Hawaii 42-San Jose State 35
Once again, Colt Brennan snatches victory from the jaws of defeat, continuing their march to being "the next Boise State." Honestly though, I'm not seeing it right now, especially if the Warrior defense is this swiss-cheesy.

Virginia Tech 43-Duke 14
Thanks for coming out, Duke.

Ohio State 48-Kent State 3
Ohio State, the best team in Ohio. We know this because they play every team in Ohio. Are they even in the Big Ten anymore?

South Florida 64-Central Florida 12
This was quite unexpected. Thumbs down to me for thinking UCF had some fight in them. You'd think they'd defend their title as "that other Florida team" a little bit harder. I am still pulling full transitive USF > Texas arguments.

Iowa 10-Illinois 6
This is why you're [redacted]. Iowa gets to hang their hat on the chiefs, and what a sad state of affairs it is when that is your Big Ten.

Texas 56-Iowa State 13
This still doesn't make you good, Texas. Glad you're getting your practice reps in now as a opposed to say....August...and glad to see you can beat up Iowa State instead of, you know, football teams.

Kansas 58-Baylor 10
Ladies and gentlemen, your undefeated Kansas Manginos.

Tennessee 33-Mississippi State 21
The Vols win their Sly Week in convincing enough fashion.

Oregon 53-Washington State 7
This is kind of like Texas' match up with Iowa State as celebrating such a victory is akin to kicking a dog.

South Carolina 21-North Carolina 15
The Tarheels put up an unexpectedly tough fight with the Gamecocks as the Visor click clacks his way out of danger.

Southern Cal 20-Arizona 13
Southern Cal, you're like totally not impressing me anymore. I find it very hard to believe that the PAC-10 and/or Idaho are all that talented, and you're like, the bestest team ever right? Where's the style points?

Kentucky 43-Louisiana State 37
The crazy meter is officially gone to 11 with this game, everyone. Kentucky is ranked ahead of the chainsaw, who may still be the best team in the country, but must now overcome their single-loss ness. Unbelievable.

Penn State 38-Wisconsin 7
Equally shocking, the Wisconsin Badgers have been thoroughly exposed by the Big Ten, and will have now fallen from 5 to out of the top 25 in two weeks. Staggering. It boggles the mind.

Georgia 20-Vanderbilt 17
I would have absolutely loved to see the Commodores add to the seasonal madness, but alas no. Georgia, this is why I don't like you, and I still can't explain it.

Oklahoma 41-Missouri 31
This game has gained a bunch of respect in my book for giving the Sooners a game in Norman. Its a moral victory, but while those don't really exist, I'm giving full credit here. Mizzou is better than I've given them credit. Oklahoma, however, is a very good team, and good teams win these games at home.

Oregon State 31-California 28
Cal was the number one team in the country for about 90 minutes on Saturday night...and then that redshirt QB of there's forgot that he can't get sacked....but scrambled for the endzone anyway. That's what you get for not kicking the field goal I guess. Actually, I hope no one is too hard on the poor kid. I mean, I guess that play did just make Ohio State #1....so yeah....hate is a strong word in this case....but he's getting transitive Buckeye hate from the Trev. Fair play to the Beavers for adding to the crazy.

Louisville 28-Cincinnati 24
The Big East is a mess, a right solid mess, and I don't know what to say about it other than throw my hands up in the air and say "Done!" Moving on.

Auburn 9-Arkansas 7
Its good to see someone wanted to win this game. Auburn is quickly clawing its way back to respectability on the bodies of big name SEC teams.

Arizona State 44-Washington 20
A Sun Devil is a vicious animal, ok?

Boston College 27-Notre Dame 14
Its nice that the Eagles let Notre Dame skate by on the point spread, its discernible progress. There's not much more to say about this game other than Boston College plays a solid football game, Notre Dame is still working on it. No questionable calls, no shady pass coverage, and no offensive meltdowns will change that Boston College was winning this football game. However, they are the reason the kid is still passed out in a St. Joe County holding cell.

Trev Alberts is a former ESPN analyst. He is the sanest guy you know.