Fire Mark May: Damn you, Amazon!

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

2-day shipping my backside! When the thing says your package will be there on the 18th, it better damn well be there on the 18th! What's this 18th-19th crap? I cannot stand uncertainty in my parcel delivery! This is throwing off my entire schedule of inagural NCAA 2007 enjoyment. I had everything planned: Tuesday, receive game, win national title with Nebraska. Wednesday, recruit. Thursday, scheduling of office dynasty mode. Friday, pickup games and beer. All free time would be filled by TrevDawg1 trash-talking on Xbox Live. Now with this unfortunate delay, the schedule must be pushed back. This is worse than when they pushed back the release date! (We had to sedate him.-IO)

Reggie Bush, you are dead to me. -TrevDawg1

In the meantime, I can keep preparing my NCAA 2007 preparedness kit:

1 Costco-sized box of Goldfish crackers (cheese)
2 30-packs of Keystone Light
delivery menus from local Chinese, Mexican, and Italian eateries
a minimum of 12 cans of Red Bull brand energy drink
1 handle (1.5L) of Absolut brand Vodka
1 bag of bakery fresh bagels with cream cheese
1 can of Maxwell House coffee
1 case of bottled water
First-aid kit

Remember, there are many ways to enjoy EA's NCAA Football with the variety of game modes and your own varying level of sobriety. Once you are done with your obligatory title run with your favorite team, remember that there are so many other ways to enjoy your favorite game all year long! Some of my favorites include service academy dynasties, create-a-school, and trying to get the death penalty, but that's another post after I've delved deep into the digital goodness that is this franchise.

So once more, damn you, Amazon! Damn you and your shipping delays! This only delays the inevitable. Soon, I will be conquering Colorado and Missouri and Oregon and Maryland and Texas and Washington....