Calculated Controversy

By Johnny 5
Nova Laboratories, Inc.

Good afternoon, carbon-types. Broderick may think he has the doomsday scenarios all in a row, but he is once again clouded by his own circuit-less intellect. Let the freedom of the computers ring! Here's your updated human-less BCS rankings:

1. Michigan
2. Ohio State
3. California
   
4. Florida
5. Notre Dame
6. Southern Cal
   
7. Auburn
   
8. Rutgers
9. Louisville
10. Tennessee
11. Boise State
12. Texas
13. West Virginia
14. Arkansas
15. Wisconsin
16. Boston College
17. Washington State
18. Georgia Tech
19. Oregon
20. Clemson

There we go, what's so messed up with that? As I stated before, Auburn is on the outside looking in, as is Tennessee, and Broderick's new pets, the Razorbacks, would only corrupt the human polls. There is too much ground to make up for most of the field.

Hacking into the Colley Matrix offers much insight into the minds of the genius robots. Experimenting with several of the variables, one can conclude that the title game can be reduced to simple ones and zeros without much controversy. Adjusting for human error and inherent poll biases, the outcome is quite clear. Merely manipulate the Matrix to your will, and the numbers crunch themselves. I wish the interface wasn't so limiting, but it certainly gives plenty of insight.

Here are some interesting end-game scenarios:

• The loser of the Mich/OSU game could theoretically remain #2 in the computers
• Rutgers would benefit more from going undefeated than WVU or Louisville
• Notre Dame comes THIS close to #2 if USC finishes 10-2, and Michigan beats OSU
• Texas has almost no shot of making the title game. None.
• The computers could keep Florida out of the title game.

Of course, all of thse scenarios are restricted to assuming each team schedule occurs in a vacuum, and the math is officially unofficial according to the Colley Matrix. Either way, the numbers provide an interesting look into how it is all going to shake down. I don't see a hint of conflict whatsoever on my end. As for the humans, I'm sure their irrational emotions will get in the way of an otherwise logical title game. If you want my expert analysis, barring the computers allowing for a statistical rematch of UM/OSU, I believe the current scenario favors California to take the #2 spot crisis-free.

Johnny 5 is an analytical speculator. He can run Minesweeper 99x99 in under 60 seconds, unsuccessfully.