WHAT IS THIS?!?

By Stephen A. Smith
ESPN.com

ROAD TRIPS? HOMELESS CROSS-DRESSERS? DISNEY WORLD? TREV, MAN, WHOA. FOR REALS, YOU NEED TO DIAL IT DOWN A BIT. CALM DOWN AND TAKE A DEEP BREATH. RELAX. GET YOUR BEHIND BACK HOME AND YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME. YOU'RE NOT SCORING MANY POINTS WITH BRISTOL WITH YOUR LATEST ESCAPADES. CHILL OUT!

LET'S SLOW IT DOWN FOR A SECOND AND GET BACK TO THE REAL WORLD. TONIGHT IS HEAT-MAVS GAME 3 IN MIAMI, AND AT THE HALF, IT LOOKS TO BE A CLOSE ONE. I DON'T PICK WINNERS BASED ON HAIRSTLYES LIKE YOU DO, BUT I DON'T THINK THIS WILL BE ALL DALLAS DOMINATION LIKE EVERYONE IS SCREAMING THESE DAYS. I LIKE THEM IN 6, BUT MY MAN D-WADE HAS A FEW WORDS BEFORE THIS IS OVER. THE MAVS PLAY KEITH VAN HORN FOR CRYING OUT LOUD. KEITH VAN HORN!

OK, TREV, I HAVE TO GET BACK TO WATCHING THIS GAME. ITS A NICE QUIET NIGHT AT THE SMITH HOUSE. IVE GOT A FEW CANDLES BURNING, AND THE LADY AND I ARE GOING TO DO SOME RELAXING YOGA AT THE HALF. THROW IN A SOOTHING BATH AND A GOOD BOOK AFTER THE GAME, AND I AM SET. DID YOU GET THOSE MEDITATION BOOKS I SENT YOU? I'LL STOP BY WITH MORE THE NEXT TIME I'M IN TOWN. I'VE GOT A NEW HANDSHAKE FOR YOU TOO. I KNOW HOW MUCH YOU LIKE THEM.

Stephen A. Smith can be seen sporadically on Quite Frankly with Stephen A. Smith. Women's softball gets higher ratings.