Week 8 Rundown

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

AWWWW HORSEHOCKEY! I have failed to properly smite the non-believers with the word of Me this week. No excuses....ok plenty of excuses. I need to tell the Germans something to get them off of my back, so let's just get this scoreboard out of the way.

Week 8 Totals-
SU: 6-4
ATS: 4-6

Season-to-date-
SU: 51-18
ATS: 39-28-1

A lame .570 record ATS. It is what it is, folks, and I aims to fix it. Hammertime, break it down, now.

West Virginia 37-Connecticut 11
A game never in doubt from the get go. Ok, maybe the spread was going to get a little interesting, but by halftime, everything went to plan as predicted. The Big East standoff continues, as West Virginia gets through another tuneup. Despite the score, the Huskies are looking like an actual football team, and good for them.

Wisconsin 24-Purdue 3
Wisconsin could actually get a share of the Big Ten title, as I don't see how Illinois, Zombie State, and Iowa can get anything past these guys. Of course, the Badgers miss Ohio State this year, creating the traditional split-Ten championship. If I recall the tie-breakers in this situation are: 1. Number of "winged helmets" 2. Athletic Dept. budget and then 3. lowest football graduation rate. Not good for Wisky, but always good for teams that love to lose the Rose Bowl.

Texas 22-Nebraska 20
Man, I was THIS close to going on a Lincoln-sized bender. THIS CLOSE. A noble effort by the Huskers and a thorough eye-opener for Texas if you ask me. I can't wait for the inevitable Big XII title game. Maybe Nebraska can return the favor and knock the 'Horns out of the picture. A great game enjoyed by all, but mainly Texas fans and my liver.

Michigan 20-Iowa 6
The honorary "Duh." game of the week. Iowa, demoralized in their Indiana trap game, go into a frothing Big House to get pwned by the Michigan front seven. Game. Set. Match. Cover. ESPN is already showing highlights of the Michigan/Ohio State game. I don't want to know how they managed to do this. Maybe its just fawning practice for the Gameday guys.

Tennessee 16-Alabama 13
Take the points in an SEC rivalry. Take the points in an SEC rivalry. TAKE THE POINTS! My hubris failed, and apparently so did Coach Cutliffe's. Alabama, a week separated from making the Orgeron's O look respectable, put the clamps on the Vols in Neyland, so high-fives for that. This doesn't unthreaten my legs from the German sports bookies.

Boston College 24-Florida State 19
I still refure to believe this happened, although I should have seen it coming. I've hung around the kid long enough to know that Boston College loves it when you bring out the gimmick jerseys against them. It feeds right into their "no one gives us any respect so people changing stuff for us really pisses us off" mentality. Florida State's "Blackout" uniforms, while opening the door to truckloads of unprintable comedy, look kind of cool. Too bad they weren't in vogue say....ten years ago? Florida State, fast becoming a team relying on such tricks to get up for games.

Rutgers 20-Pittsburgh 10
Holy Schnikes, Rutgers. Way to remind me to never bet on the Wannstache under ANY circumstances. It's all just a head fake, a hypnotizing from his permanently stunted half-stache. Stare into it's wonderous bristles and be amazed! The West Virginia and Louisville matchups keep getting more and more inriguing. I have to think the underrated undefeated can take on at least one of the overrated undefeateds.

Clemson 31-Georgia Tech 7
Georgia Tech, welcome back. We missed you so much. This game single-handedly stopped their ACC hype, established Clemson as the team to beat (CLEMSON?!?), and relegated Calvin Johnson to the Larry Johnson Memorial pity chair at the Heisman ceremony. Reggie Ball loses the coin flip and goes 12-25 with at least 7 of those misses having Chan Gailey listed as the intended receiver. A complete expose in all phases of the game and Brock Spack points for coordinator-du-jour Tenuta.

LSU 38-Fresno State 6
A hook, a simple hook, keeps me from going .500 this week. LSU, Fresno was the team you thought they were! And you let them off the hook! Since when were the Tigers merciful? Stupid, stupid hook. I wanted a snuff film, and all I got was a lame Japanese ripoff flick.

Notre Dame 20-UCLA 17
This game is exactly why our editor does not gamble on his Irish. Quite possibly one of the most phenomenal ND finishes in quite some time, maybe even ever, and it could have been even the slightest bit sullied by the fact that it was a losing bet. I understand where he's coming from on this. He's still a proper sissy, but we'll let this one slide. I won't say much more about this game that hasn't already been hyperboled one way or the other, but I will mention that ND's line play is looking very, very average and that UCLA's defense may be more than just some twisted stats.

Ok, I'm hearing some crazy noises coming from the kid's office. There is definitely something afoot. I hope he's distracting my many creditors.

Trev Alberts has several unmarked Swiss bank accounts. His bookies may not recognize their neutrality.