Week 14 Trevonics: Championosity

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Oh for Pete's sake! Is this season over yet? There has been so much craziness, so much sheer ridiculousness, I mean Missouri, MISSOURI!, of all people, are number 1, that the Trev has just had too much awesome overloading his Trev circuits. Its almost too much for anyone to bear, and admittedly, I have been in an extended weakened state due to the excessive drinking that accompanies said understanding of the 2007 season. So, without further excusing, procrastinating, or superfluosity, the scoreboard entering the homestretch!

Week 13 Results:
Against the Spread: 10-5
Straight Up: 9-6

Season to date:
Against the Spread: 96-102-3
Straight Up: 138-61

The dream of being somewhat respectable against the demon spread is still within reach for me, loyal Trevians. With a good showing in this championship weekend, I can claim at least parity with the foul German gamblers and declare moral victory in the face of such incredulous results. I'm going to save the Trev-polls for when the dust settles, but its pretty much academic in certain regards. Missouri wins and theyre in. Same for West Virginia. After that? Well, we might just have to consult our long lost ne'er do well to fill us in on his secret dastardly plans.

Virginia Tech (-7) over Boston College
The glorious ACC title game in sunny Jacksonville County! Scenic vistas, hard fought football, and plentiful cabs, all huddled around a vibrant urban nightlife! Not one thing I have said those two sentences is the least bit true. I. Effing. Hate. Jacksonville. The lazy bastards couldn't even name their individual towns and cities. Yes, I know thats a copout excuse, but I can't think of any good reason to defend this "largest city." VT over BC in a walk, once again embarrassing the ACC in what I hope will traditionally become the "forgotten" title game.
Trev's pick: Virginia Tech

Louisiana State (-7.5) over Tennessee
Behold, the last ride of Les Miles and his immortal chainsaw. I'm not adding to the speculation of his participation in the always twirling SEC coaching carousel, but this may very well be the last we see of the werewolf geauxrilla lacerating hybrid that are the LSU Tigers, at least in a meaningful game. The so-called Super Bowl of The Southland, so-called by the Me, is going to be rough, its going to be tough, but its not going to be close. LSU is going to be in "go big or go home" mode attempting to 2-loss their way into the title game by brute force. This reduces the chance of this game being decided on a last minute field goal, and more likely by multiple scores.
Trev's pick: Louisiana State

UCLA (+20) over Southern Cal
I know. I know. I KNOW! UCLA is just absolutely horrible. I really can't argue anyway around it, as their only memorable games are beating a hobbled Oregon and losing to Notre Dame. However, the state of college football at this moment has allowed this game to determine the PAC-10 champion. Granted, the Bruins don't control their own destiny, but they wear the underdog hat so well, especially against the Trojans, that this game is going to be closer than most think. The Trojan Horde offense may be once again fully operational, but I can't discount the Dorrell shoulder chip. I won't split the pick on the merit of the chaos this game could cause.
Trev's pick: UCLA

Oregon State (even) over Oregon
Oregon is a broken team. They are physically broken in the matter of Mr. Dixon's leg, and spiritually broken that now that they have a Pac-10 Leaf brother under center. Although Brady Leaf probably isn't getting 100% of the snaps, and why should he, his mere presence on the two-deep casts a deathly pallor on the proceedings. Where once this game would have been Ducks -14.5, now we have the Pacific Northwest's Civil War at a pick 'em. This is our season, Go Beavers!
Trev's pick: Oregon State

West Virginia (-28.5) over Pittsburgh
I will only say this to the scrappy Mountaineers: this line is more than about covering. This line is the bar to the national title game. If you cannot clear this bar, WfnVU, you open the door to all kinds of shenanigans Sunday morning, and I don't just mean the activities or your average post game holding cell. Take care of business, and there are no excuses. Slit the Wannstache's throat, spread option style.
Trev's pick: West Virginia

Oklahoma (-3) over Missouri
You may even want to chalk this one up as a reverse jinx, as earlier in the season, Missouri looked like they could run right along side the Sooner Schooner. A few bad bounces either way, and the Sooners might not have been even in this game, let alone the national title discussion. Not so fast my friends, the Tigers still play in the North, so that marks them for a blowout of Big XII Title proportions. Doing my best Bill Swerski impression, Sooners 385-Tigers tree.
Trev's pick: Oklahoma

Arizona State (-7) over Arizona
Ladies and gentlemen, your potential PAC-10 champions, the Arizona State Sun Devils! Volcano golfcarts for all! Hail Satan! If ASU can take care of business and UCLA pulls the improbable once more, the Best Ever Death Metal Band out of Tempe is headed to Pasadena. They get the pick just on that merit, and all of the Erickson stories Ill get to watch for the next month. Hail Satan!
Trev's pick: Arizona State

Hawaii (-14.5) over Washington
The Vicious Animals get a psuedo-bowl game against the Warriors....and that's about all there is to that. Has there ever been 3000 yards of total offense in a single game?
Trev's pick: Hawaii

Trev Alberts is a former ESPN commentator. He regrets nothing.

This Year

I broke free on a Saturday morning
I put the pedal to the floor
headed north on mills avenue
and listened to the engine roar

my broken house behind me
and good things ahead
a girl named Cathy
wants a little of my time
six cylinders underneath the hood
crashing and kicking
aha!
listen to the engine whine

i am going to make it through this year
if it kills me
i am going to make it though this year
if it kills me

i played video games in a drunken haze
i was seventeen years young
hurt my knuckles punching the machines
the taste of scotch rich on my tongue

and then Cathy showed up
and we hung out
trading swigs from a bottle
all bitter and clean
locking eyes
holding hands
twin high maintenance machines

i am going to make it through this year
if it kills me
i am going to make it though this year
if it kills me

i drove home in the California dusk
i could feel the alcohol inside of me hum
pictured the look on my stepfather's face
ready for the bad things to come
i down shifted
as i pulled into the driveway
the motor screaming out
stuck in second gear
the scene ends badly
as you might imagine
in a cavalcade of anger and fear

there will be feasting and dancing
in Jerusalem next year

i am going to make it through this year
if it kills me
i am going to make it though this year
if it kills me

-irishoutsider

Week 13 Turkey-fried Trevonics

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

Distractions, drinking, an abridged prognostication week, and all sorts of other fantastical excuses are in store for this post of all trades, loyal followers. Sorry for the Bloo-ness of last week, but he distracted me with a cup and ball, and then we played for the site in a rousing game of marbles. Damn bastard plays keepsies, and he plays it to the bone. Before we get back on the Trevonic Horse, let's reset the major errors made both in actual football and imaginary polling. For those who took my little azul friend serious...you have to live with that.

1. Kansas
2. Louisiana State
3. Missouri
4. West Virginia
5. Ohio State
6. Arizona State
7. Georgia
8. Virginia Tech
9. Oregon
10. Oklahoma
11. Southern Cal
12. Florida
13. Boston College
14. Hawaii
15. Texas
16. Tennessee
17. Illinois
18. Virginia
19. Boise State
20. UCONN
21. Clemson
22. Wisconsin
23. South Florida
24. Texas Tech
25. Cincinnati

Its just that time of year when logic is overridden by losses, freak injuries break the ties, and I keep teams like Texas in the purgatory they deserve. I'm not fair, but I certainly am tough, and if I'm not tough, I'm certainly phony tough and crazy brave, that special kind of crazy reserved only for those in the throes of desperation. Now for the scoreboard! We're keeping the season to date, its like when Corso takes a sick day, the last of which I believe was in 1986. Antioxidants, kids, antioxidants.

Season to date:
Against the Spread: 86-97-3
Straight Up: 129-55

There's only one way to dig out of this ATS hole this week. Well actually, there are several: toast, pretzel sticks, popcorn, and jelly beans.




LSU (-12) over Arkansas
Texas (-5) over Texas A&M
Boise State (+3.5) over Hawaii
Virginia Tech (-3.5) over Virginia
Tennessee (+3) over Kentucky
BYU (-4.5) over Utah
Georgia (-3.5) over Georgia Tech
West Virginia (-17) over Connecticut
Oklahoma (-11.5) over Oklahoma State
Oregon (-2) over UCLA
Florida (-14) over Florida State
South Carolina (+2.5) over Clemson
Cincinnati (-20) over Syracuse
Auburn (-6) over Alabama
Kansas (-2) over Missouri


Trev Alberts is not a recognized Blogpoller. He no longer has the motor skills to play ping pong.

Week 12 Bloo-vonics!

By Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Staff Figment

You probably thought Old Trev forgot about you, loyal Trevians. Well, he did. So we're still letting the imaginations run wild around here, ie moi, so strap it down for another run through this week's Trevonics, Bloo-vonics. The big man is obviously too drunk, lazy, or probably a combination of both with a dash of cowardice, to run down this week's Top 25 matchups, so I'm going to take a crack at some of the progostickleing. Let me get out MY scoreboard...

Bloo's scoreboard
Season to date:
Straight Up: probably-not
Against The Spread: delicious-orange-marmalade

I'm going to shun the traditional top 25 model and go straight to my favorite games of this week, the rivalries! If your rivalry or other so-called important game isn't on here, too bad! Produce a trophy or step aside!

Illinois over Northwestern
We start with one of the coolest arbitrary trophies out there, the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk. Now, I'm not one for research, but I'm getting the feeling that the collected mediocrity between these two teams have kept things pretty much level over the years. However, this year the Wildcats are really sucking wind compared to the latest version of [redacted], so I have to favor said [fighting redacted]. Sorry, Northwestern, but there's not enough heart in those awesome purple jerseys to pull this one out. Them's the breaks. Maybe if you had a more tribal mascot, you could pull off the upset.

Purdue over Indiana
I want to know what the Old Oaken Bucket is traditionally used for. Not necessarily the trophy per se, but what exactly are we meant to imply the purpose of said bucket? Horse feed? Water transportation? Spittoon? Chamber pot? Carny puke pail?!? The possibilities are astounding. I like the Boilers over the Hoosiers in this game, especially if we're talking about a possibly carnival themed bucket. All of those rides need skilled engineers to keep the rides running, especially the miniature railroad and that spinny flippy not quite a ferris wheel zippy thing that makes everyone ralph on their safety harnesses. WHOO!

Michigan State over Penn State
The state of Michigan sure has a lot of Land Grant issues with their neighbors, even the ones the don't directly touch. I guess its all a ploy to create some kind of tradition in the Big Ten...but maybe I'm thinking about this too much. I know that either team can only look forward to winning an arbitrary trophy of indeterminate size over the other for the remainder of this season.

Wisconsin over Minnesota
I would like to point out right now the connection between the two traditional trophies in this rivalry matchup: Paul Bunyan's Axe and The Slab of Bacon. One hand just washes the other now, doesn't it. Man, back in the day a slab of bacon must have been worth more than a slab of gold, what with all of the salty deliciousness it contained therein. What a great way to sustain oneself over the course of a bitter Northern winter than the bacon of one's enemy. Succulent. Now, the victors get to swing around a freaking axe! That is just ridiculous! Who doesn't like axes? Minnesota better like them a whole lot, because they are going to get a metaphoric axe right between the eyes when Wisconsin gets done with them. The Gophers are horrible, and they will make a fine salted game meat.

Ohio State over Michigan
Of course, the rivalry of all rivalries, The Game between The Ohio State and The Bluey Blue Skunkbears of Michigan. I have to vote against my brothers from another mother here. Besides, I refuse to recognize that compromised shade of Navy as part of the true bloo family. Combined with that dirty corny yellowy "miaze" they mince around up there? P U! THE Buckeyes, the lesser of two evils, and likely the better team, get the nod in this one, if only I get to the see film of the post-game festivities on Cops, America's Most Wanted, To Catch a Predator, and all of those fine reality law-enforcement procedurals that clutter my television.

Boise State over Idaho
Idaho is totally going down! WHOOOOOOO! GO BRONCOS! BLOO! BLOO! BLOO! My Boys! Man, I love those crazy Boise-onians and their sweetest playing surface ever. I would go there myself for a game or two, but I'm sure they would confuse me for some extra bloo sod or some kind of spirit banner. Idaho is no match for the Big Bloo Machine of the Broncos. The trophy is an afterthought....because they're not touching it. If they do, I'm going up there with my potato gun and taking no prisoners.

Duke over Notre Dame
Finally, the lamest rivalry of them all, the battle of aspirational peers! I like the Blue Devils in this one for obvious reasons, and besides, what better way to keep the streak alive at Notre Dame! Why ruin a perfectly good winless home season with a victory! Don't mess with history!

Bloo is FireMarkMay's official imaginary union rep. He has successfully lobbied for "More S'more Fridays."

Week 12 Bloo-poll!

By Blooregard Q. Kazoo
Staff Figment

I'm free! Ahahahahahaha! My brilliant plan of distracting Trev and the kid with alcohol and Xbox has worked to perfection. Now its time for some imaginary fun with your old buddy Bloo. Let's see what's on the docket today....mock naval battles, no.....lighting things on fire....no.....hmm...what the heck is on this darn to do list. Week 12 Blogpoll....and.....that's it?! Where's the whimsy? Where's the fun? Where's the unjustified hate of popular college football figures? And where are the Kitten Civil War reenactments?

Oh well, I guess if this is all we've got then it will have to do. But, I'm warning all of you, this is MY Blogpoll, my BLOO-poll, so I don't want to hear any cry babies going on and on and on about how theyre favorite team got the boot, or that I'm not respecting their school enough....blah blah blah. Boring! We're going to do this my way, and its going to be pretty darn clear who's in charge this week.....

Week 12 Bloopoll

1. Kansas
2. Oklahoma
3. Missouri
4. Louisiana State
5. West Virginia
   
6. Oregon
7. Arizona State
8. Southern Cal
9. Virginia Tech
10. Boise State
    
11. Ohio State
12. Hawaii
13. Clemson
    
14. Georgia
15. Florida
16. Illinois
17. Tennessee
18. Virginia
19. Texas
    
20. Kentucky
21. Cincinnati
22. Connecticut
23. Wisconsin
24. Auburn
25. Duke!

Ta Da! It would almost make a little bit of sense if I had any sense. Whoo!! Look at that lineup! What a great way to talk about this crazy season. I'm sure there's a bunch of people who would like this year to be imaginary, but this is the best we can do. Up is down, down is up, and we're all twirling, twirling!, towards the splendid bowl season. I cant wait to see some of these perfectly normal teams playing northern bowl games weeks before Xmas! Hahahahaha!

Let's get to the method of my madness:

The top 5: Kansas, Oklahoma, Missouri, Louisiana State, West Virginia
There's at least some kind of logic, albeit twisted right here at the top. First things first, the Jayhawks have pretty colors, an even prettier record, and the coolest fat man this side of Santa Claus. He is just resplendent, isn't he? Mangino in a track suit kind of looks like that Violet Bouregard gal in Willy Wonka. Amazing. They didn't lose to Colorado, so Oklahoma has to take a back seat, but they beat Missouri, so that explains that. The Big XII might actually be in the drivers seat for once. Louisiana State comes in after that knot, as the chainsaw is still so much fun to write about. West Virginia didn't have their schedule, but who doesn't like a good knifewrench? KNIFEWRENCH!

The next 5: Oregon, Arizona State, Southern Cal, Virginia Tech, Boise State
Now we start getting un-rational. Oregon is fun to watch, but they ain't a knifewrench, sorry guys. I hope the sweet uniforms get you some points in the real polls. Arizona State is up here as they are a staple Xbox team in the office....we don't know why....Southern Cal comes so lamely predictably at 8, but only because I can't really drop them much further. Besides, extra points for NCAA infractions! RUMOR MONGERING! YAY!!!!!!! VT had a tough go this year, so its hard to drop them any further either....I mean, they lost to the chainsaw and that ridiculous Matt Ryan business. Boise State, my boys, round out the top ten. Sure, they lost to the vicious animals, but they are still super awesome and might get to play a concussed Colt Brennan!

The middle 10: Ohio State, Hawaii, Clemson, Georgia, Florida, Illinois, Tennessee, Virginia, Texas, Kentucky
Alrighty, Ohio State falls here because I don't like them. There, I said it! It's my poll and I can do what I want. You lose to redacted, you get the horns. Hawaii comes in behind my Broncos because I don't like them.....no one cares? Moving on. Clemson is head and speedy shoulders above the rest of these speedy teams because there's nothing we like more than fluky ACC teams with blue as a secondary color...or is it purple....now even I'm confused. Next, we rank the orange teams, Florida, Illinois, Tennessee, Virginia, and Texas, also in order of how awesome I think they are. Illinois gets extra points for kicking out the Buckeyes, Texas gets knocked back for not impressing me ever. Kentucky rounds out the end because I enjoy their jerseys, their offensive fireworks, and would draft them all in fantasy if I had a legitimate pool.

The last 5: Cincinnati, UCONN, Wisconsin, Auburn, Duke
Cincinnati and UCONN are practically the same team. If I offered them both ice cream, they'd both say yes, so let's not split hairs here. Wisconsin gets major props for defeating my most hated of the blue, non-bloo, family of teams, the smelly smelly skunkbears. Auburn sneaks into the rear because they can win the big game. Finally, rounding out the crazy, I give 1 vote to Duke! Don't act so shocked.

The mysterious remains: Brigham Young, South Florida, Air Force
Mormons! Bulls! Flying Zamboni Squadrons! Er....Falcons! Why not? These teams are so cool....do I have to explain myself? Crazy offense, hand signals \m/ , and the entire freaking Air Force!

Bloo is FireMarkMay.com's official figment. He is currently having tea and cake with the Vicar of Imaginationland.

Week 11 Blogpoll/Trevonics: On the Road Again?

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

We're compressing posts all of the place, my loyal lemmings of football knowledge. The kid is out there "finding himself" or some other kind of lame new age crap this weeekend. I don't know. Something to do with Himalayan shamans and those weird Scandinavian midget guide business or something. Maybe he's just sick of me and is already abusing my new mental health vacation policies. These are the kinds of things that are important when your staff is normally run by a bunch of figments of the imagination. On top of that, there's that whole bombing of ImaginationLand that's really cramping production around here, not to mention that the Muppet Newscaster is out picketing for the Writers' Guild for reasons only known to him. Anyway, we're going to take a look at the sections of polled blognostery, then some quick picks.

1. Ohio State
2. Louisiana State
3. Oregon
4. Kansas
   
5. Oklahoma
6. Missouri
7. West Virginia
8. Arizona State
   
9. Boston College
   
10. Virginia Tech
11. Hawaii
12. Connecticut
13. Georgia
14. Southern Cal
    
15. Florida
    
16. Texas
17. Boise State
18. Auburn
    
19. Alabama
    
20. Clemson
21. Virginia
22. Tennessee
23. Kentucky
24. Florida State
25. California
    

The breakdown:
The top 5: Ohio State, Louisiana State, Orgeon, Kansas, Oklahoma -
Ohio State takes the lead yet again as the world's most boring #1 team. Only some team from Michigan stands in their way from rolling into the title game with nary a scratch on them. The chainsaw and the duck is more that just a bedtime story Papa Alberts used to read to me in my youth. This time around, the chainsaw's conference buddies may not be enough to get it past a PAC-1o champion duck. Of course, in the story, the townspeople all rigged their votes in the end anyway, so the predictions were all thrown to hell. Kansas has a legitimate claim to spoil everything if they can run the table, but that would involve a Big XII Champion from the little known North division. Oklahoma stands in their way, rounding out the top 5 for destroying Mizzou.

The next 5: Missouri, West Virginia, Arizona State, Boston College, Virginia Tech-
Things begin to sort themselves out now. Missouri has a chance to scratch and claw its way past the Jayhawks into the Big XII title game. West Virginia is the best team in this crazy Big East season. Arizona State could give the Mountaineers a game, but I'm sure they've their ranking between WfnVU and BC. BC is a falling dagger ladies and gentlemen. Its time to play for Matt Ryan's Heisman, and its basically the Dolphins model from the Marino years. Look that up, see how it worked out. Virginia Tech is doing what Virginia Tech does.

The middle 10: Hawaii, UCONN, UGA, Southern Cal, Florida, Texas, Boise State, Auburn, Alabama, Clemson-
The fine logjam of a dilly of a jam of a pickle down here in the middle ten. Hawaii, UCONN, and UGA are doing all they can to get some notice, but its just not happening these days. The Huskies still have a chance to make some waves if they get past Cincy and West Virginia. If they do that, no reason they shouldnt have at least the Mountaineers current ranking. SC>Florida>Texas in the remaining class of the blogpoll, with Boise State ahead of the next tier by means of their resume. Bama has been playing well, but I still think Auburn can win the Iron Bowl this year (and maybe ruin Georgia's season too). Clemson ran so fast, I couldn't put them any lower.

The last 5: Virginia, Tennessee, Kentucky, Florida State, California-
In the last 5, resumes are ruling the roost. What else can I say if I'm ranking the Cavaliers ahead of all of these teams? I'll just point out how far Cal has fallen and move on.

The mysterious remains:
Cincinnati, Illinois, Arkansas-
Three teams that still have the opportunities to do some serious damage to their conferences and cobble together some kind of respectable season. They're all having "good" years, but they are on the precipice of OK. I'm looking at you, Arkansas.

Now for the quickened picks:

Wisconsin (+2.5) over Michigan
Clemson (-9) over Wake Forest
Missouri (-19.5) over Texas A&M
Tennessee (even) over Arkansas
Alabama (-5) over Mississippi State
Kentucky (-3.5) over Vanderbilt
Boise State (-24) over Utah State
Virginia Tech (-6.5) over Florida State
Ohio State (-15) over Illinois
Texas Tech (+6.5) over Texas, Texas to win
Cincinnati (-6.5) over UCONN
Arizona State (-7) over UCLA
Auburn (+2) over Georgia
Oklahoma (-38) over Baylor
Virginia (+3.5) over Miami(FL)
Florida (-6.5) over South Carolina
Kansas (-6) over Oklahoma State
Louisiana Tech (+36.5) over Louisiana State, LSU to win
California (+4) over Southern Cal
Boston College (-6.5) over Maryland
Hawaii (-17.5) over Fresno State
Air Force (-3) over Notre Dame

Trev Alberts is not a recognized Blogpoller. His gets migraines when he does it too much.

Week 10 Rundown

By Trev Alberts
formerly of ESPN.com

I'll start this week's Rundown with the end Navy 46-Notre Dame 44. Trev loves him some America, and the kid loves him some Notre Dame, but in the end, what a glorious day for our Naval Academy. I'm sure the plebes celebrated as much as did Saturday night, flooding the office in contraband and leaving our editor with the thankless ceremony of cleaning up after the fruits of my largesse. I think he really appreciated us going all out for the celebration of this glorious streak. I mean, hell, he's already packed his bags again. Hey kid, before you hit the road again, could you mind getting those interns to wheel in my scoreboard?

Week 10 Results
Against the Spread: 12-7-2
Straight Up: 13-8

2007 Season-to-date:
Against the Spread: 76-86-3
Straight Up: 113-51

The scrap to .500 and later awesome domination continues, but first we need to get level against Herr Spread. Meanwhile, the straight up still looking pretty damn dead sexy. On to the mostly boring slate of this weekend. We've got a whole lot of mismatches, close games that should have been mismatches, and out of nowhere mismatches. Damn it, Nebraska....

Ohio State 38-Wisconsin 17
A methodical pasting of the Big Ten morning order. The Buckeye schedule weakens by the day, and they are the odds on favorite to be the least challenged #1 team ever....until the title game.

Clemson 47-Duke 10
Basketball....Basketball....Basketball....just keep muttering to yourselves Blue Devils.

Virginia 17-Wake Forest 16
Virginia is the New Wake Forest? Should I even care? Can we at least get them to short circuit Boston College out of the ACC title game? Is that even possible? I dont really care?

Florida 49-Vanderbilt 22
Oh yeah....that's right....Florida is really good, aren't they? And....I learned something today.

Kansas 76-Nebraska 39
WOW! We gave up 76 points? And Mangino ate a giant wheel of cheese?!? I'm not even mad, that's amazing! Callahan, we hardly knew ye. Man. We are not good.

Georgia 44-Troy 34
This is why I hate on the 'Dawgs. You have to cover against Troy. Must cover.

Boise State 42-San Jose State 7
Fair play to Boise State. I think this makes them better than Hawaii, and potential WAC at-large spoiler.

Texas 38-Oklahoma State 35
Texas keeps managing to win, and I keep managing to find ways to not give them any credit for them.

Michigan 28-Michigan State 24
Hey, remember when this game mattered for Michigan State? Yeah, that was a great week back in September. Michigan, keep reaching for that NIT.

Cincinnati 38-South Florida 33
Oh my stars! Would you look at that! The Kiss of Death for the Bulls continues, and the Big East refs decided to stop being socialist for the first time in almost a month.

Tennessee 59-UL Lafayette 7
See Georgia? That's how you beat your random non-SEC game in November.

Louisiana State 41-Alabama 34
The Tigers escape the hellmouth of Tuscaloosa, the revenge of the Dark Lord Saban, and head on to the defacto #2 in America. They better keep it up, or they might just get leaped by the Ducks.

Missouri 55-Colorado 10
These Tigers sure are an interesting bunch too. They're smoking Big XII North teams like they were in the South. I'm ready for a Mizzou rematch with OU in the conference title game, if only because the BCS implications would be insane.

Oregon 35-Arizona State 23
I'm still not ready to call these Ducks for real. I mean, the PAC-10 is certainly winnable, but are they better than the chainsaw? That's too close of a call for Week 10. Arizona State however, is back on the road to being disproven.

Connecticut 38-Rutgers 19
The Big East refs are back to their senses! UCONN, the 1-loss team the power conferences love to hate, continues to chug along. Rutgers, on the other hand, remains a disappointment. Well, to last year at least. Two years ago, and everyone would think they were improving.

Oklahoma 42- Texas A&M 14
It's really sad that these days its a no-brainer that the Aggies won't be competitive. How many negatives did I cram into that sentence? I'm not entirely sure, but its still not enough to express the sucktitude of Coach Fran these days.

Arkansas 48- South Carolina 36
Games like this keep Darren McFadden in the Heisman race. I'm not saying he's a bad running back. No sir, not at all. He is still Humanity Advanced, but it makes it hard to really defend those gaudy numbers he puts up when he gets like 500 of them between two games. I am surprised that he lit up the normally stout 'Cock D, but there are still games where he disappears.

Southern Cal 24 - Oregon State 3
The Trojans beat the Beavers! The Trojans beat the Beavers! Do you believe in miracles? Yawn.

Florida State 24 - Boston College 17
The Seminoles beat the Eagles! The Seminoles beat the Eagles! Do you belive in miracles?! YES! That's more like it. Big massive, hearty props to everyones favorite Floridian tribe as they end this long national nightmare. No more does the concept of BC leaping LSU or Oregon enter anyone's mind. Go home, Boston College. Don't worry, we'll turn out the lights.

Navy 46-Notre Dame 44
The every falling bottom for Notre Dame. Oh, the kid is in good and proper agony, but more on that somewhere else on this fine interwebs. We're all still having to clean up the mess I made in celebration of his torment. Media room? Totally flooded for mock naval battle. Bloo and I decided to recreate that scene in 300 with the Persian Navy, er half the Persian Navy, er that part where a whole bunch of stuff sank. Maybe it was in Troy. I dont remember, I just remember that we need to get new carpeting in here before the mold starts writing articles on its own. Gigantic 43 year old high five to the aquatically inclined armed services. Ram Vela, whose name shall live on in infamy as "that guy that made that sack and also sounds like an Indiana Jones villain," makes a ginormous play that you've probably seen a thousand times by now. The guys vaults his blocker and goes full Superman on Evan Sharpley. Superman, the superhero, not superman as half-brother to "supersoaking that ho" as the young people like to describe these days in song. We looked that up in UrbanDicitonary, and let me tell you, you people are sick! Anyway, back to Navy. So much better than Notre Dame. How did it come to this?

Trev Alberts is a licensed football rundowner. He can go straight to hell.