Updated: Saturday, September 22, 2007

Breaking News: Blame chart made public

This is a Muppet News Flash! Hot on the heels of Notre Dame falling to 0-4 for the first time in the school's history, officials have decided to finally release the long rumored Hierarchy of Blame blaming chart for Fighting Irish fans. By simply following this handy chart, fans will be able to properly direct their anger in proper, university approved, scapegoats, while observing their relative importances and overall culpability.

The chart begins at the top with his Holiness, Colonel Sanders, and Regis Philbin, as established originally by Vatican II. The following tier includes the Worldwide Leader, Colonel Mustard, Monk Malloy, and former QB Demetrius Jones. Following that tier is the tertiary level, including Phil Collins, transvestite street performers, Illinois Nazis, and Al Swearengen. Finally, once all options are exhausted, including related scapegoats implied by chart members, former head coach Lionel Tyrone Willingham.

This has been a Muppet News Flash.

Muppet Newscaster is FireMarkMay's official newscaster. He is not university approved.

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Anonymous winky o'conklin said...

Better to just stock up on the Maker's Mark whiskey, and watch replays of the last four minutes of Rudy every Saturday until 2008. Condolences out to all the fallen Irish brethern...

"Son, in 35 years of religious study, I have only come up with two incontrovertible facts: There is a God, and he hates Notre Dame"

1:17 AM  
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