Week 3 Trevonics: The Q is talking to me

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Let's see if we can't get some other kind of liquid inspiration going this week. Time to take a hearty dose of the nighttime, sniffling, sneezing, I lost all my money betting on Georgia, knock you out before you pass out, medicine. Interns, wheel that scoreboard in here, and don't forget to bring the Steel Flask of Inebriation +2!

2007 Season-to-date:
Against the Spread: 18-20
Straight up: 29-9

(Standard boilerplate disclaimers apply. Gambling is wrong outside of Europe, Trevonics does not necessarily reflect official Pick'Em picks. To sign up for the Fire Mark May Pick'Em Click here.-IO)

Penn State (-34) over Buffalo (1200et Big Ten Network)
This may look like a joke line, but it is just way too low. I won't say anything more about this other than Buffalo is a bad team. Real bad.
Trev's pick: Penn State

Ohio (+20.5) over Virginia Tech (1200et ESPN360)
Ok, for the record, the Trev does not hate America. However, after one so-so performance and one outright chainsawing, I need to see that the Hokies can score three touchdowns. The whole Beamer-ball, this anemic, has me thinking they can't. Split the pick, go America.
Trev's pick: Ohio to cover, VT to win

Texas (-18) over UCF (330et ESPN2)
What a way to open up a new on-campus football stadium at a traditional commuter school! I'm pretty sure it's an unwritten arrangement that Texas gets prima nocte to beat the ever living snot out of a team in their first game.
Trev's pick: Texas

Ohio State (-4) over Washington (330et ESPN)
You're damn right I'm riding this one to hell. If Washington wins this game without a) a ladder, b) flubber,or c) some magic dog that kicks field goals, I will eat my freaking hat. I just don't see it. Even if the Huskies have some sort of new crazy talent on their roster, the Sweatervest now has 2 whole reels of 2007 game tape, and he has intricate knowledge of UW's 12 new plays. That's 12 new plays total. Never, in all my life, have I rooted for the Buckeyes this hard.
Trev's pick: Ohio State

Florida (-7.5) over Tennessee (330et CBS)
You always take the points in an SEC rivalry game. You always take the points in an SEC rivalry game. Keep repeating it, but I'm going to fall for it again. It's at The Swamp, and there's a Tebow involved.
Trev's pick: Florida

Oklahoma (-46) over Utah State (330et)
How is there a line on this? How is it on the board? I want some answers. Still, I am totally unphased because the Sooners could have covered that last week against Miami of Florida.
Trev's pick: Oklahoma

UCLA (-14) over Utah (500et)
It's time for some quick and dirty transitive property here. BYU>Utah, BYU>Utah. It could be a push at worst.
Trev's pick: UCLA

California (-33.5) over Louisiana Tech (630et)
Louisiana Tech comes off a shootout with Hawaii, and California squeaked by Colorado State. I'm really hoping California can run it up on Louisiana Tech, and, now this may be a novel idea, hold them. If they can't do that, well, I don't know what to say.
Trev's pick: California

Alabama (-3) over Arkansas (645et ESPN)
Ok, for those keeping track of these kinds of things, Arkansas is #16, and Alabama is not. Alabama is a 3 point favorite at home, which is basically a pick 'em anywhere outside of Fayetteville. You'd think all of that hype would be pumping up the the line a little bit, but I guess the Dark Lord Saban is striking fear in the hearts of gamblers everywhere. Time to get some window treatments.
Trev's pick: Alabama

Texas A&M (-23) over Louisiana Monroe (700et)
I have to believe the Aggie defense is better than what they showed against Fresno State. They come back home to College Station, now, and the Team Formerly Known as Some Kind of Indian is waiting to get the snot beat out of them. I've seen some of the Warhawks (?) this year, and they're not bad....if they're playing Tulsa. Unless they dust off the App. State playbook, no chance.
Trev's pick: Texas A&M

Oregon (-16.5) over Fresno State (700et)
Oh my! Oregon is a freaking fantasy team on offense. I mean, did you see that fake fake statue play last week? They totally flipped the bitch! No letdown here if the Ducks are the real deal. If there's any kind of trap, its for Fresno State if they can't recover from last week's OT loss.
Trev's pick: Oregon

Louisville (-6.5) over Kentucky (730et ESPN Classic)
Damn dirty Germans! I can't believe where they set this despicable line. What, you want me to take the points in some kind of 42-40 3000 yard offensive display? You think the Wildcat defense is more robust than Middle Tennesee's? JUST GIVE ME THE FREAKING ANSWER! No matter the final score, UL is one score better than UK. I'll take the "no field goals" side bet at 3:2 or better.
Trev's pick: Louisville

Louisiana State (-40.5) over Middle Tennessee State (800et)
Thus ends the gritty underdog tale of Middle Tennessee, the scrappy mid-major that could...maybe....probably?...but just can't get it together. I don't think the LSU night game defense will be very kind to the humble Blue Raiders, and if the Tigers can hang 45 on VTech, you better believe they can do it here.
Trev's pick: Louisiana State

Georgia Tech (-6.5) over Boston College (800et ESPN2)
Georgia Tech and Boston College in an ACC Game of the Season! What? You're kidding right? This is definitely not what they had in mind when they set that up. Georgia Tech has the defense to give BC fits, and they just might. I plead ignorance on the ins and outs of BC. I'm not too proud to admit that I just don't care. I'll give the edge to the home team, and sit back to watch the aggressive blitzings.
Trev's pick: Georgia Tech

Nebraska (+9.5) over Southern Cal (800et ABC)
I want to speak directly to Callahan, again, for just a few moments. CALLAHAN! If you play this game close to the vest, I will end you, and that is for serious. I'll get me one of them LSU werewolf chainsaws, hitchhike to Lincoln using only my wits, a tin of beans, and my chainsaw member, and I will cut your desk in half! You've got Southern Cal, you've got a good team, you've got them at home, at night, in front of hordes of Americans for Nebraska! Open it up! Punch that Poodle right in his smug mouth and never let him up! Of course....this falls on deaf ears, and the Trojans will narrowly escape a worthy death.
Trev's pick: Nebraska to cover, Southern Cal to win

Hawaii (-17) over UNLV (930et)
Hawaii, despite last week's struggles, is a good team. UNLV, despite last week's struggles, is still not a good team.
Trev's pick: Hawaii

Notre Dame (+8) over Michigan (330et ABC)
What a momentous occasion! I think this is the first time I'm calling one of the kid's games, and neither team is ranked! The Sarcastic Gameday is already lined up, and I want to know why the hell I wasn't invited! No matter, I'm going to kick back, relax, and watch two once-proud programs completely implode simultaneously in that pit formerly known as the Big House. If Notre Dame wins this game, and there's no telling what can happen, I move we rename that hole in Ann Arbor (Drink! -IO) "The Litter Box". Our editor is almost certifiably insane at this point. All the anticipation, reading through the meta-meta-meta-metagame of this matchup, he's been muttering to himself something about a Double D and his magic Knifewrench. Only in his dreams. I'll take the points, pray for a good game, and wish unending evil upon the skunkbears. It's a more compelling story in my opinion. Notre Dame sucking it up is not exactly a novel concept these days...sorry kid, but the truth hurts.
Trev's pick: Notre Dame

Trev Alberts is actually still on CSTV. We're just as surprised as you.