UF/AU: Trev-o-vision 2nd Quarter

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

And we're back. An internet how-do to our 3 readers right now, including the gentlemen from Coro, Falcon....wherever the hell that is. Kid, get me some reference on where the hell that is, and it better not be France.

14:17-Ridiculous circus catch that has the staff agape by its ridonkulosity. The Gator offense celebrates its "raging clue" in the endzone, and we've got 10-3 Florida.

This Michigan-Penn State game is blinding in the HiDef...so much white. No notion of Zombie Nation yet. Checking ESPN.com...ASU is already on it's way to disappointing the hell out of me...again.

14:01-HOUSE! HOUSE!!! COME ON! Auburn takes the kick into Florida territory...and Cox has immediately become intimate with the Florida pass rush.

13:19-Brian from HRB: "Can we go switch to Colin Cowherd fellating Urban Meyer?"

11:49-Brandon Cox may be carrying the Florida D-line's babies by the time this one's over. If you have any questions, we can send you a pamphlet.

10:39-Let's look at the tape on this...yep, Auburn fumbles on the Florida 7. That sucks. The safety dance is being queued up...and they've called holding in the endzone!!!! You can dance if you want to, you can leave your friends behind... I am so glad we hired that midget last week. 10-5 Florida.

10:14-Urban Meyer drinking game: Drink when he points, whether in anger or approval or just in general. Please drink responsibly. Don't drink and drive. For more drinking rule fun, Holly Rowe=drink. Anyone sarcastically referring the lovely and talented sideline reporter as attractive must finish their drink.

8:40-I, for one, cannot wait for the Madden version of video Kenny Irons.

6:37-Auburn is in the redzone, and the follwing play calls have been suggested by the room: 1. Draw 2. BEHOLD THE SLANT 3. Jailbreak Screen 4. give the ball to Irons.

5:07-At the rate this game is going, how are any of us going to manage to get our proper drink on? In other news, Brandon Cox is throughly frightened of being butt-pwned....Auburn settles for 3. 10-8 Gators.

4:58-Can we get an ESPN "Primetime Pulse" channel? I think I would pay at least $2 for this.

4:16-REALLY?!?! Percy Harvin? REALLY!?!? The boy is teflon. That was a broken play for a loss of 3, but now the Gators are on the Tiger 20. First play from scrimmage, the Tim Tebow show. Oh, he's running? Even I know he's running! COME ON! Too easy for the Gators as Timmy walks in for the score. 17-8 Florida.

God bless Tivo! Miami (FL) gets in an all-out melee with Florida International. Un-freaking-believable. We've got an FIU player kicking a Hurricane lineman in the helmet, like that would do anything, and we've got it in glorious slo-mo. Way to keep it real, Miami.

1:25-Auburn in the redzone again. Time to pull out the "hesitant Cox" playbook.

1:05-The interns are calling for Tuberville's head. Cox should be doing 3 step drops and beholding the slant. Auburn lines up for yet another field goal, 17-11 Florida. Wow. No disrespect to the Florida front 7. They are in that QB's head.

End of half-Florida doesn't even have to take the knee, and we're in for the half at 17-11. Flipping over to the Michigan game, only the soothing maltiness of the hops and barley can dull the blinding glow of those yellow (sorry...maize) hot pants. Oh, Musberger and Davie on the game too? That's just super.

See you all in the third. I need to go reload.