Week 12 Trevonics

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

I will have you all know that I am not, in fact, a lightweight. I was hypnotized by the sultry allure of the Wannstache, and no sooner did I think that Pitt had a chance last night against WVU did I pass out on the couch. The rest is history. Oh, and I did trip out on some Sparks malt flavored beverage, but that was for vision quest purposes! I'm here, a little late, but I'm ready to tackle the epic slate of Week 12: The Bloodening. Scoreboard, ho!

Season-to-date:
Straight Up: 76-27
Against the Spread: 57-43-2

Not bad, if I can say so myself, and I certainly will! Just a heads up, I'm going to save THE BIG GAMES for the end...right before I pick Notre Dame over Army...

Maryland (+8) at Boston College 1100et (ESPN)
One of the more appealing morning offerings in the past few weeks. I plan on getting thoroughly unsobered in preparation for the afternoon apocalypse, and BC crapping the bed sounds like a wonderful start to my day. Mimosas, Bloody Marys, and various other fruity drinks for everyone! It's perfectly ok to drink girlier drinks as long as the sun is up. Perfectly acceptable and they help ease the transition into straight binge drinking. Back to the game, obligatory Fear the Turtle! (We would like to remind everyone to enjoy football alcohol responsibly. I wish some of our guys would.-IO)
Trev's pick: Maryland

Auburn (-3) at Alabama 334et (CBS)
I will never learn my lesson about taking the points in SEC games, and I blame you, Alabama! Why do you have to make it so hard? I don't care if you're at home, and I don't care if you've got nothing to lose. Both of those statements are probably just plain wrong. On the one hand, you do have a game to lose, and on the other, I think the mob has turned against Mike Shula. This may be one of those "I hope Auburn kicks our ass" games for the fans. But, what do I know? I still don't know why it's called the Iron Bowl.
Trev's pick: Auburn

Wake Forest (pick) vs Virginia Tech 700et (ESPN2)
Wake Forest, you darling little ACC would-be Cinderellas, playing for your ACC title hopes and a trip to scenic Miami. Virginia Tech is in the Deacons way, and I don't see the Hokies having anough offense to over come this shockingly good Wake Forest D. There's really not much left to say other than VT is going to be realllly wishing this game was in Blacksburg by around the middle of the 2nd quarter.
Trev's pick:Wake Forest

Cincinnati (+6.5) vs. Rutgers 745et (ESPN)
Yeah, I'm not buying all of this Rutgers guff. Does that make me the bad guy? Fine! See if I care! I'm not worried about any stereotypical New Jersey street toughs walking in here and pushing me around. I've watched "The Sopranos." I've got a ringer on the intern staff trained in the martial arts, not even the kid knows which one I've got on the take. Come in and try it, guys! My guy will kung-fu you silly! Now, go try and get that smoke and mirrors act going against Cincy. They've had they're spoiler shoes on for weeks now, and I see them as the angry, blood-lusty type of spoiler.
Trev's pick: Cincinnati

Southern Cal (-5.5) vs. California 800et (ESPN)
There's a lot of jinxing, reverse-jinxing, reverse-reverse-jinxing, going on around the office today. Our editor would love a Southern Cal victory, making an Irish victory in LA all the more appealing, but I'm going to stick with my guns on this one. Cal is the new Oregon, and this is a game the new Oregon loses. You could call this the double trap for a Trojan team looking forward to Notre Dame, but this is still for the PAC-10 title. While I would love to see SC in the Emerald Bowl this year, the pick still stands.
Trev's pick: Southern Cal

Michigan (+7) at Ohio State 330et (ABC)
Batten down the hatches. Alert the proper authorities. Hide the women and the children. This one is going to get downright ugly anyone. I don't think the final score is going to even matter. No other fanbase has embraced the nasty image like the Buckeyes have, and now here they are, against their bitterest rival in the biggest game of the year. Whether the post-game celebrations are mournful or jubilant, this is going to be very ugly. Again, I ask everyone in the state of Ohio who does not have tickets to this game to please seek refuge in the lesser populated areas of eastern Indiana and western Pennsylvania. Breaking down the numbers, I've taken the teams' various statistical strengths and weaknesses, adjusted for various schedule biases, tweaked the weather coefficient by a factor of pi, and threw darts at a picture of Ted Ginn Sr. I've still got no clue how this one will shake out, so I'll split it, taking the points and picking the home team to win. How's that for your reverse jinxing!
Trev's pick: Ohio State to win, Michigan to cover, Columbus to burn.

Notre Dame (-28.5) vs. Army 230et (NBC)
Why does Notre Dame hate America? I guess there are worse opponents you could add as your 12th game, Florida, I'm looking at you, but you have to give the Irish credit for the appearance of making this classy. Ignoring the names on the jerseys for a second, the Irish will not make this look classy at all. Although they've been killing me on the spread all year, I just don't know how a service academy can score without the option. It's like against nature or something. Go America, I hope you cover, but if you pulled the upset, there may be murder-suicides. No one wants to see that, so maybe the University of Army should lay this one down.
Trev's pick: Notre Dame

Trev Alberts is a former ESPN prognosticator. He is easily hypnotized.