Trip Pictures: Go Foodball

A few more pictures from the trip to Tampa:

College Football and beer. There should be a mascot of this nature at every game, if only walking around the parking lots.

Pirate ships, however, are too awesome to be mass produced. This one was brutal, but access was definitely limited. It's a good thing too, because most in attendance would have torched it with homemade pyro when they sacked the model pirate shantytown.

Most of you know this man as Orson Swindle, proprietor of EDSBS, but to the University of Florida, most importantly Ben Hill-Griffin Stadium, he is Juan Carlos Sanchez, 28 year old graduate student....from 1994.
Immediately after this picture was taken, Brian trucked Swindle right good in a game of pickup football.

No hard feelings though. At the end of an extremely long and arduous bender in the heart of Florida, Orson made it rain at Sonic. Toaster Sandwiches are illegal in 25 states. This is why Sonics are still confined primarily to the South.

-irishoutsider

Week 2 Rundown: Sunday Morning MegaPost 3rdMix Beatdown Revolution XIII!

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Wow....that really escalated quickly. A long fulfilling day of college football and libations, leaving me bleary eyed and definitely not 100% "awares" this Sunday morning. Unable to sleep off whatever the hell it is I drank yesterday, let's get down to the business, I don't think it's going to look good for the Trev, but it could be worse, I could be our editor! Hey kid, I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think your reaction to the Irish's latest defeat involved you tearing down the neighbor's house with your bare hands! Impressive.



The just as demolished scoreboard:

Week 2:
Against the Spread: 9-11
Straight Up: 15-5

2007 Season-to-date:
Against the Spread: 18-20
Straight up: 29-9

Holy hell! Get thee behind me Week 2! Simply stunning. I picked Akron to win? What the hell was I on? Kid, you've got to advise me on some of this stuff, especially when I've been drinking. Hey zeus, man, that's like....55% of your job or something? I don't know, my head is just swimming in defeat right now. I can't believe I'm the only one who can't sleep off last night's destructive forces.

Let's just get on with this, but first, a quick note from the interns' field trip to Northwestern-Nevada, probably one of the unheralded great finishes of the weekend. The Wildcats come from behind in the last minute to put away the Wolfpack, and like 2000 total yards or offense to boot. Free tickets, free parking, free Pistol, free parking shuttle school bus, and free....FOODBALL!


That about says it all, right there: GO FOODBALL! Let me officially declare that the Trev fully endorses the Foodball. The beauty of Foodball is a joy forever, so sayeth the Me, and really, that's what its all about. Oh..."He's not making fun of children, is he??!?" YES HE IS!

Rutgers 41-Navy 24
It was a noble effort, young seamen, but Rutgers laid the woodwork to you. That sentence is like 2 drinks for entendres, for those keeping track at home. I still love America, but I really wish America could cover the freaking spread.

West Virginia 48-Marshall 23
The Thundering Herd put the irregular plural scare into the Mountaineers, but it just wasn't enough to take home the Flaming Couch Bowl title. WfnVU marches on.

Nebraska 20-Wake Forest 17
CALLAHAN! I will cut you, Callahan, and that is the freaking truth! How the heck did do you only manage to get 20 up on Wake Forest? No disrespect, Deacons, but let's be real for a second. This is freaking Nebraska, and we should be Husking you right back to the ACC status quo, if only out of principle. This new order of Nebraska-Wake Forest being a close game is totally messing with my head.

Oklahoma 51-Miami of Florida 13
OU, Superteam FC (tm)....That was....unexpected. You seem to....um....have some offense there. I...don't really want to mess with any of that. Thank you very much. All Sooner touchdowns in the air, you say? Fascinating. Miami of Florida....thanks for coming out?

Ohio State 20-Akron 2
Son of a! That's just sloppy there, picking Akron to win. Hubris! Hubris I say! But, if you told me that the Zips would have gotten a safety AND be only down 2-3 at the Half, I would have punched you in the mouth like one of them boxing Kangaroos and called you a damn, dirty liar! That doesn't change the fact that all of us in the Media Center were pulling for the 4-3 double safety upset! Your'e still not off the hook, BTN!

Clemson 49-Louisiana Monroe 26
CJ Spiller ran back in time to defeat the Louisiana Purchase. This is my only explanation for the Tigers failing to cover, some sort of space-time paradox business. Word to he wise, Trevonic disciples, when a blowout game is OFF and suddenly goes ON at the last minute, stay the F away. I was certainly trapped by that one. Fair play, Gamblor.

California 34-Colorado State 28
You disappoint me yet again, Cal. Pulling this underachieving business like you always always do when I'm ready to put the full faith of the Trev on your speedy shoulders. You get out-gained by the Rams, and need 3 turnovers to bail you out of this trap game. I guess you get some credit for shutting them down in the second half, but you should have run away with it. Hell yeah, irrational expectations!

Washington 24-Boise State 10
Fire, blood rain, dogs and cats living together, MASS HYSTERIA! UW is getting a dose of the good 'ol TW magic we've all become accustomed to seeing about once every 5 years or so. Good on the Huskies, those players need something to feel good about for once, but I get the feeling this is like those years in EA NCAA where someone finds that one broken play and keeps running it over and over again until someone cracks it, with devastating regression to the mean. Jailbreak screen!

Texas A&M 47-Fresno State 45
So much for grinding the Bulldogs into submission. The Aggies get out alive in 3 OTs, but I'm still scratching my head trying to figure out how the heck they let Pat Hill's boys score 45. Is it 2005 again?

South Carolina 16-Georgia 12
You are totally welcome, Georgia. I don't know why I'm disliking you so much this year. Really, I can't for the life of me have a good reason to think you're not great, but the visor locked you down, and that just makes me smile.

Florida 59-Troy 31
We all have our new demons in this young season. Michigan has it's kittens....lots and lots of kittens...Notre Dame's having it's problems running a college offense with toddlers, Nebraska still can't figure out if they're any good, and Florida has to be concerned that Troy got 31 points. I'm sure this victory has some Gator fans feeling a little unclean this morning.

UCLA 27-BYU 17
10 points better! The Bruins hold BYU to an anemic 42 yards on the ground and win a tough game in good team fashion. UCLA, the new Cal?

Tennessee 39-Southern Miss 19
No letdown here. The Vols get some hits in on the body bag to let out last week's aggression.

Texas 34-TCU 13
Another team that just never seems to get it done when you expect them to break through. TCU, I want to be a fan so very much, but you keep letting me down like this. In a classic Valenti, you had the Horns making mistakes and you just didn't MAKE PLAYS! You let Mack Brown feed them pudding, and after the half, Texas became Texas again. MAKE PLAYS!

Hawaii 45-Louisiana Tech 44
Colt Brennan escapes the upset as the LA Tech whatever-they-ares fail to convert in OT. That about sums it up. Warriors fail to blowout, grasp desperately for the shootout win, and pull it out. WAC-tastic!

South Florida 26-Auburn 23
USF! USF! Let's hear it for the Bulls! After weeks, nay months, of preseason sleeper hype, the trendy darkhorses actually came through! It's damn refreshing to say the least. Auburn is in that rare territory where they're not getting any kind of credit for beating anyone, but anyone who takes them down gets a healthy dose of street cred. I'm all about the Bulls getting it done if they can keep these games close and get the wins in the clutch. USF!

Louisiana State 48-Virginia Tech 7
AD's of America, when LSU asks you to play in Death Valley, and they say its gonna be a night game, and the start time is 8pm local, the answer is always an emphatic no! Dark voodoo magic, the hordes of marathon tailgaters, darkness over taking the field. That is a bad place down there, mama. The Tigers have their official coming out party for 2007, and it's brutal.

Wisconsin 20-UNLV 13
Ugh. UNLV puts up an unexpected fight in a game that I can only assume had something to do with the fact it was in the most distracting city in the world. You'd think a team from Madison would be able to fight off their partying urges, but I guess Vegas Power is an unstoppable force.

Penn State 31-Notre Dame 10
An entire nation of Irish fans should be writing Lloyd Carr love letters right now because his glorious implosion in Ann Arbor, and it is glorious, is diverting all the good ink away from ND's "rebuilding." Who said that? There's that word again. No matter how you sugar coat it, it's clearly the case. There are just so many mistakes, critical mistakes, fundamental mistakes, that are the markings of a young team. The Robot Catholics are losing faith by the handfuls, and the schedule is merciless. Penn State was able to capitalize on the gifts of field position and lack of offense, but the Irish D once again get some kind of moral victory....I think....They're getting better and better? Though, you'd think they wouldn't have been intimidated by 100,000 white people.

Now onto the clinical precision of a lazy NFL Sunday. I'm sure my eventual nap will be ruined by some kind of Bears Free Money nonsense. This weekend is far from over, and the forecast is pain. My liver hurts.

Trev Alberts used to work for ESPN. He once got time and a half to tear down the set of RPM 2Night with his bare hands.

Release the editors!

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

I guess we're starting this year's Amazing Trev Trip of Wonderment a little bit early, as the kid's beloved Robot Genius has seen fit to open practice to the teeming hordes willing to head to South Bend at the crack of dawn....

(HT: UND.com) NOTRE DAME, Ind. - Fans looking to get a sneak peek of the 2007 Notre Dame football team are invited to attend Fan Appreciation Day on Saturday, Aug. 11 inside Notre Dame Stadium. The event starts at 9:00 a.m. and lasts until 11:30 a.m. and is free to everyone in attendance.

Led by head coach Charlie Weis, the Irish coaching staff will run the football team through its only public practice for two and a half hours, weather permitting. Gates at Notre Dame Stadium open at 8:30 a.m. and seating is on a first come, first served basis in the lower bowl.

Stadium concession stands will not be open but fans will be allowed to enter with non-alcoholic beverages in plastic containers. Notre Dame ushers will be present at the gates and throughout the Stadium and will remove any patrons who bring in alcoholic beverages or glass containers. Restrooms will be open in the lower bowl of Notre Dame Stadium.

Autographs and/or photos with the players or coaches will not be available prior to, during or following practice. Fans are encouraged to park in the lots located just south of the Stadium. Tailgating prior to and following practice will not be permitted. If weather forces the team to practice inside, the event will not be rescheduled.

WHAT: Fan Appreciation Day
WHEN: Saturday, Aug. 11, 9:00-11:30 a.m.
WHERE: Notre Dame Stadium
COST: Free (No tickets required)
SEATING: General Admission in the lower bowl (First come, first served)
PARKING: In lots south of Notre Dame Stadium or Library lots
GATES: All gates will open at 8:30 a.m.

We're tentatively scheduled to have Irish take in all of the morning splendor with co-defendant Brian from HouseRockBuilt, hopefully with pictures, sound, and video if he deciphers the secret map I created to reveal the hiding place of his camera. I will likely be unable to attend as I have a bender penciled in for this evening.

Of course, kid, while you're out there at practice and all, see if you can get some reps in with the slapping coaches. You hit like a girl.

Trev Alberts is a former ESPN stuffed shirt. When he hits you you'll know it.

Fin du Monde! Vegas Post Morte!

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Ah, nothing like washing down jet lag with a few hearty rounds of French-Canadian triple ales. Not only is it good for you, but your kidneys will thank you! I can't get enough of this stuff, which is surprising after the vast, vast, vast amounts of shady liquors I enjoyed at the luxurious Casino Royale. What interesting scents I discovered! But, I'm getting way too ahead of myself, actually, let me get way ahead of myself and say the kid woke up screaming bloody murder on Saturday morning. We're talking the howls of unending agony fueled by vodka-induced Kafka dreams, but I digress. Let's start at the beginning.

A general breakdown of the 4-day Tour de Force of Vegas' finer and not fine gambling halls, casinos, and saloons, included multiple trips to the empire known as Caesars Palace with occasional stops at local behemoths The Venetian, Bellagio, and Wynn Las Vegas. Every turn we encountered the latest blight on the once noble gaming community, the No-Limit Tourist. Seriously, these guys are basically your stereotypical person who watches way too much ESPN 8, and actually brings an iPod to the table. Resplendent. With the World Series of Poker in town, literally everyone wanted to play like the pros, and that meant only one thing: tournaments! Tournaments Tournaments Tournaments! Good lord, it was like one of them damn magical gatherings. I was waiting for them to break out the boosters at any second.

Starting with the inevitable good news, Free Money Dave managed to wield his pokering prowess in a late-night tourney. Playing well into the night against the unwashed, unclean, unsober masses, he managed to shark his way to a tidy sum. It's not as easy as you think it is to bluff people out at 2am, especially when their blood is almost 33% Sobe energy drink. Kudos to the little bastard, we all knew he'd take them down. Living up to his billing, he also managed to make most table games his man-servant as well, blistering the already shattered dreams of many a low-rent casino dealer.

Let's Go Justin and No Name Pace had their own share of Vegas fortunes and misfortunes. Taking all of this glorious town in one extreme after the next, watching their disillusionment come full circle was a sight to behold. First night, straight to casino. An all night bender of poker, vodka, imitation energy drink, more poker, whiskey, bourbon, and coffee soon followed, immediately followed by little to no sleep. What did our fair Trev-troopers plan for a morning wake-up? Hardcore weightlifting! LET'S EFFING GO! WOOO! Of course, this caused the second night in Vegas to get cut short at a malaised 1 am, but that's the kind of fatigue we're talking about when you bleed poker money for 8 hours straight. Eventually, they embraced the soulless abyss, bellied up to the tables, and dove head-first into the crushing blackness that awaited them. Both admit the trip took at least 14 months off of their lives. Outstanding.

I, on the other hand, had a tremendous time. I didn't win that much, or at all for that matter, but I got to enjoy the absolutely ridiculous losing streak of the kid. Oh my! Seriously, it was the best ever, folks. Down right dominating. After a while it just got silly, pulling teeth for 17s only to see the dealer's 8. Snake eyes after snake eyes, poker rivering gone wild, and a veritable snowstorm of busted racing tickets. Kid's in the race book like some junior Gummy Joe apprentice, pulling his hair out over a quarterhorse nag in Seattle, meanwhile, I'm having a hell of a time chatting up the local degenerates. You haven't lived until you've watched a couple of guys drop a few G's on the Cavs while simultaneously betting on greyhounds. Simply stunning. Still not enough to get free sportsbook drinks, though, bastards.

The inevitable rock bottom hit roughly around the 3/4 pole of the trip. Having bled poker money through a mixture of Sobe-vodka judgment, dumb luck, and blind skill for almost 36 consecutive hours, the kid finally snapped roughly 3am Saturday morning. Unable to take anymore money out of the ATM, into my own personal stash for a couple large Trev fun dollars, and watching everyone around him win big in the midst of his crippling losing streak, it all finally took a toll on the poor editor's psyche. The whining was splendid, and the adrenaline rushed conviction that he was actually cursed hit critical mass and produced comedy gold. Comedy gold, and security guard stink eyes. Scientifically, comedy=tragedy + time. Give this a few more days, and its going to be goddamn hilarious! His self-worth completely in check, watching him trudge along the final stretch was like going to Vegas with Eeyore.

Luckily, in true "Vegas Vacation" style, the home stretch of the trip included meeting up with Orson Swindle and his lovely bride, the Conscience, at Casino Royale to help try to bury the rest of the kid's money. Now this place, this place was everything my Trev heart desired and more. Truly living the High Life over there at Casino Royale. Cheap craps, $1 lagers, $1 Margaritas, a pizza parlor on the premises, adjoining Denny's, and speedy White Russian service. Mmm. Mmm. A fine, fine establishment. Too bad the kid was completely shattered by this point, he could have helped me play Blackjack Switch! They let you switch cards? I don't care if Blackjack pays even money, I still feel like I'm cheating, and they use a machine! Long into the night, the bargain well booze flowed copiously, and even though the karaoke line at Imperial Palace was well over 90 minutes WITH bribe, at least the charmingly dirty KJ was honest, a rarity in both karaoke and Vegas.

In summation, the trip was a success on so many levels save the kid. Time was taken off everyones lives, and everyone is a little bit lighter, either by dehydration or ill liquidity. However, in light of said debts, the fearless editor has determined that there are going to be a few changes to the office. A strict hunkering down and flying right mission is the new cause du jour, so a significant slowdown in casino tripping, maybe a slight redesign, and fewer office card games. Personally, I'm going to get IT to give me a direct line to BetUS.com, just to get my fix in. Don't tell anyone.

In final, final, final news, our shadowy secret blogging projects are reaching fruition. More on them in the near future as I begin to declassify the documents. We're through the looking glass here, people.

Trev Alberts is a former ESPN commentator and payday loan proprietor. He sees no problem with selling instant lottery tickets next to his check-cashing services.