Week 4 Trevonics: MAKE PLAYS
Ah, what a scrumtrillescent course of meaty match ups for this week. Fare thee well, Central Michigan. Later, Buffalo Buffalo. It's conference play, and now the mid-major ne'er do wells take a sidestep to the majorly mediocre. Gone are the scapegoats of early season cupcakery, and entering are the Sly Weeks, the Northwesterns, Dukes, Stanfords, and Baylors et al. This is just the week to convince me that I know what I'm talking about even more than I already do! I predict total domination, just the week I need to claw back to the top of both the prognosticating world and the FireMarkMay Pick Them. Bring in that scoreboard while I shamelessly plug.
Against the Spread: 25-29-1
Straight Up: 42-13
Just look at that straight up! Whoo!
(Please phony gamble responsibly. Trev's picks do not necessarily reflect his pick'em selections, but then again, he is a lazy bastard.-IO)
Oklahoma (-23) over Tulsa (9/21 800et ESPN2)
I can't freakign wait to watch this game! A respectable punching bag for the Sooners, and Gus Malzahn's crazy offense! For those who don't know, the Golden Hurricane (do they still call it that?) offense is comprised primarily of the world's fastest no-huddle. It's Purdue's "basketball on grass" on speed. The goal is to snap the ball within 5 seconds of the ball being placed, and Gus sends in his plays using a set of flash cards like Ben Howland at UCLA basketball....but like 3 feet tall. You have to see it to believe it. The wristband numbers are almost as tall as the backup QB sending them in. Back to the game, this means that Tulsa will probably set a land speed record for three and outs. The time of possession is going to be ridiculous. Hey, Oklahoma? Did you just score? Let's just give you the ball right back. Immediately.
Trev's pick: Oklahoma
West Virginia (-24.5) over East Carolina (1200et ESPN2)
Yarr! Pirates won't be scorin' as many points as the F'n VU!
Trev's pick: West Virginia
Syracuse (+36.5) over Louisville (1200et)
Syracuse, as bad as they are, and they are, actually has some kind of an offense, unlike some teams our editor follows. Louisville's defense is basically an oxymoron at this point, and while it's not a situation where we start calling this silliness an upset special, but I don't think Syracuse has lost by 37 all year.
Trev's pick: Louisville to win, Syracuse to cover
Clemson (-7) over NC State (1200et)
Time to figure out what kind of team Clemson is. They can't play down to the Wolfpack, and need to just keep doing what they do best, run so fast that time itself reverses.
Trev's pick: Clemson
South Florida (-13.5) over North Carolina (1200et ESPN)
South Florida has beaten Auburn and the always dreaded Bye, while North Carolina...yeah, not so much. The Trev is totally pulling for the remarkably shiny green Bulls to roll up as many teams in a dominating fashion. I expect nothing less from a quarterback with a visor.
Trev's pick: South Florida
Nebraska (-22.5) over Ball St. (1230et)
Last week is behind us. Kick the crap out of the Cardinals, Callahan, I think the interns would like me to put my pants back on. That is all.
Trev's pick: Nebraska
Florida (-23) over Ole Miss (1230et)
YOYOYOYO YOOOOO YO YOOOOO YOOOO BLOWOUT! I don't care what anyone says, that meme is never getting old. Long live The Orgeron! May his reign last 1,000 years! Brett Schayfa and his Wide (?) Boys are no match for the alligator with an undetermined power tool for a member that is Florida. At least DaCoachO can recruit. Keep this situation close in mind, kid. (We're already designing "Orgeron for Irish D-line" propaganda-IO) No chance for a split pick, even in the grove.
Trev's pick: Florida
Boston College (-27.5) over Army (100et ESPN Classic)
Normally, I would chalk this up for a trap line, but I guess I need to be burned at least once by Boston College, and I'd rather get that out of my system now, against Army. I'll buy into this Matt Ryan 4 Heismanz hype, sit back, and see if they can run it up on the Black Knights. Boston College hates America.
Trev's pick: Boston College
Louisiana State (-16.5) over South Carolina (330et CBS)
This is a a noodle-scratcher. Let me scratch that itch with a gorilla chainsaw. LSU gets the benefit of the doubt to chainsaw anyone, anytime, anywhere, until proven otherwise. The 'Cock D is alright with the visor, but they were never Virginia Tech good. Tough game for the Old Ball Coach, but the Tigers are about to click clack all over his face. I still reserve the right to look like a genius in the blogpoll should he pull this one out. Double Standard!
Trev's pick: Louisiana State
Penn State (-3) over Michigan (330et ABC)
Now that Michigan has taken they're sucking aggression out on the inept Irish, they attempt to continue to right the ship, and infect more with the transitive herpes. This is probably the most likely game to end in a push, as there's a solid chance it's a classic 16-13 Big Ten snoozefest....with 750 yards of total offense from airing it out? I don't know, I'm so confused, but I'm pretty sure zombies can't contract the herpes, so they've got that going for them. Can I just root for a meteor to turn the Big House into a crater? It's already a hole.
Trev's pick: Penn State
Ohio State (-22.5) over Northwestern (330et ESPN)
Oh, you poor poor Wildcats. Getting beat on the wrong end of the Duke ugly stick and having to recover by heading into the Horseshoe of the Beast. They're like Washington with out all that talent baggage. Lucky for them, NU fans won't be harassed, safely staying in Evanston for some random women's soccer match.
Trev's pick: Ohio State
Arkansas (-6.5) over Kentucky (600et ESPN2)
I'm very torn on this one. I want to pile on to this Wildcat bandwagon because who doesn't like rooting for their brand of SEC upset? Meanwhile, I have this gut feeling that Darren McFadden is going to blow shit up. You know what I'm talking 'bout lawyas. I mean just let freaking loose all of his Alabama aggression on the poor, porous Wildcat D. Houston Nutt gets an extra dose of crazy pills if the Hogs lose this one.
Trev's pick: Arkansas
Arizona (+16) over California (600et)
Cal, I'm just not feeling it. Somehow, someway, I just freaking know you're going to get out of this one by the skin of your teeth. It feels like a PAC-10 track meet, and I haven't watched one second of these Wildcats. Damn, there's a lot of Wildcats, I can't keep track of them all. Prove me wrong, Bears. Prove me wrong.
Trev's pick: California to win, Arizona to cover
Rice (+38.5) over Texas (700et)
It's finally come to this. I'm taking the points against Texas, and they should be ashamed of themselves. They've played Arkansas State and UCF, and beat them by a combined 2 scores. Time for toughlove, Longhorns. Every time you don't cover, I'm moving you down in the Trev poll. It hurts you more than it hurts me, I'm not the one throwing these games. I think Neon Bordeaux is their starting defensive tackle. Rice is somewhere between Arkansas State and UCF, and it's technically an in-state rivalry, so they've got that going for them.
Trev's pick: Texas to win, Rice to cover
Alabama (-3.5) over Georgia (745et ESPN)
The Imperial March continues and Lord Saban prepares to mindchoke the Dawgs. We'll be watching this one on the road from the legal department's tailgating charter bus, full of mirth, booze, and hopefully for the kid, Irish victory. A wonderful appertif to the day, two crazed SEC teams beating the everliving snot out of each other.
Trev's pick: Alabama
Wisconsin (-7.5) over Iowa (800et ABC)
Wisconsin faces their first real challenge of the year, and I say that with all due respect to The Citadel. Whither Iowa? There was once a time where they weren't two scores worse than the Badgers.
Trev's pick: Wisconsin
Southern Cal (-24.5) over Washington State (800et ABC)
Just to spite me, the Trojans are going to go back to playing Uncle Milty until a real challenger steps up to the plate. I'm still betting hard on them trying to strike fear into the hearts of all PAC-10 opponents with a complete shellacking of the Cougars.
Trev's pick: Southern Cal
Oregon (-16.5) over Stanford (1000et)
Jim Harbaugh bows down to no man! And that's a good thing, because he's going to get bent over on this one. That line is much too low for what looks to be nothing short of a blowout on paper.
Trev's pick: Oregon
Notre Dame (+12) over Michigan State (330et NBC)
I'm starting to get really worried about the kid here. He's malaise-ed, he's morose, and he's downright melancholy. If he drinks himself into a coma, how can I make fun of him? Well, the first few weeks would be great, posing for stupid pictures and whatnot, then I'd use him to create living dioramas of historic events, but then what? Besides, who else is going to run all my internet tubes and contain all the small fires I seem to start? There is no reason, not one single reason to be picking Notre Dame in this game. They are by far the worst assembled football team in the modern era. At least Duke can block, at least Baylor can score an offensive touchdown, and at least Buffalo, effing Buffalo, the Buffalo Buffalo, can score 24 at Penn State. Unreal. We're setting the Valenti meter to a nice Orange-Red, I believe it's Tangelo, and shouting a big MAKE PLAYS to the Fighting Irish.
Trev's pick: Notre Dame
Trev Alberts is a former ESPN flamethrower. He got those old wrinkled asses out of their seats and up into the air.