Updated: Wednesday, August 29, 2007

News Flash: ND QB controversy in the midst of triple triple reverse


This site is enacting the Emergency Blogging System. This is not a test.

FireMarkMay.com, in voluntary cooperation with the Federal Communications Commission and federal, state, and internet authorities, have developed this system to keep you informed in the event of an emergency.

Late Wednesday, sources have divulged the identity of the starting QB for Notre Dame's home opener against the Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets. Breaking the story with the help of Facebook, a social networking site, the Notre Dame blog known as Robot Charlie divulged the identity of said starting quarterback to be none other than Demetrius Jones. Known aliases of Mr. Jones include DJ, DD, Double Disaster, Mr. Jones, QB #3, and "that scrambling Irish QB guy on NCAA."

Concerns that the release of this "state secret" is causing the Notre Dame Nation to begin the wringing of hands and gnashing of teeth a full 48 hours before a snap of meaningful football. For ease of reference, the NDN security alert has been raised to "unnecessary yellow" or "The 2005 'The Shirt'":
The larger issues at hand are both the amount and direction of damage the spilled starting secret has created. Initial reactions are leading to the possible excommunication of the noble amateur blogger, but that may soon to be reconsidered as an over-reaction. The real concern is the nature of the information leak, the credibility of the source, the true source of the source, the motive behind said source, the gamesmanship behind the leak, and the interpretation of that gamesmanship by internet commentors, and the fanbases at large.

To be clearer, we have no proof at this time that this inside information is not actually disinformation by the hands of the actual Robot Genius, Charlie Weis. Long known to be fascinated by text messaging and keeping secrets tucked neatly under his large, stretched-out Notre Dame coaches' hoody, Coach Weis man in fact want us all to believe that Jones is the starter when, in fact, he is NOT the starter. If he is not the starter, then who is? This leads us all back to our original assumption that this internet communique is actually leading us all to believe that the true starter of this Saturday's home opener is in fact Jimmy Clausen. Of course, for that to be known and the logical end of this information, Jimmy must, in actuality, ALSO not be the starter. Therefore, by process of elimination, Evan Sharpley will be leading the Irish onto the field against Georgia Tech, which, of course, is what Weis wants us to think. This leaves us to the chilling conclusion that the starting quarterback is none other than "that other guy", Darren Bragg.

We here at the Emergency Blogging System hope this clears up the situation for everyone, especially Georgia Tech DC, John Tenuta. We know he is keeping close tabs on this situation as it develops, and is now scrambling to reorganize Thursday's practice to gameplan against Bragg. However, if that's his gameplan, the Irish will have to counter with their own adjustments which may not include Bragg at all.

More on this as it develops, or when my eyes uncross.

This has been a broadcast of the Emergency Blogging System. This is not a test.


Muppet Newscaster is the sole operator of FireMarkMay's EBS. He is also unnecessarily yellow.




Anonymous Samari said...

of course Charlie knows that we'd figure out his Darren Bragg game, so that was never his intention from the start. I have it on good information from a totally solid source who knows a guy at EA that EA has a mole in the Athletic office and the starter on Saturday is, in fact none other than Zach Frazer! The whole "transfer" thing was nothing more than a rouse and Zach has been in deep seclusion under O'Shag using the tunnels to move across campus undetected.

Truly fiendish I say! ...What's that so... Hey! No! STOP! PLEASE NOT THAT....

10:31 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home