Por favor montegan se allejandros de las puertas

By Kenny Mayne
currently of ESPN.com?

Salutations and welcome to sunny Florida, fellow travelers. I'll be your host during your stay at Walt Disney World. Since disappearing from the Big Show some time ago, I've been shipped down here by the corporate honchos to perform a variety of tasks and services. These mountain-themed amsuement devices don't operate themselves you know. In addition to this, I'm also performing as Big Al's understudy in The Country Bear Jamboree and standing in for William Henry Harrison in the Hall of Presidents. Given my above-average stature, I was originally approached to dress as Brer Bear or Tigger, but considering the park's strict "silent character" policy, I withdrew my name. Being unable to amuse the children with my archaic wit would be an injustice.

Craig Kilborn and I engaging in horseplay.

Why don't you meet me over at Epcot's World Showcase? We could embark on a whirlwind tour of sanitized stereotypes while we sample the imported beers of many lands. I'm not a big drinker myself, but if it gets me a few visitors in this tourist trap then all the better. Maybe when the higher-ups find a place for me up in the senior leagues I can head back up north for some old-fashioned highlight-spinning. Do they need anyone who can smarm up a good game reel?

You all might want to head out of here, though. The last guy I took on Test Track got into a bit of legal trouble, and I think there's been enough of that for one road trip.

Kenny Mayne is legally employed by ESPN. He advises you to keep all hands and feet inside the vehicle and be sure to hang on to them hats and glasses.