Hot Seat: War Eagle

By The Budweiser Hot Seat
ESPN.com

Good day, loyal readers. I will have you know that I survived the recent shenanigans that have taken over the office over these past two weeks, and I would like this time to thank my lucky stars for Trev placing me in the supply closet long before the ND-Michigan fiasco. There, huddled between the vast, vast stores of unsold merchandise, I was given refuge from the unbridled chaos that engulfed the office. I was finally rescued by Irishoutsider earlier this week, as he has a very special interview lined up for me.

So, let us waste very little time in introducing today's guest. Tonight's showdown between the Auburn Tigers and the South Carolina Gamecocks turns the national spotlight once again on him, a relative dignitary in his own right, and steeped in Southern tradition, one of college football's most famous ambassadors. Mere mention of his name rouses great emotions in both friend and foe alike, and invokes the spirit of Auburn football. Gentlemen and few ladies, I give you, WAR EAGLE!

Gracious and noble, War Eagle soars into our office for a brief meeting and complementary grubs.

SCREEEEEEEECH!

Thank you so much for stopping by on your way to Columbia, War Eagle. It is an honor as always to have you with us.

SCREEEEECH! SCREEEEEEEECH!

You are a humble soul indeed, good sir. Very well, I know you are a busy man, so I will be direct if I may. How do you think the Tigers will fare this season? Is the National Championship in the cards for Coach Tuberville and his band of hard-nosed gentlemen gladiators?

SCREECH! SCREECH! SCREECH! SCREECH!SCREECH! SCREEEEEECH!

Yes, a confident proclamation if there ever was one. I don't think we can't print that last bit there about relocating the AP voters heads and, ahem, backsides, but I think you posit a convincing argument on the merits of your program over their peers in the top 5. Such a flowery stream of expletives is natural for one so in love with their Alma mater. If I could just ask one more question before you go, could we trouble you for a prediction for tonight's match?

SRCEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!

An emphatic huzzah, I would expect nothing less. You heard it here first, dear readers. Straight from the eagle's very craw, Auburn 27-South Carolina 0. I would give a you a heartier good day, but our guest seems to be attempting to make away with the Muppet Newscaster's hairpiece, and my assistance is needed.

Until next time, I am the Hot Seat.

The Budweiser Hot Seat is an associate professor of ethics in journalism. He is his own chair.