Week 1 Trevonics: With Frosting!

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Rise and freaking shine, college football! A well-wished Lemsday to you all, and happy 2007 to everyone. We return now to the in season, the season of the Trev, and lo unto me, the alpha and the omega of all your degenerate wagering needs! Feast your eyes upon my astounding feats of prognosticatory derring-do, bold generalizations, and cowardly chalk betting! Continuing with the decorum of this momentous kickoff, let us bring out the 2006 scoreboard. Interns! Wheels up!

2006 Season:
Straight Up: 85-32
Against the Spread: 64-50-2

Now please don your ceremonial raiments as we officially welcome the 2007 season....by detonating the old scoreboard!

RENEW! RENEW! RENEW!

Season to date:
Straight Up: 0-0
Against the Spread: 0-0-0

That sure was easy. We only lost two or three interns to this year's carousel, a new record, and the office only suffered minor structural damage. Now, on to Week 1, a grueling 25 course slate of sugary delights, great unknowns, and other delicious shadowy enigmas.

(Obvious disclaimer: Trevonics is for entertainment purposes only.-IO)

Louisiana State (-17.5) at Mississippi State (8/30, 8pm ET, ESPN)

Let's kick off with one so-called main event before we track back into the sugary sweet abyss. In all honesty, in the middle of October, this game is an afterthought. Against the black velvet of uneventful tuneup games, this assumed ass-forking sparkles like a mid season clash of titans. On paper, which is really all we have to go on right now, LSU destroys any glimmer of hope within 50 miles of Starkville. There's the slightest possibility that Sly can pull a fast one on the Tigers, but I wouldn't wager anything more than 3 hours on an otherwise uneventful Thursday night.
Trev's pick: Lousiana State

This leaves the remainder of our Thrusday night viewing to be of the delectable cupcake variety. I'm not even going to give these matchups any more mention other than eat delicious Blue flavored cupcakes from our favorite staff whatsit, in honor of the Bloo-ness of the Boise State Broncos and the Buffalo...Buffalo.



Rutgers (-32) over Buffalo
Lousiville (OFF) over Murray State
Boise State (OFF) over Weber State

As for Saturday's games, nothing says whimsical tuneup match more than a batch of Monkey cupcakes. I don't know why. I can't explain it. I'm not a scientist.



Michigan (OFF) over Appalachian State
Florida (OFF) over Western Kentucky
Ohio State (OFF) over Youngstown State
Penn State (-38.5) over Florida International
West Virginia (-23) over Western Michigan
Oklahoma (-40.5) over North Texas
Texas (-39) over Arkansas State
Arkansas (-23.5) over Troy
Southern Cal (-46) over Idaho
Hawaii (OFF) over Northern Colorado

Virginia Tech (-27.5) over East Carolina (1200et ESPN)
If I could be serious for a moment, I love pirates. Like, a whole lot. I almost wanted to put this game in the cupcake file, but then I remembered that Skip Holtz' salty crew actually played in some semblance of a bowl game last year. I might as well give them some respect for that. Anyway, to get really serious for a second, the Hokies are going to put on a clinic. We're all going to be pulling for a complete barnburner in Blacksburg. Word to the wise, ESPN, don't overschlock this coverage or else we might just be watching VT on the ACC Network next year.
Trev's pick: Virginia Tech

Wisconsin (-14) over Washington State (330et ABC)
Until proven otherwise, games like this are tomato cans wrapped in power conference labels. Washington State, a respectable program on most levels, is just not getting me very excited this year. There's not even an air of mystery like Arizona State, Illinois, or Ole Miss. Do I think Washington State is going to get to a bowl game? Drawing the line right now, I'm going to have to say no. I just don't see how they can get out of the PAC-10 alive, and Wisconsin is obviously the better team playing in Madison. Two scores isn't enough.
Trev's pick: Wisconsin

Nebraska (-21.5) over Nevada (330et ABC)
So many joys of mine rolled up into one afternoon kickoff: my 'Huskers, the Pistol, and regional coverage! If everyone believes the hype that Callahan can give the Trojans a stern talking-to, I have to believe that they can get by the Wolfpack. Let's kick off the season right, no bad mojo, and watch the season develop.
Trev's pick: Nebraska

UCLA (-17) over Stanford (330et)
We all know Jim Harbaugh bows to no man, but he just doesn't have the horses right now to overtake the Bruins, no matter how many gimmes Karl may throw his way. DeWayne Walker returns a now fearsome UCLA defense, and the offense is finally getting its act together. Chris Markey is good for at least 100 yards against a likely undersized Stanford line, but that's just my Xbox talking here. Don't try to pass Cardinal, that back 4 is full of 89s and 90s. UCLA has a good three scores in them, one on the ground, one in the air, and one pick-six into the marching band.
Trev's pick: UCLA

Oklahoma State (+6) at Georgia (645et ESPN2)
The first dog of the year in a slate covered with cupcakey chalk. A lot of factors are coming into play here. The first is my Trev senses tingling that the 'Dawgs may be a skooch overrated, but more importantly, the fact that the Cowboys are a sleeper team on Xbox. A-, A-, B+ and unranked, primed for underestimation at all times. If the kids howls from last night are any indication, the Cowboys can cough it up 5 times and still win...that Orson Swindle character runs a mean offense for OSU. Back to reality, I don't think this is close enough for a middle, so no split pick.
Trev's pick: Oklahoma State

TCU (-21) over Baylor (600et CSTV)
Good old CSTV, always getting the prime cuts of the opening schedule. TCU gets Big XII tomato can Baylor with a deceptive line. I really want to say the final score will be 15-0 Horned Frogs, but, say it with me now, "It's Baylor."
Trev's pick: TCU

Auburn (-13.5) over Kansas State (745et ESPN)
I'm not completely licensed to say this, but, FREE MONEY. Kansas State, at night, at Jordan-Hare, against Auburn. Helmets will be flying off, rock music blaring at Guns 'N Roses decibel levels, and a Tiger team that certainly feels neglected this offseason. Sure, they're in the top 25, but I get the feeling they've got a big old chip on their shoulders this year. I sure as hell know I'm not giving them any respect, but this game should be a cakewalk for Auburn.
Trev's pick: Auburn

Tennessee (+6) at California (800et ABC)
Sure, Cal is spitting blood and seething for revenge, but I just think the Vols hold serve this weekend. Mark it up to the old chestnut "goodol'SECfootbawteamspeed" and I know Cal is the new Oregon with its sleek speed and fancy uniforms, but last year in Neyland they showed how soft they were. I don't think they can toughen up enough in one offseason. Here's still hoping they rock the Trojans though....It's a tough game, I can't split it under 7 points, but I hope its the marquee matchup worthy to look forward to.
Trev's pick: Tennessee

Florida State (-3.5) over Clemson (9/3 800et ESPN)
*All apologies to the brothers Mac for not getting this one in on the original post. All this cupcake business left me with quite the sugar crash. This game and Hawaii fell through the cracks. Apologies for any Northern Colorado fans holding out hope. As for the Labor Day bumfuzzling, I'm sorry Clemson, but I'm just not seeing it in the cards. Bowden's rallying up the troops and, again, the Xbox isn't picking up what you guys are putting down. That run game is going to have to get past Chuck Amato's boys, a defense that can only be described as "perky" this early in the season. Repeating the obvious: Florida State, night, flaming spears, Oakley sunglasses.
Trev's pick: Florida State

Notre Dame (-2.5) over Georgia Tech (330et NBC)
As usual, we throw this last one in for the kid, the crazy bastard that he is. Depending on where you look, you could argue that the Yellow Jackets are ranked, so maybe that can give you solace in this otherwise lengthy Trevonics. Probably the greatest unknown of this season is WTF the Irish are up to this season. Knifewrenchs? Jimmy Clausen? Good D? Bad D? Who the hell knows? Theyre like Georgia Tech, except no one knows their names. I'm looking out for Tashard Choice as usual, as he is a beast on 2008, and gave the Irish brief spurts of fits last year. Also, their potential starting QB is a wannabe CIA operative who just might complete 50% of his passes...so not Reggie Ball. Mysterious all around, but no one likes a whiny editor.
Trev's pick: Notre Dame

Trev Alberts is probably still working for CSTV. He loves him some cupcakes.