Game over, man, GAME OVER!

By ESPN Mobile Guy
hopefully of ESPN.com

The writing's on the wall, friends. Merrill Lynch is suggesting that ESPN pull the plug on my dreams! (Thanks a lot, Deadspin.) These ESPN Mobile ads were going to be my ticket to the Big Show. Now, maybe I can swing a guest spot on "I Love 2006" in a few years. I freaking hate VH1!

Poochy the Rocking Dog is currently head of ESPN marketing.

I should have seen this coming. It was a classic ESPN screwjob from the start. First, the endless hype. I think the thing had its own freaking Super Bowl ad. Next, it came out at like, what, $300? The service wasn't any better than ESPN.com, and you had to buy a new phone plan. I can't even figure out my current phone plan , let alone how to get out of it! Then, the endless pimping of the phone by Sportscenter and the various ESPN celebrities like Peter Gammons and the always annoying Trey Wingo.

This phone was the Poochy the Rocking Dog of ESPN. There I said it. It was designed by some suits in a lab somewhere, trying to extract synergy from the coveted male 18-39 demographic. Hey! These guys love sports stats and stuff, right? Let's make them pay for stuff they already have, but we'll make it look like ESPN! That's what they really want! Hell, we'll tell them what they want!

Sorry, I got away from myself there. I'm just kind of out of it, you know? I mean, what's next for ESPN Mobile Guy when there is no ESPN Mobile? This was going to be my shot at the Big Show, but now I have to downgrade my stalking hobby to a stalking interest. COME ON!

ESPN Mobile Guy is still stalking while the stalkings good. He is running out of time.