Updated: Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Final Chapter!

Where is everyone? Interns? Trev? Anyone? Am I all alone?

It's all mine....


At long last, the time has come for me to reveal my most nefarious ploy to topple the BCS! After weeks and weeks of careful plotting, my malevolent Wheel of Death is poised to unleash its most deadly fighting technique. Henchmen! Wheel outward the WHEEL!


Now, foolish college football plebeians, feast your eyes on the final cog in this spinning tempest of whiz-bang, intellectual evil! My final dagger to the heart of the BCS sytem, THE FIGHTING IRISH!

You didn't see that one coming at all, did you! With a victory over Southern California this Saturday, the pieces will finally be in place for complete and utter chaos. Computers will come crashing down, conferences will crumble, and the lucrative spoils of sponsorship will all be mine. Mine, I say! Broderick West Quinnsington the Fourth will not be stopped in his pursuits!

Consider for a moment the mind-melting madness of the logical fallacies wedged into the system:
  • Notre Dame and Michigan would be all but tied in the BCS rankings save for the human polls.
  • The conferences band together to ensure that the Big Ten does not dominate the title game with their redundant OSU/UM rematch.
  • The Irish overtake Michigan by the SLIMMEST of political margins, spurning pundits and prognosticators alike in the process!
  • No one is given satisfaction! Notre Dame haters unite in the name of justice, only to inevitably reward a bitter foe!
Surely, Notre Dame cannot pass up Michigan, for the Wolverines already handled them handily. But, alas, didn't THE Ohio State University handle the skunkbears as handily? A conundrum of the highest order! Why should the Buckeyes face their bitter rivals twice? And what of the SEC champion? Surely, their one-loss champeen could overcome the national allure of a Notre Dame title contention....pause. NOT! It all falls to the whims of the imperfect human pollsters, revealing their personal biases and bearing all of their innermost demons! The money of the BCS corrupts absolutely! I, already being thoroughly corrupted, will be able to step in and swipe the riches under the noses of the bickering boosters!


This doesn't even open the door to the possibility of the equally evil AP crowning their own champion and splitting the title in twain! My mischievous smile turns into a sinister grin at the mere mention of it!

I'm off to the LA Coliseum, internet cohorts! I think I might steal that infernal horse while I'm out there, too....

Broderick West Quinnsington IV is an interminable charlatan. He once swindled his way into Parliament using only a German mark and a tubular sock.



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