Week 2 Rundown: Sunday Morning MegaPost 3rdMix Beatdown Revolution XIII!

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Wow....that really escalated quickly. A long fulfilling day of college football and libations, leaving me bleary eyed and definitely not 100% "awares" this Sunday morning. Unable to sleep off whatever the hell it is I drank yesterday, let's get down to the business, I don't think it's going to look good for the Trev, but it could be worse, I could be our editor! Hey kid, I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think your reaction to the Irish's latest defeat involved you tearing down the neighbor's house with your bare hands! Impressive.



The just as demolished scoreboard:

Week 2:
Against the Spread: 9-11
Straight Up: 15-5

2007 Season-to-date:
Against the Spread: 18-20
Straight up: 29-9

Holy hell! Get thee behind me Week 2! Simply stunning. I picked Akron to win? What the hell was I on? Kid, you've got to advise me on some of this stuff, especially when I've been drinking. Hey zeus, man, that's like....55% of your job or something? I don't know, my head is just swimming in defeat right now. I can't believe I'm the only one who can't sleep off last night's destructive forces.

Let's just get on with this, but first, a quick note from the interns' field trip to Northwestern-Nevada, probably one of the unheralded great finishes of the weekend. The Wildcats come from behind in the last minute to put away the Wolfpack, and like 2000 total yards or offense to boot. Free tickets, free parking, free Pistol, free parking shuttle school bus, and free....FOODBALL!


That about says it all, right there: GO FOODBALL! Let me officially declare that the Trev fully endorses the Foodball. The beauty of Foodball is a joy forever, so sayeth the Me, and really, that's what its all about. Oh..."He's not making fun of children, is he??!?" YES HE IS!

Rutgers 41-Navy 24
It was a noble effort, young seamen, but Rutgers laid the woodwork to you. That sentence is like 2 drinks for entendres, for those keeping track at home. I still love America, but I really wish America could cover the freaking spread.

West Virginia 48-Marshall 23
The Thundering Herd put the irregular plural scare into the Mountaineers, but it just wasn't enough to take home the Flaming Couch Bowl title. WfnVU marches on.

Nebraska 20-Wake Forest 17
CALLAHAN! I will cut you, Callahan, and that is the freaking truth! How the heck did do you only manage to get 20 up on Wake Forest? No disrespect, Deacons, but let's be real for a second. This is freaking Nebraska, and we should be Husking you right back to the ACC status quo, if only out of principle. This new order of Nebraska-Wake Forest being a close game is totally messing with my head.

Oklahoma 51-Miami of Florida 13
OU, Superteam FC (tm)....That was....unexpected. You seem to....um....have some offense there. I...don't really want to mess with any of that. Thank you very much. All Sooner touchdowns in the air, you say? Fascinating. Miami of Florida....thanks for coming out?

Ohio State 20-Akron 2
Son of a! That's just sloppy there, picking Akron to win. Hubris! Hubris I say! But, if you told me that the Zips would have gotten a safety AND be only down 2-3 at the Half, I would have punched you in the mouth like one of them boxing Kangaroos and called you a damn, dirty liar! That doesn't change the fact that all of us in the Media Center were pulling for the 4-3 double safety upset! Your'e still not off the hook, BTN!

Clemson 49-Louisiana Monroe 26
CJ Spiller ran back in time to defeat the Louisiana Purchase. This is my only explanation for the Tigers failing to cover, some sort of space-time paradox business. Word to he wise, Trevonic disciples, when a blowout game is OFF and suddenly goes ON at the last minute, stay the F away. I was certainly trapped by that one. Fair play, Gamblor.

California 34-Colorado State 28
You disappoint me yet again, Cal. Pulling this underachieving business like you always always do when I'm ready to put the full faith of the Trev on your speedy shoulders. You get out-gained by the Rams, and need 3 turnovers to bail you out of this trap game. I guess you get some credit for shutting them down in the second half, but you should have run away with it. Hell yeah, irrational expectations!

Washington 24-Boise State 10
Fire, blood rain, dogs and cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA! UW is getting a dose of the good 'ol TW magic we've all become accustomed to seeing about once every 5 years or so. Good on the Huskies, those players need something to feel good about for once, but I get the feeling this is like those years in EA NCAA where someone finds that one broken play and keeps running it over and over again until someone cracks it, with devastating regression to the mean. Jailbreak screen!

Texas A&M 47-Fresno State 45
So much for grinding the Bulldogs into submission. The Aggies get out alive in 3 OTs, but I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out how the heck they let Pat Hill's boys score 45. Is it 2005 again?

South Carolina 16-Georgia 12
You are totally welcome, Georgia. I don't know why I'm disliking you so much this year. Really, I can't for the life of me have a good reason to think you're not great, but the visor locked you down, and that just makes me smile.

Florida 59-Troy 31
We all have our new demons in this young season. Michigan has it's kittens....lots and lots of kittens...Notre Dame's having it's problems running a college offense with toddlers, Nebraska still can't figure out if they're any good, and Florida has to be concerned that Troy got 31 points. I'm sure this victory has some Gator fans feeling a little unclean this morning.

UCLA 27-BYU 17
10 points better! The Bruins hold BYU to an anemic 42 yards on the ground and win a tough game in good team fashion. UCLA, the new Cal?

Tennessee 39-Southern Miss 19
No letdown here. The Vols get some hits in on the body bag to let out last week's aggression.

Texas 34-TCU 13
Another team that just never seems to get it done when you expect them to break through. TCU, I want to be a fan so very much, but you keep letting me down like this. In a classic Valenti, you had the Horns making mistakes and you just didn't MAKE PLAYS! You let Mack Brown feed them pudding, and after the half, Texas became Texas again. MAKE PLAYS!

Hawaii 45-Louisiana Tech 44
Colt Brennan escapes the upset as the LA Tech whatever-they-ares fail to convert in OT. That about sums it up. Warriors fail to blowout, grasp desperately for the shootout win, and pull it out. WAC-tastic!

South Florida 26-Auburn 23
USF! USF! Let's hear it for the Bulls! After weeks, nay months, of preseason sleeper hype, the trendy darkhorses actually came through! It's damn refreshing to say the least. Auburn is in that rare territory where they're not getting any kind of credit for beating anyone, but anyone who takes them down gets a healthy dose of street cred. I'm all about the Bulls getting it done if they can keep these games close and get the wins in the clutch. USF!

Louisiana State 48-Virginia Tech 7
AD's of America, when LSU asks you to play in Death Valley, and they say its gonna be a night game, and the start time is 8pm local, the answer is always an emphatic no! Dark voodoo magic, the hordes of marathon tailgaters, darkness over taking the field. That is a bad place down there, mama. The Tigers have their official coming out party for 2007, and it's brutal.

Wisconsin 20-UNLV 13
Ugh. UNLV puts up an unexpected fight in a game that I can only assume had something to do with the fact it was in the most distracting city in the world. You'd think a team from Madison would be able to fight off their partying urges, but I guess Vegas Power is an unstoppable force.

Penn State 31-Notre Dame 10
An entire nation of Irish fans should be writing Lloyd Carr love letters right now because his glorious implosion in Ann Arbor, and it is glorious, is diverting all the good ink away from ND's "rebuilding." Who said that? There's that word again. No matter how you sugar coat it, it's clearly the case. There are just so many mistakes, critical mistakes, fundamental mistakes, that are the markings of a young team. The Robot Catholics are losing faith by the handfuls, and the schedule is merciless. Penn State was able to capitalize on the gifts of field position and lack of offense, but the Irish D once again get some kind of moral victory....I think....They're getting better and better? Though, you'd think they wouldn't have been intimidated by 100,000 white people.

Now onto the clinical precision of a lazy NFL Sunday. I'm sure my eventual nap will be ruined by some kind of Bears Free Money nonsense. This weekend is far from over, and the forecast is pain. My liver hurts.

Trev Alberts used to work for ESPN. He once got time and a half to tear down the set of RPM 2Night with his bare hands.