Updated: Thursday, September 20, 2007

Editorial: We're going to drink until we're bowl eligible

There's a new school of thought sweeping the Notre Dame Nation, or at least my somewhat youthfully naive corner of it. That school of thought is based in hope, bourbon, whiskey, and the Bearhunter.

We're going to drink until we're bowl eligible.

It's a noble cause if there ever was one, and it will certainly ease any future growing pains of the horrible, inexperienced team we love so dearly...I love so dearly. Trev is still reeling from Nebraska's depantsing, even going so far as dictating pantsless until the 'Huskers are once again victorious. It is wrong on a number of levels, and many of the interns are threatening lawsuits. Too bad our legal department went to Notre Dame, and they are joining me in a sympathy strike, nay, it was likely their idea to begin with.

So, as it stands now, things may not get much worse. I've convinced myself just enough to believe that this, right here and now, is the bottom, the Great Depression of Notre Dame Football. We're carting around wheelbarrows full of Domer Dollars just to buy a concession stand polish. Before, I had convinced myself that the program had hit bottom on several occasions: Davie's final year (all of it), Ty losing at Syracuse in a game that many believe never really happened, anything to do with Urban Meyer; but now, I'm certain, that the Irish team I have been woe to see these last few weeks is by far the worst football team I have ever paid money to watch. This includes my current DirecTV bill, and the $4 I paid to watch my high school get shellacked by much larger schools. Therefore, I'm going to cope with the rebuilding the only way my Notre Dame education knows how, completely unhealthy binge drinking.

It's going to start with a pre-game intensive workshop with our safety inspector, this guy:

Following that, a consistent and thorough regiment of German liquors containing jager in their name. Then, the Sparks.

I do it because I love my team. Faced with the unthinkable "I have no idea how much worse we can be", and having that answered for three consecutive weeks have put me in a place where I need to be as sedate as possible in order to not hate my beloved Irish forever.

In my heart, I know things will turn around. My liver is another story all together.


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Blogger Willy Mac said...

I mean, isn't that what any good irish catholic should do in this situation?

9:38 AM  
Anonymous samari said...

I'm all for this, now which drawer did i keep all those mini bottles of alcohol in...

12:04 PM  

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