Week 11 Rundown
What a pleasantly surprising upset weekend! Louisville? DEAD! Auburn? DEAD! California? DEAD! Texas?
Wait? Did Texas play this week? I totally forgot about that. Normally, I only pick the nationally televised games, and I completely missed ABC covering the Texas-KState night game. Good for me, as I would have likely have picked Texas in a walk...but the Longhorn fans probably wanted me to pick against them. I guess I'll take full responsibility for this. I'm sure you're all looking for a scapegoat right about now. Scoreboard, hide me!
Week 11 Results:
Straight Up: 9-3
Against the Spread: 8-3-1
Straight Up: 76-27
Against the Spread: 57-43-2
Clawing and scraping my way back to respectability. Thank you Kansas State for being so easily overlooked. I think USC, Florida, Notre Dame, Arkansas, and Rutgers share these sentiments as well.
West Virginia 42-Cincinnati 24
A push, a lowly push. That's like kissing your sister. I will now avoid taking the cheap shot at West Virginia. See how I did that? Classy. Cincinnati firmly entrenches itself in the "we could be a good football team, someday" column along with UCONN and USF. Let's hear it for the Big East.
Wisconsin 24-Iowa 21
Wisconsin, the littlest #9 team that could. I'm sure there's at least a handful of faithful Badgers fans trying to concoct a scenario that gets them to BCS #3 at the end of the day, because that's probably the only way they're getting to the BCS. Please direct all complaints to Western Illinois, San Diego State, and Buffalo. I have a feeling the computers will be liking the SOS not so much after Wisconsin tromps on the Washington Generals of NCAA for their 11th win.
Ohio State 54 -Northwestern 10
Northwestern avoided all of my suggestions for beating the Buckeyes. They cut the golden retriever I sent them, told the ghost to take a hike, and reported all of my flubber to the proper authorities. They ditched all of my genius ideas and went with...black pants. How'd those work out for you Northwestern? The black pants? Hmm? Yeah, I thought so. Never turn down flubber. EVER.
Michigan 34-Indiana 3
Ok. I mayy have gotten a little bit excited over the Hoosiers last week. I apologize, but my vision was clouded by the kid's unstoppable hatred for all things meatchicken. Between that and the season IU has been cobbling together this year, we were all believing in miracles. Well, reality sunk in, and Indiana couldn't even scrape together a decent cover. I had so much hope, but it is hard to score when you get 1 yard a rush and 3 yards a pass. The double trap fails, and TEH GAME OF TEH CENTURY1!!!1!! is on.
Florida 17-South Carolina 16
Orson's take says it all: COCKBLOCKED. As if this weekend wasn't crazy enough for the 1-loss types, Florida came *THIS* close to joining the ranks of the also-rans. It's ok though, they only care about SEC championships down there anyway. Props to the visor for keeping the gunknife in check. Is the Florida State-Florida game relevant yet? I know our editor has added the Seminoles to his list of necessary evils.
Maryland 14-Miami (FL) 13
Well, I'm not going to stick my foot in my mouth any more than I already did on this one. Maryland wins, and Miami (FL) is still struggling. This could get a lot worse before it gets better.
Nebraska 28-Texas A&M 27
Huskers. Yes. See you in KC, Longhorns. I don't think this is how y'all wanted to get to Arizona, though.
Arizona 24-California 20
WHA!?!?! How the? Who the? You gotta be freaking kidding me, California! Of all the trappiest trap games that ever trapped, you had to go and drop one to the Wildcats. This was not in the cards at all. Now? Well now, I've got the kid locked in his office, doing BCS math over and over and over. That's just great. I have to listen to his Irish homering for two weeks, as if the ND-USC game wasn't already driving everyone crazy. He re-rigged my LOST button to a countdown to 11/25. Between this and the newly renovated "Big Board," the entire office knows exactly how long it is until the kid goes to LA. He may never come back, you know this.
Arkansas 31-Tennessee 14
The Arkansas mascot as been officially renamed the Mcfadden. The 'Hogs RB did his best Boobie Miles impression, grabbing 181 yds on 30 carries for 2 TDs. AND HE CAN PASS! 1/1 for a 12-yd TD. Seriously, that play never works. I've tried it like 50 times on Xbox, and I can never get the throw off, yet I hit the button every time! Arkansas is locked into a title fight with Florida at the Georgia Dome, but LSU is ready to punch them in the mouth just for fun, because that's what LSU does.
LSU 28-Alabama 14
'Bama survives Death Valley with most of their remaining gazelle limbs in tact. The Tigers swatted them around a bit, had a few bites of the weaker members of the herd, and then proceeded to grab a comfy chair for Shark Week. Shark Week in this instance being next week's Arkansas game. Alabama moves on to play Auburn for bowl eligibility, but those Tigers have been surprised enough this season.
Wake Forest 30-Florida State 0
Florida State, you didn't manage to score a single point. Not a sausage. Bugger all. A thoroughly polite dustup by the Demon Deacons as they inch ever closer to the ACC title game. Maybe the Seminoles should bring out their "undefeated" green jerseys for the Florida game. Something. Anything. The kid is willing to send you guys flubber, and that says a lot.
Notre Dame 39-Air Force 17
Sure, I didn't know that ND's QB was Brady Quinn and not Tom Brady, and of course, their ridiculously good TE's name is John Carlson, not John Carlton. But, you've got to cut me some slack, guys. For the 5% that actually receive CSTV as part of you digital television subscriptions, you know that that broadcast was absolute clown shoes. I've seen high-school games with more cameras, and Bloo has made better cuts on his iBook. Poor effort all around, really. So, can you blame me when my game notes were written on crackers? For everyone who's name I mangled, and for every equally mangled shot, I apologize on behalf of Sprinkles, our technical director, Mr. Giggles, our assistant producer, and nobody, my completely missing production assistant.
Trev Alberts would like to apologize one more time for overlooking the Texas-KState game. In his defense, Texas overlooked it too.