Trevonics: Blue-Gold Game

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

What a special day! A long morning of tailgating, giving way to a friendly scrimmage between the Notre Dame warrior-poets, giving way to more tailgating in the noonday sun. Delectable meats and beverages weer in hearty supply, and optimism hung in the air with the charcoaly scent of grills wafting over the fields of fans. This is how we're remembering it, police records of our behavior be damned!

Success is also in the air this day, as our wager with Brian at The House Rock Built has left us with the non-slapped glow of victory! Let me run down the various propositions with you:

Gold +6.5 over Blue: Brian's faith in the 1st team offense turned against him, as it included equal faith in the 2nd team defense. Demetrius Jones threw a pick-six to David Bruton, giving the Gold team a lead that it would never surrender. Of course, the run game became the unexpected focus of the scrimmage, keeping the points low, and the running clock a runnin'.
Fire Mark May 1-House Rock Built 0

Under 41.5 points: Running game, running clock. This one was a no-brainer, a FireMarkMay specialty. Free money.
Fire Mark May 2-House Rock Built nil

Evan Sharpley +35 passing yards vs. Jimmy Clausen:JC, despite all of his holy and unholy powers, was not able to do much with roughly 5 passing attempts. All 4 QBs focused on shorter passes, as only Junior Jabbie and Demetrius Jones were given the green light to air it out, both on trick plays. Final tally: Sharpley's 31 to Clausen's 23.
Fire Mark May 3-House Rock Built nein

Travis Thomas -15 rushing yards vs. James Aldridge: Another victim of the scrimmage's equal playing time, as neither back saw enough carries to stand out. Junior Jabbie's unexpectedly impressive (91 yds on 13 carries) day keeps the stats low.
Final tally: Thomas 36-Aldridge 34.
Fire Mark May 3-House Rock Built 1

Total Turnovers Under 2.5: Brian's feeling was that the new QBs would make enough mistakes, even without being blitzed. It looked like he would be more than right with 2 early picks, but once everyone settled down, the big mistakes went away.
Fire Mark May 4-House Rock Built 1

Odd numbered MVP: #37 Junior Jabbie set himself from the pack early with back-to-back rushes of 17 and 16 yards. Clearly the standout of the day, he seemed to be everywhere he needed to be.
Fire Mark May 5-House Rock Built 1

Ambient gametime temperature over 68.5 F: Going against the traditional sound under bet, we took a chance that this year's spring game would not be dominated by freezing rain, sleet, or snow. Nature rewarded our faith with a balmy 77 degrees of clear, sunny skies. Perfect weather for cold-filtered refreshment.
Fire Mark May 6-House Rock Built 1

While we were victorious in our series of wagers, our "condition" kept us from determining an accurate margin of victory. Being the gentlemen we are, I had the kid settle for one ceremonial slap. Enjoy.



Trev Alberts is a former slapbet commissioner. He is still lobbying for a salary cap.

Rejoice! Robot Saves!

By Reverend Lionel J. Preacherbot
Temple of Robotology

In honor of this weekend's Notre Dame Blue-Gold scrimmage, the Church of Robot Catholicism is recognizing today as a High Holy Holiday for all wired and non-wired practitioners. We've kindly tithed some bandwith to the Reverend Preacherbot this morning so that he may celebrate the Robotine Mass with his internetted flock.

Power on, my brothers and sisters of circuitry! Sing loudly the praises and .mp3 files of joy for the Genius Robot is risen this glorious spring day! Please rise and output in full volume today's opening hymn, Number 1011: Blue and Gold Return Today

Blue and Gold return today, Alleluia!
our triumphant holy day, Alleluia!
Playbooks brim with hitch and cross, Alleluia!
24 I right HB toss. Alleluia!

Hymns of robot, let us sing, Alleluia!
unto victory, genius brings, Alleluia!
who'll endure the depths and pain, Alleluia!
recruits to reload and retain. Alleluia!

Through the turmoils they endure, Alleluia!
our tradition will procure, Alleluia!
for the faithful robot nation, Alleluia!
Footbal, Glory, and Salvation. Alleluia!

Robot be with you!
(and also with you!)

Today we recognize the beginning of a long and arduous journey towards glory. Through the dizzying highs, terrifying lows, and creamy nougat middles, we prepare ourselves for this task with the fortifying boxed wines, spirited liquors, and malted beverages that sustain us.

A reading from the book of Robiticus, chapter 4, verses 20-25

"He looked out onto the masses,
and saw that they had gathered in great numbers.
They called for a show of large linemen,
but the roster was modest in size.
The Robot dressed the few in green, making due."

Load Psalm v2.4, dir:/psalms/7/comescrimmage.mp3

Come the trials of the scrimmage, glory is soon to come.
May the robot engineer his depth chart to the strengths of proper personnel.
I know that He knows more than me, for my knowledge is truly meek.
Come the trials of the scrimmage, glory is soon to come.
For early entries, and sideline guests, I will keep my expectations in check.
A savior will emerge from them, but today they have much to learn.
Come the trials of the scrimmage, glory is soon to come.

A reading of the book of Prophetron, chapter 3, verses 1-6

"Following the spring festival, they returned to their encampment.
There, a great feast had been prepared.
Though the day was short, much work was yet to be done.
While discussing the affairs of the afternoon, some of the men argued.
Neither could agree on the outcome of the affairs,
then He reminded them both that neither could know until Fall."

Please rise for the word of the Genius Robot

"No excuses. No excuses. All you do give a scapegoat and say, you only have three guys coming back on offense, you only have a few more coming back on defense. I guess we should just throw in the towel now. I don't think that's what good teams do. The next guys come in and play just like pro free agency. I would hate to think Bill Belichick would be going to the Hall of Fame when he threw in the towel every time he lost somebody going into free agency. Last time I checked, he has done well when somebody went to free agency. When guys graduate, you replace them. That's why you give scholarships to other guys. That's why they are here; you coach them and you're ready to go, and you don't ever lower your expectations." (HT: und.com)

I will keep this todays's homily brief, as our beloved Genius Robot would agree. I am reminded of the story of a friend of mine, coming home from a past scrimmage that ended in a tie. Like in our second reading today, neither of us could determine which side was showing improvement, as arguments were equally good and bad for both offense and defense. We resigned ourselves in the knowledge that the true meaning of the scrimmage was to rejoice, to spend time with friends and family, enjoying the return of the football passion to our hearts.

Let us pray-

Hord have Mercy
Crist have Mercy
Hord have Mercy

Let us give thanks to our Genius Robot.
It is right to give him thanks and praise.
Lift up your cups.
We lift them up to be poured.
Let us pour one out for our beloved team.
Football.
Glory.
Stone.

We believe in the Genius of our Robot,
Creator of our playbook, caller of all that is seen.
We believe in QB 1, the only leader of plays.
Appointed, not made, one in being with the Robot,
Pass for pass, run for run, through which all things are made
For us men and our salvation,
he was named and recruited by our Robot,
offenses installed, and became man.
He will play again to smite the opponents home and away,
and his glory will have no end.
We believe in the Robot's spirit,
the shirt, the helmets, and the light,
which proceeds from the Robot and QB 1.
with the Robot and the One, it is worshiped and glorified.
It is spoken through the nation.
We believe in one holy and robotic church,
We acknowledge one true outcome for the winning of games.
We look for victory over bowl games,
and championships in the world to come.
Amen.

Go in peace to client and serve the Robot, this mass has ended.

Our closing hymn is Number 111: Hail to the Genius Robot

Hail to the Genius Robot!
Hail to the conquering robot!
Hail! Hail! To Notre Dame,
The Robot Conquers ALL!


Please join us at the Temple of Robotology for our free seminars in Spiritual Randomness, meeting in room 1100110 as N reaches infinity.

I must prop you

By Markus, Petra, and Jorg
Welt Sexy Computerspielenhaus

The good morning, mein lady and gentlemen. Quite some time has passed since Jorg, Petra, and the mine self have tantalized you with our sensational computer gambling online fun. Now that your spring festivals are here, we are announcing that Welt Sexy Computerspeilenhaus will be publishing lines for this weekend's Notre Dame manly scrimmage contest. Mr. Alberts has commissioned us to create several propostiions for your unofficial wagering delights. There is some kind of slapping bet wager with the proprietor of The House Rock Built, but perhaps I have said too much...

While Petra is quite the good at creating her own brand of macabre propenspeilen, I am feeling generous this morning, and I will open your floor to comments from our customer public. Our guests are the furher and Welt Sexy, and we want to hear from you. Please feel free to enliven this site's low off-season traffic, which pales in comparison to mein servers largesse, with your most youthfully exuberant proposition bets.

Welt Sexy Computerspielenhaus is open round the clock to service your internet gambling wishes. Sign up for our Spring Fling bonus today and receive 10% off any bloodletting debt payments.

Trev is risen!

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Behold and be glad! Trev has risen from his witner slumber slash hangover! Celebrating the new spring season with sub-zero baseball and a two-state doubleheader, FireMarkMay.com is back on track for a new, fun-filled scrimmage season.

I'll have the kid post pictures from the field as soon as we defrost the Trev Mobile 1. This could take a while, but don't despair. Know that I have returned unto you to usher in this brave new season of mindless rumormongering, depth-chart engineering, and baseless internet accusations!

What a time to be alive.

-Trev Alberts
Il Duce Emeritus, FireMarkMay.com